One thing any United States resident can agree on is how expensive a college education is and how difficult it can be to pay back student loans.
Many people find themselves looking a second jobs and other options just to avoid taking out loans, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor surgerymomthrowra started saving up money for college as a teenager when she got her first job.
But when she found out what happened to all of her savings, the Original Poster (OP) was furious.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my mom her surgery isn’t my responsibility?”
The OP decided to take charge of her work money.
“When I went to summer camp for Cadets at 14 turning 15, I was paid 60 dollars a week that my mother took when I got home to ‘keep safe.'”
“I never saw that money, and she always justified it with buying my basic needs like, ‘I bought you toothpaste last week, that came out of your camp money.'”
She then established a college fund.
“I (19 Female) got a job at 15 and started my own college fund.”
“I had been told by my mom (45 Female) since I was young that she would NOT pay for my college for me and that I’m on my own.”
“My mom helped me set up a bank account that I would not have access to until college, and the majority of my paychecks went into it.”
“I wasn’t working full-time so I didn’t make bank, but I had a good chunk, enough that I was feeling secure. I’d still need some loans but not nearly as much.”
The OP’s mother also received a major bonus at work that she used on herself.
“A while ago my mom mentioned a bonus she got at work and told me she was thinking of getting some ‘work done.'”
“I supported her, because I don’t care what she does to her body.”
“Recently, she got it all done. Botox, fillers, breast augmentation, and like 5 sessions of this body sculpting thing.”
But it turned out to not be a work bonus at all.
“Yesterday I heard from a few colleges I got accepted to, and my mom got very quiet and admitted to using my money for her plastic surgery.”
“I lost it, and I told her I was going to explore my legal options.”
“I said I wasn’t responsible for funding her surgery and that I was moving out within the next week because she violated me and stole from me.”
“She tried to fight it, but I ended up leaving and going to my friend’s house.”
The family took the mother’s side.
“My father and extended family keep calling and texting me, saying it’s not a big deal. They keep saying that I can just take out student loans.”
“My dad said my mom raised me, and I live at home with a reduced rent rate, so I pretty much owe her.”
“But I think I worked hard to get my money and I should sue my mom if I can, but maybe I’m just being stubborn?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP absolutely was not obligated to forgive her mother.
“A child does not theoretically or practically owe their parents for the care they received.”
“I love my parents and will 100% have their back always, but this is a choice every person should get to make, not an obligation.”
“How ignorant of the family to dismiss OP’s anger by saying she could take out a loan. Everyone who hasn’t been living under a rock knows exactly how crippling student debt is!”
“She worked hard even as a 15-year-old to minimize the debt she might have in the future, and all that’s gone down the drain now.” – pastamelody
“Only abusive and controlling AHs say that crap to their kids when in fact they are required by law to take care of them.”
“OP’s mom is a thief. Worse, it wasn’t even for surgeries for her health but just body augmentation.”
“That sad excuse of a mother stole her daughter’s college fund, THAT SHE DIDN’T CONTRIBUTE A FRIGGING CENT TO, to get a boob job.”
“And her family should be ashamed for siding with the mom. NTA, AND SHE SHOULD SUE.” – Zealousideal-Log-152
“I am a mother of two children (2 male and a baby girl). It was my and my husband’s choice to have them.”
“With becoming a parent I accept that I will be their provider for 18+ years and that includes clothing, food, toiletries, extracurricular, a university/trade school fund, etc.”
“Should they choose to work to make money for extras or school that is THEIR MONEY. I am NOT entitled to it.”
“Instead, I get to see them take responsibility and purchase things that make their life better or more fun because of their hard work. The only thing I would steal from them is Halloween candy.” – KindredKat629
“Student loans are a HUGE deal. Those family members aren’t the ones who would be indebted for what could be decades.”
“Compounded with the idea that a child ‘owes’ a parent for doing what is morally, ethically, and legally required.”
“NTA. And yes, pursue legal action.”
“Also, this breaks my heart.” – love_laugh_dance
“If it’s ‘not such a big deal to take a loan,’ then I guess her parents can take one in their names to pay back what mother had stolen, effectively ruining her daughter’s future just because she felt the need to have her saggy tiddies redone.”
“NTA, your anger is perfectly justified. I mean, I’m fuming just reading it.”
“They used your money without even asking up-front! Lawyer up, fingers crossed for you to get your money back.” – malazuzu22
Others also encouraged her to seek legal action.
“PURSUE LEGAL ACTION!!!”
“She stole from you.”
“I’ll never understand families who say, ‘no big deal, just take out a loan.’ They aren’t the one who will be paying it back.”
“I’m also tired of family members using the whole she’s your mom and took care of you as if that gives her the right to take your money… you do NOT owe her for being born and being taken care of (that’s the bare minimum of a parent’s responsibility).” – TheSciFiGuy80
“I was thinking you should internet/social media expose her/shame her…”
“By starting a gofundme…”
“She and all the family saying you should take risks crap and move on are only looking out for themselves.”
“F that! Burn down every comfortable hiding place, out them on every possible site and app (your mom likely is showing off her new t*ts on Instagram and Facebook. Turn it around…”
“This is theft, this is an egregious example of parental financial abuse and a family system that’s not going to hold her accountable.”
“What ever you do, do it big and loud. You have zero to be self conscious about.”
“Anyone who says you owe your parents for raising you, you owe love and support if that’s what they gave you. But they didn’t, and No One owes your mom cosmetic surgery except your mom.”
“Fight like a crazy person because you are dealing with crazy people.”
“Absolutely no rational adult would say that you should accept that your mom stole your hard earned college savings for non life threatening medical interventions.”
“We’re rooting for you!” – No_Appointment_7232
“Start a GoFundMe and lay it allllllllll out! Explain that you’ve been saving for college for years and your mom stole it all to get revamped without your knowledge and now you’re screwed.”
“I’m sorry that your mom did this. It’s heartbreaking to me.”
“NTA. If suing is an option, take it. Either way, make a show of it.” – Affectionate_Salt351
“Find out about your legal options. Even if this is a dead-end (if her name is on the account, then legally its not stealing) it tells her, your father and others that you are taking this seriously. Even if you have no intention of going to court, have a lawyer write them a letter of demand.”
“There are loans: and your mother and father can get them. To the full value of what was taken from the bank account.”
“Before walking away, make sure you have proper print outs of the bank statements for your account.”
“Some Colleges and charities have funds available for disadvantaged students, and this account will demonstrate that you are a worthy recipient.”
“You’ve been working and saving towards this since you were 15 and the money was wrongfully misused.”
“Whatever happens next: open a new bank account.” – peonyhen
“If it’s not a big deal, they can make up that money. Oh, suddenly a big deal?”
“And yes, NTA, your mom is a thief, absolutely pursue legal action. She spent your future because she wants to look hot, that is seriously messed up.” – Junior_Ad_7613
Hearing about the OP’s entire college fund being gone infuriated the subReddit.
They suggested retaliating, pursuing legal action, and going no-contact with a family who would support a financially abusive mother over a college-going teen.