As much as we might like to imagine families coming together and always making beautiful memories, sometimes that simply isn’t the case.
But the reasons why aren’t always terribly clear, either, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Professional-You8033 was furious when they visited his mother’s house, only for her to make grilled chicken salads when they had picky eaters who would prefer chicken nuggets.
Because they believed she had a ‘do-over family’ with children the same age as their own, the Original Poster (OP) was suspicious that this was less about eating well and more about competing for the Best Parent of the Year award title.
They asked the sub:
“AITAH for blowing up on my mom for serving my kids a salad?”
The OP did not have the best relationship with their mother.
“My mom was a teen parent, so by the time I was getting married and having kids, she was ready for a do-over.”
“So I have two sisters (5 and 3) who are close in age to my kids (6, 3, and 1) I wish I could say we were all a happy extended family, but this causes a lot of tension.”
“My mom and her husband parent a lot differently than my wife and I, making things super awkward when the kids are together. My wife also feels judged. Cherry on top, the two three-year-olds f**king hate each other.”
When the OP’s mother invited them over for dinner, the visit did not go well.
“Needless to say, I don’t get to see my mom much, but recently she invited us over to use their pool and have dinner. I was a bit anxious because eating together is usually a bad idea. My mom said she would make something simple as she knows my kids are picky.”
“Now I’d just like to say they aren’t the worst eaters. The three-year-old is a normal three-year-old, and my six-year-old prefers things on the bland side, but they are healthy kids, and their doctor isn’t worried.”
The OP felt like their mother was competing with them as a parent.
“We got there and swam. I thought it was going well, and then my mom brought out dinner, grilled chicken and salad, and I just felt so defeated.”
“My kids do eat veggies for the most part, but none of them are going to eat the feta cheese, or the olives, or the banana peppers, and honestly, I feel like most kids wouldn’t. It felt like an annoying flex.”
“I saw my wife look like she was going to cry, and I lost it. I screamed at my mom that once again she is taking a dig instead of being an actual grandparent, and while she might think she is the world’s greatest mom, I feel bad for my kids because she sucks as a grandparent.”
“My mom acted dumbfounded, and we took the kids home. She texted me later that she had no idea why I was mad at her.”
“She said I should know that is a simple meal for them, but then she f**ked up and admitted she was going to do chicken nuggets, but the only ones she had had coconut in them and my son is allergic, so then I think she admitted she knew that wasn’t a simple meal for them.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP was way out of line and, without a doubt, the AH.
“There was no need to ‘scream’ or ‘lose it’ on your mom. You’re way out of line, and an AH.” – AlwaysHelpful22
“But SAAALAAADDDD! Can you imagine??? Think of the children! …YTA” – panlevap
“Clutch my pearls that a kid eats a salad and grilled chicken! Not on OP’s watch! (eye roll) YTA, OP.” – Advanced-Pear-8988
“And OP’s wife almost crying over SALD??? Good grief, they deserve each other.”
“Or maybe the almost crying is because she saw the simple salad and knew her husband was going to be a giant gaping AH. I’m gonna guess she knew immediately he’d throw a temper tantrum before anything was even tried or said by the kids.”
“The OP is the AH either way, but his wife may or may not be, too.” – MoulanRougeFae
“YTA, ‘but then she f**ked up and admitted she was going to do chicken nuggets but the only ones she had had coconut in them and my son is allergic.'”
“What the f**k? She was responsible and did not just put the chicken nuggets without hesitation in the oven and served it… NOPE, she served a completely healthy meal.”
“Seems like you do not have much respect for her, and never did.” – Limelita
“I had to reread this a few times, because I was thinking I was missing something, like maybe the Grandma was forcing a diet on the kids or serving her kids better food.”
“But no, it was just the OP being weird over salad. YTA, OP.” – Aggravating-Week481
Others agreed and thought that this was just one more thing the OP resented their mom for.
