Redditor ThrowRadaughtersbf recently lost it when her adult daughter and her boyfriend wouldn’t stop with the public displays of affection.
These uncomfortable PDA moments were not only in front of herself, but also grandparents.
The Original Poster (OP) questioned her reaction on subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for telling my daughter’s boyfriend to stop groping her”
She went on to explain.
“So I [44-year-old female] have a [20-year-old female] daughter Alexandra and she has a boyfriend Marcus [21-year-old male].”
“When she first introduced us, I was happy and thought he was really nice and good for her.”
“Today, my husband and I had my parents and my sister come over to our house, Alexandra was also there and invited Marcus over as well, which I was fine with.”
“After Alexandra was done introducing Marcus to her grandparents and aunt, I noticed that Marcus seemed excessively showing my daughter affection…”
“…such as long drawn out kissing, hugging her for long periods, and letting her lay sprawled out on him on the couch.”
“It made me feel uncomfortable but I let it slide until I noticed Marcus was groping my daughter’s a** while they kissed on one of my living room couches.”
“I snapped by yelling, making them break away from each other and said that Marcus needed to stop groping my daughter…”
“…because it made me uncomfortable and it was disgusting to do in front of other people.”
“There was silence until my daughter stood up and told me that she was leaving in a quiet tone.”
“I tried to stop her but she left anyways with Marcus. Alexandra later texted me that I was an a**hole and a prude for embarrassing her and Marcus like that.”
“I showed the text to my husband and he said that while I was right, I could’ve been nicer about it.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“ESH”
“NTA (previously)”
“They’re old enough to know what’s appropriate behavior in a public room with multiple family members over.”
“You could have gone about it in a more gentle way, but I don’t think it was necessary in the context. They’re adults and knew what they were doing.”
“You don’t seem to have anything against either of them, just the behavior.”
“Make sure she knows you support her and her relationship, you’re just not okay with that level of PDA in a communal room.”
“Edit: Changing my opinion to ESH. It could have been handled in a much better way.”
“Yelling and using words like ‘disgusting’ just makes a scene and drives a wedge between OP and their daughter.”
“I can still understand why OP may have responded the way they did due to the surprise/shock of the situation.”
“But it still would have been more productive for the situation and for their relationship to have handled it in a more gentle way.”
“Ultimately they should have known better. They shouldn’t have had to be told not to be doing what they were doing. And I firmly stand by that.”
“OP could have been gentler with the approach.” – Harakiri_238
“ESH. PDA, even if it’s not exactly in public, is not appropriate, especially when a lot of family was there. I don’t know why you yelled at just Marcus, though.”
“She was an equal partner in this makeout session. And yes, you could have handled this so much better and quietly pulled your daughter aside and reminded her that family was around.”
“You are only 44. Do you not remember being 20? C’mon.” – LowBalance4404
“ESH. I had to laugh at your blaming Marcus when your daughter was on top of him. This ‘excessive affection’ works two ways.”
“They are young and infatuated and are bound to be doing a lot of groping, but they should not be doing it in front of the entire family.”
“You are an a**hole for yelling at Marcus to stop groping, although you might have also admonished your daughter.”
“You should have politely pointed out that this was not the time or the place for this kind of display of affection.” – Maximum-Swan-1009
“ESH”
“They’re old enough to know what affectionate/sexual activities should be done in private, not in front of everyone.”
“You’re old enough to know what correctional activities should be done in private, not in front of everyone.” – NoiseProvesNothing
“YTA only because of how you handled it.”
“A simple ‘Hey, inappropriate’ gets the same message across without making a scene and embarrassing them both.”
“YTA also for placing blame solely on Marcus and not your daughter.”
“They are old enough to know better. But you should be able to control yourself and handle the situation way better than you did.” – SilverTripz
“YTA you should have spoken quietly to your daughter, not yelled at her boyfriend.”
“This could be regional, but to me the word groping implied that he grabbed her without consent. This isn’t the case.”
“Your daughter is an adult woman who is in a steady relationship. You need to have a conversation with her about PDA instead of acting like her boyfriend assaulted her.” – ResponseMountain6580
“NTA.”
“Sexual PDAs are embarrassing for everyone concerned. At least she learned to curb it at home instead of being embarrassed in a public place.”
“Nobody wants to see that stuff. A peck or even a goodbye kiss is fine, but once the groping and laying around start happening, it needs to be taken into another room.” – jippyzippylippy
“ESH”
“You do know your daughter was a full participant in it?”
“Tell them, ‘Get a room.’ That is the traditional response. Or say, ‘No PDAs.’ Blasting only the BF and the way you phrased it makes you an a**hole as well.” – Dana07620
“ESH. Their behavior was gross but you handled it poorly. The whole ‘I snapped by yelling’ is a bullsh*t excuse. You are an adult you can control your behavior.” – single_track_101
“YTA”
“Why is this just Marcus’s fault?!”
“Yes, their PDA was too much, but you could have spoken to your daughter privately, instead you yelled at Marcus.” – SuperJay182
“ESH. Your daughter and her boyfriend are being inappropriate displaying intimacy to that degree in front of your family and you’re in the wrong for openly calling them out on it in front of your guests.”
“You need to be more tactful, you likely embarrassed every single person in that room, yourself included I imagine by drawing attention to it openly in front of your guests like that.”
“Call your daughter to the other room and have a discreet word with her if she does something like that, don’t shame her in front of her family.”
“You didn’t just embarrass her, you’ve made it unnecessarily difficult for her to attend family functions with your call out.”
“How’s she going to feel the next time she sees the people you shamed her in front of?”
“How’s her grandparents and aunt going to feel when they see her and remember you screaming about her boyfriend groping her?” – mommysanalservant
“He LET HER lay all over him. Mmm no SHE WAS laying all over him. Seeing as at gher age it’s a bit late for the birds n bees talk.”
“Sit them both down , especially that princess of a daughter, and explain to her/them your boundaries in regards to sexual behaviour.”
“Does she live with u still? If so suggest that if she wants to engage in sexual type behaviours on the living room couch, to go get her own living room.”
“Otherwise your house your rules” – That_Grapefruit_73
“ESH you could have handled it better instead of snapping and also remember your daughter was also participating… not just him.”
“Yes I grope my girls a** plenty and she enjoys it because she’s part of it… she squeezes my butt too occasionally.”
“We may not do it in public but point is they were both doing this. Don’t just blame him.” – YnotThrowAway7
“ESH.”
“They should tone it down when they are at someone’s house. Your daughter got too comfortable at your house and should be more considerate and respectful to everyone around her.”
“You were uncomfortable from the start and you bottled it up to the point of lashing out. You blamed Marcus when your daughter was a willing participant and equally the problem.”
“You should have quietly addressed it with your daughter when it first bugged you at the beginning of the visit.” – PsychologicalRoll705
“ESH. You really didn’t have to make a scene and make everyone in the room more uncomfortable than they already were.”
“You should have pulled your daughter aside to talk about it. Humiliating them like that is going to have a negative impact on your relationship long term.” – ApplesandDnanas
“YTA. There’s a right way and a wrong way. Yelling about this and calling it disgusting is more than a bit over the top.”
“And I’m not inclined to give you the benefit of the doubt when you even described long hugs as excessive. Stop being such a stick in the mud.”
“And if your daughter is engaging in massive tongue in the throat, make out session with major a** grabbing…”
“…the response should simply have been a ‘hey guys, please save that for later, but right now you’re among family’ rather than yelling and calling it disgusting.” – giggity_giggity
There’s a way to reprimand without shaming.
What do you think, readers? Would you have handled it differently?
Let us know in the comments below.