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Mom Accused Of Treating Daughter ‘Like A Maid’ After Grandparents Learn She Does Chores Around The House

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Being a single parent can be extremely difficult, but they do what they think is best for the child they are raising on their own.

Redditor aitaschoollunch is a single mother to a 14-year-old daughter named Olivia, and she believes they have a living arrangement that seems to work well between them.

However, the Redditor’s parents think otherwise.

When the parents confronted her and made an accusation about how she is raising Olivia, she visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:

“AITA for ‘treating my daughter like a maid?'”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I’m a single mom to Olivia. We have an arrangement where she is responsible for cleaning her room and bathroom, I clean my room and bathroom, and we split the common areas. It works out pretty well for us.”

“Another thing is whoever is ready for school/work first makes lunch. Nobody’s asking for a gourmet lunch.”

“Most of the time it’s some kind of sandwich, bagel, or quesadilla. I’d also say it’s around 50/50 on who makes lunch.”

“My parents came to stay with us for thanksgiving and I reminded Olivia that it was her day to sweep the living room/kitchen and to wipe down the counters.”

“My parents asked why I make her do so many chores when our house is so small. I told them that half the mess is hers so it’s only fair for her to contribute.”

“I also said it’s good for her to know how to do these things for when she’s older.”

“My parents said that I’m treating her like a maid and told me to use my child support money to pay for a maid if I can’t handle cleaning the house by myself.”

“I told them that it’s not that I can’t handle cleaning the house by myself. I just think that if she lives here, she has to contribute.”

“My parents still think I’m abusing my kid so I wanted to know if I was the a**hole.”

Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:

  • NTA – Not the A**hole
  • YTA – You’re the A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everybody Sucks Here

Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole in the situation.

“Lol how dare you teach your daughter skills she will need when she lives independently eventually.” – mbreezers

“This post is crazy, it is a small house. It sounds like it takes no time to clean up and it works for them. All kids should do chores. All of them.” – Ursula2071

“Ten to fifteen minutes of chores to sweep and wipe down counters is ABUSE!! Kid neeeeeeds that time to do other things, she’s a kid!”

“6 to 7 years later, yet another young adult who tries weaponized incompetence on college roomies.” – wickybasket

“Definitely NTA. And the benefits to children go beyond learning life skills: studies (e.g. out of Harvard, U.Minn., etc.) have shown that kids who are given age and time-appropriat chores are more successful and independent in their adult lives.”

“If this sounds a little ‘Tiger Parent-y’ to some, chores also improve happiness and prosocial behaviours in kids – probably due to the feeling of self-competence they confer.” – jadorky

“NTA. My husband was raised by parents who never made him do anything, and you know what he knows how to do? NOTHING! I had to teach him how to cook, clean, write a check, and pretty much every other life skill.”

“Being able to take care of yourself if something everyone should know how to do, so you’re helping her way more than your parents realize.” – MadamMayham

“NTA, I’m 14 and that sounds like a reasonable amount of chores. Especially since your daughter has nothing to say about it.”

“If your daughter told you that you give her too many chores, you should try to negotiate, but she didn’t, it was someone who isn’t even involved (your parents).” – AntiObamacore

“NTA. Your daughter is learning good life skills. She will be a great roommate partner someday!”

“Not only is she learning what her responsibilities are but you are teaching her what to expect from other people as well.” – Professional_Dig1397

“Your parents comments are ridiculous. If teaching your child to clean at age 14 is abusive then my mother was a monster to me – NTA.” – ElectricMoccoson

“NTA – You’re not treating her like a maid. In fact, you’re treating her like no maid exists, because people are responsible for cleaning up after themselves.”

“If you were sending your child to friend’s houses to clean their messes, yes… you’re treating her like a maid. But she’s cleaning her own house, her own messes… that’s not very ‘maid-like’, in fact, maids clean other people’s houses, not their own. You’re teaching her responsibility. Ignore your parents.” – KittyKittyMuffinPile

“NTA. Parents like yours are why my brother didn’t know he needed to out soap on his dishwasher for his first few months living alone. Or how why hos clothes would have lint all over them when he washed and dried them. These are life skills everyone should know.” – Notsogoodadvicegiver

“NTA. What are you supposed to do, cook and clean for her till the day she moves out, then she can be completely unprepared for living in her own? A parent’s job is to prepare their child for the future and what you’re doing sounds very reasonable!” – WhatTheFaust

“NTA. As long as she has ample time to do her schoolwork and socialize with friends there is nothing wrong with expecting your daughter to contribute to the household.”

“14 years old is plenty old enough to have a list of chores to complete. I did wonder though – you don’t mention things like laundry, dishes, yard work, or cooking dinner at all. Does she also contribute 50/50 to those things?”

“They are all perfectly age appropriate tasks but at that point the time spent on chores might be edging on a bit too much for someone her age.” – kitkatbar38

The OP replied:

“She does her colored clothes. I do whites and delicates. I also make dinner (although I’m teaching her how to cook and she will make dinner one night a week soon), and we don’t really have a yard, so no yard work.”

Contrary to the parents’ accusing their daughter of treating Olivia like a maid, plenty of Redditors believed the OP was actually preparing her daughter to be responsible and ready to take care of herself when she eventually leaves the home.

Written by Koh Mochizuki

Koh Mochizuki is a Los Angeles based actor whose work has been spotted anywhere from Broadway stages to Saturday Night Live.
He received his B.A. in English literature and is fluent in Japanese.
In addition to being a neophyte photographer, he is a huge Disney aficionado and is determined to conquer all Disney parks in the world to publish a photographic chronicle one day. Mickey goals.
Instagram: kohster Twitter: @kohster1 Flickr: nyckmo