“YTA. ‘Mom was ready for a do-over.’ OP, I feel like you might have some unresolved resentment towards your mom.” – lostintheclouds72
“It sounds like they’ve internalized their kids’ picky eating and turned everyone’s inability to fully accommodate serving their ultra-bland kid food into a personal attack.”
“Also, little kids may be picky forever about one thing and then one day see it in a different context (like Grandma’s) or see their peers eating it and suddenly decide to give it a try.”
“I’ve known lots of little kids (even me and my sister as kids were like this) who refuse to eat certain foods at home but suddenly eat it when they are in a new situation or with new people who are eating it. Different exposure and environments can work wonders without ever being a personal attack on the child or their parents.” – WhatiworetodayinNY
“The OP’s mom’s new kids are getting a better version of their mom than the OP got. He’s bitter.”
“This story is about so much more than salad.” – Eggmegmuffin
“YTA, and the OP should look into therapy for himself, because what the f**k?”
“OP’s response was… the opposite of healthy (putting it as kindly as I can). The dude needs a therapist more than a Karen needs a manager.”
“This is going to sound like an utterly insane question, but if OP knows his kids are all picky, and his mom was gracious enough to host them, could he not have brought food along? Would that not have been a kind and logical thing to do? Or am I on stupid pills?” – AnFnDumbKAREN
“Bro, you have issues.”
“YTA, but that is the least of your problems. You have some unresolved issues with your mom, some anger issues, and I suspect that if we dug deeper, not the greatest parenting style.”
“Plus there’s the whole tone of this post. To say the ‘three-year-olds F**KING hate each other,’ like wow, how does a three-year-old hate another three-year-old? Toddlers don’t HATE. They haven’t been alive long enough to truly F**KING HATE anyone or anything. So extreme.”
“And personally, I think grilled chicken IS simple. A salad isn’t “simple”? I mean I get what OP means about the feta, banana peppers, olives, etc, but just scoop tomatoes/cucumbers, etc., out with tongs?”
“OP, you act like your mom made curry or something extreme. From now on, you should just pick up a pizza when going there to avoid issues., but this to me doesn’t sound like someone NOT wanting to create trouble. It sounds like someone who IS trouble.”
“Seriously. If you’re that worried about a meal, either don’t go or just bring something you know the kids will eat without a fuss. This seems a really strange situation to blow up over.” – DirksShinerpowel
“My kids are extremely picky eaters. Same age as OP’s. You know what I do if I’m not sure what’s going to be served? I pack them each a lunch box of foods they will eat.”
“Not one person has taken offense to me saying, ‘My kids are picky, so I planned ahead just in case.’ My kids are MY responsibility. Not my parents. Not anyone’s. MINE.”
“If OP never sees his mom, I’m guessing she doesn’t have much exposure to his kids. Therefore she doesn’t know exactly what they like or don’t like. What she made for dinner was likely a ‘simple kid-friendly meal’ for HER KIDS, which by definition, is a kid-friendly meal. It just wasn’t for OP’s kids, but that is a HIM problem.”
“I mean, for f**k’s sake. His mom remembered and respected his kid’s allergy. Do you know how many grandparents just do not give a s**t about their grandkids’ allergies?! I’d take that as a win if I were OP.”
“His reaction was 100% out of line. He’s doing some Olympic-level mental gymnastics to paint her a villain over this. Sounds like someone is salty about her ‘do-over family’ and is taking it out on her.”
“Also, the way he reacted?!?! Wow. Way to set a good example for his kids. I’m sure teaching them to explode and start screaming at someone for not reading their minds will definitely come in handy later in life and serve them well. OP has some unresolved issues he needs to get help for ASAP.” – CatmoCatmo
The subReddit was perplexed by this situation and couldn’t believe the OP blew up over something as simple as what other households would call an easy dinner—and, for the lucky households, also a kid-friendly one.
It sounded like the OP’s mom was trying to make something delicious, healthy, and easy that everyone could eat, and she even accommodated her grandchild’s allergy by not serving coconut-crusted chicken nuggets.
If the OP wanted to maintain a relationship with her and not cause such a stir next time, he might have to handle the food preparation.