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Introverted Bride Irate After Mom Threatens Not To Fund Wedding Unless She Can Invite 13 Friends

Angry bride
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Redditor VastGrapefruit7224’s daughter is getting married, and she and her husband are footing the bill.

The Original Poster (OP) recently learned there are some extra invitations unclaimed on her daughter’s side of things.

Instead of giving those spots to the groom, she wants to take them for her long-time friends. Thirteen of them, in fact.

The daughter was not happy with this decision, driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

She asked:

“AITA for wanting to invite friends to my daughter’s wedding?”

She went on to explain.

“My [Female age 68] daughter is getting married to her partner of 8 years in September ‘24. We have been arguing over this and she told me to post this here for opinions.”

“For context, I am paying for the whole wedding. She is pretty introverted and doesn’t have a lot of friends she wants to invite.”

“Her husband to be on the other hand is very extroverted and has a lot of people he would invite given the chance.”

“I thought it would be fair then that the bride’s side gets 30 invites and the groom’s side gets 30 invites as we are on a budget.”

“Since my daughter doesn’t have a lot of people, and there are spots on her side left over (after family and her friends) I have people I want to invite.”

“Between my husband and I, we have 13 people to invite. To be honest, there was no leaving them out one way or the other as we have social obligations to invite them anyway.”

“I feel as though since we are paying for this and are hosting it, we should get a say in who comes regardless.”

“My daughter has said that this is not how it normally works and that she and her fiancée should have first priority in who comes…”

“…and the spots should be dedicated to her fiancée’s friends before mine if there are limited seats. She also said that ‘this is their wedding and not my ‘class of 74 reunion.’”

“But he and his family are not financially contributing to this at all. It will reflect poorly on me if I don’t invite my and my husband’s people.”

“She’s refusing to see my side and says that her fiancée being limited in his guests and his parents only being allowed to invite 2 people because they aren’t in a place to contribute is unfair.”

“If I am not allowed to throw this up to my standard, I do not want my name on it.”

“They can do what they want, but I have half a mind to pull my money from the equation if they insist on not allowing who I want to be there.”

“I told them they will have full control over everything else! It will still be their day! I just want my friends there to support the big day!”

“Is that really so wrong? Am I really the a hole? I am starting to think I have a bridezilla and groomzilla on my hands.”

“After seeing replies, I would like to add some information:”

“We are white and live in the US so not of Asian culture.”

“We have a lot of family so the breakdown of my daughter’s side is 14 family members, 3 of her friends, and 13 of mine.”

“She says she doesn’t have a problem with me inviting my friends. She has a problem being limited in her and her fiancées friends.”

“My social obligations to my friends are because I have known some of these people for 50-plus years and I do not want to ruin friendships that strong.”

“I was invited to their children’s weddings, so why would they not be invited to my child’s wedding? My son opted not to have one, so this will be my only opportunity.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided:


“I get the argument that you should have a say in the guest list to a degree if you’re funding the wedding….but this is still their day.”

“They clearly don’t feel these people have been meaningfully close enough to their relationship to include them.”

“They want to invite people who they feel they are closer with, and your split down-the-middle rule seems flawed in that your daughter doesn’t want as many guests.”

“Pull out of funding it if you can’t reconcile the idea of giving your daughter the day she deserves, but be prepared to hate the guest list even more (and face the possibility of your own exclusion).”

“Your daughter and future SIL are not being unreadable or wedding-zillas in their request for people they care about to be present at their wedding.”

“You are being unreasonable for wanting your friends there in lieu of theirs. It’s not about you.” – Bureaucratic_Dick

“YTA.Sorry, Mama.’She is pretty introverted’- so let’s just invite a whole lot of people she probably won’t feel comfortable with and make the day about the parents.”

“Why is there a social obligation to invite YOUR friends? Why can’t you say ‘it’s a small intimate wedding’ and leave it at that.”

“It sounds like that’s what the Bride and Groom would prefer anyway.I  understand that you are excited but your daughter’s wedding isn’t the time to get your peacock feathers out.”

“While it’s lovely of you to pay, it’s frustrating to see a gift with conditions of control.”

“Edit to add: if the people you wanted to invite have had a loving history with your Daughter, then I can understand you wanting them to attend…”

“…but it doesn’t sound as such given her hesitation.” – Suspicious-Thanks-82


“So you are paying so you have control and make some good social appearances, not so that you can give your daughter a beautiful special day. How narcissistic are you?”


“So the groom can’t invite from his large social group because you need to ensure your social standing is secure by showing off your money with a wedding? Jesus. You are terrible.”

“Has your love always come with strings attached?” – SorchitaFilly

“YTA – it’s an actual statistic that the mother is the most difficult relationship to manage for the bride while planning a wedding (look it up). Sorry but you’re no exception.”

“My own mother refused to come to my wedding years ago because it wasn’t ‘on her terms’ and our relationship has never been the same.”

“If you care about your future relationship with your daughter, concede now and allow her to have her special day the way SHE wants it.”

“Be supportive and stop trying to make this about you.” – Ok_Competition1656


“Your daughter’s wedding has absolutely nothing to do with your ‘social obligations’”

“This is THEIR wedding day. It’s about what THEY want and who they want, it’s not for you to grandstand with your peers.”

“It’s extra disgusting to threaten not to pay if you don’t get your way….talk about financially abusing your daughter!”

“You don’t have a bride and groomzilla on your hands. They have a monster in law on theirs!”

“Please go yo the justnomil subreddit and see if you want to be featured on there in the future” – Stormiealways

“Im torn between E S H and YTA … Because of the wording, YTA”

“13/30 people IS A LOT of people. Does she even know all these people ?”

“You are funding her wedding, on then you could get a +4 because of that with your daughter being able to veto if she dislikes them. But 13 ?”

“Also, if this is a problem, why don’t you communicate the fact that you’re disappointed to be the only ones to pay instead of being petty?”

“You know your daughter is an introvert, so she is likely to feel anxiety with people she doesn’t know.”

“Also funder or not, THE WEDDING IS NOT ABOUT YOU.” – CompassTeddy

“YTA- and I say this softly, you are a little bit of the a-hole here. I’m a mom, so I get it. These issues are complicated. And you clearly think, it’s your money so it should be your say.”

“A few questions for you to ponder, however: Are these people you’re inviting close to and loved by your daughter? Have they supported her, loved her, like surrogate aunties and uncles?”

“If you didn’t have money to contribute, would you still expect this amount of people?”

“To me, you saying ‘If I am not allowed to throw this up to my standard, I do not want my name on it’ sounds like a baby throwing its toys out of the crib, not like a grown woman.”

“‘If I don’t get to do it my way, I won’t do it at all!!!!’”

“In reality, I think you should offer to contribute to the wedding and offer the groom’s parents the same amount of invites that you get. Period.”

“Anything less is petty, and not really in the spirit of giving, but rather the spirit of control.” – SlowLime


Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)