Parents use specific terms of affection depending on the situation.
Sometimes, it’s to calm a temperamental child, and other times, it’s solely for sweet interactions that young ones react positively to.
One mother found that one of the phrases she tells her kids is problematic and sought judgment from strangers online by visiting the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
There, Redditor dundermifflinrules1 asked:
“AITA for continuing to use a phrase when addressing my kids despite my husband not liking it?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (38 F[emale]) have 4 young kids with my husband (40 M[ale]).
“They are 5 years old, 4-year-old twins, and a 1-year-old.”
“Our kids are well-behaved in general. Anyone with young kids can confirm sometimes they have tantrums or get upset. Sometimes it’s over big things, and sometimes it’s over something silly.”
“For example, our 5-year-old was upset this morning because his shoes weren’t blue. They’ve never been blue. They’ve always been green. Today, I guess he just felt like having blue shoes.”
“A phrase I use when calming my kids down over smaller issues is ‘What’s the story, macaroni?’ “
“They love it when I say this, even when they are fussy or upset. I’m not sure why, but maybe it’s just as simple as they think I see them as macaroni. Maybe it’s the silliness of it. I can’t remember where I heard it.”
The OP continued:
“It’s effective, helps them work through their emotions so we can work on communicating why we’re upset and what can be done to fix it. For those wondering, in my 5-year-old’s case, the solution was letting him put stickers on his shoes. All is well again lol.”
Her spouse has a different opinion.
“My husband hates it when I say it. He has asked me several times not to say it because, to him, it sounds too childish. His approach is more strict, and he doesn’t take the more kid-friendly approach.”
“He would tell our 5-year-old that his shoes won’t turn blue just because he is upset and he shouldn’t throw a fit over something he can’t change. (This would have upset our son further, not made him stop fussing).”
“I feel like sometimes kids have very big and valid feelings but might not know how to express that in a constructive way. I prefer to take the silly approach for these smaller issues.”
“My kids respond positively to it, and it works. I don’t use it for every situation, but on smaller issues, I feel it is fine.”
“I have tried not to say it around my husband as he doesn’t like it. The kids love it, and the oldest will sometimes even ask me to say it even if he’s not upset, so I can’t always avoid it even when he is there.”
“I might be TA because it’s clear my husband really doesn’t like this phrase.”
“AITA because I haven’t stopped saying ‘what’s the story, Macaroni’?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA. You have a parenting tactic that works because the children like it, and it calms them down. Your husband has a parenting tactic that doesn’t seem viable with children your age. He rationalizes it, but the whole point is that the issue at hand (like the color of the shoes is the same as it always has been) is not rational, and the problem is not a rational one or a lack of understanding.”
“It is fine if your husband uses his tactics when HE deals with the situation, including the aftermath. He should carry the damage of his approach as well (like: they still cry. Problem not solved or even worse.). In the same way, you have to deal with the consequences of your approach.”
“What never works is doing what the other wants, while his approach is theoretical and he never gets to enjoy the consequences of his theoretical best approach.”
“Also, your husband should be informed that children of the age of 1, 4 and 5 are in fact childish. They are supposed to be.” – Jocelyn-1973
“I can imagine a really cute moment in the future where your kid is like 16 and dealing with something really serious, and doesn’t know how to talk about it, and mom says all soft ‘what’s the story, macaroni?’ And they break down and tell you everything, and everything’s ok again.”
“Don’t mind me lol just seeing movie-scenes in my head of your potential life.”
“(Btw NTA. I like it).” – rolyf’kingdiscopoly
“Sure, the language changes, but ‘What’s the story, Macaroni’ seems to be a kind of lighthearted way to say, hey kiddo, what’s the matter. I can see myself using this with my kids through their life, not with frequency, but when they have something troubling them (and in a private moment), a cue, if you will, that I am here and care just as much now about what is troubling you as I did all those years ago when you were a little one. I think it’s sweet.”
“NTA. And OP, I don’t know why this gets on your hubs nerves, but you are both dealing with pretty young children right now, and if it delights your children (and gets results), why does your husband not care if the children have a little joy in their lives? It’s not like they are being disobedient or anything…geez.” – PickleNotaBigDill
“I’m the boss applesauce, don’t get wise bubble eyes, see what I mean jellybean, whats the trouble bubble, you’re a poet but didn’t know it, but your toes sure show it because they are Longfellows…..these are the things my dad said all the time. NTA” – Solrackai
“NTA.”
“You are helping your children express their feelings in a healthy way. Maybe your husband never had a parent guiding him and was always taught to ‘get over it’ without having the room to express himself first. He might not know how beneficial your approach is.”
“How you teach them to regulate their emotions and think of a solution because he was never taught this. You are not ‘silly’, you are taking your children seriously and don’t dismiss their feelings.” – Poekienijn
“My husband was like this. He criticized my parenting choices whenever I did something that he thought ‘babied’ our children, even when they were infants. He demanded that I stop using a pillow to cushion my infant against my arm when nursing or just holding him. (He wanted to toughen up his son.) He also demanded it was time to stop nursing my daughter at six months because ‘it would be more convenient for the family.’ (How, I have no idea.)”
“I’m sorry, but when a man has the audacity to criticize a mother’s parenting when it is obviously working well for the children, he needs to learn that there’s room for both parents’ preferences, whether he likes it or not. Especially when his reasoning is that he wants them to toughen up and he doesn’t see the value in a softer approach. That’s just BS.” – hummingbird7777777
“NTA. i don’t know you nor your husband, but from your text it sounds like you are talking to your kids as if they are kids, and take their feelings into consideration. meanwhile your husband seems to talk to your kids as if they are his colleagues, not children.”
“ask him why a ‘childish’ phrase directed towards children is upsetting him, a grown man.” – Impressive-Sir1298
“NTA.”
“Your husband sure is, tho, and it doesn’t sound like he’s all that good with kids. They’re little, they see things in their own kid way, and you try to talk to them at their level, but he’s trying to talk to them like they’re adults acting like children.”
“Or maybe he’s just salty that your way works better than his.”
“Either way, NTA.” – WhatsUpWithJinx
“NTA, your husband sounds more like an AH for treating your kids like adults. They can’t think rationally like we do. If they are upset that their shoes are a different color, than that’s a big thing for them. Your husband could use some lessons in being empathetic towards your little kids.” – PhoenixMorgan2021
“Nta! You use that phrase to help the situation. Your husband uses things that hurt the situation. I hope he realizes that before he really ruins his relationship with them as they get older. Maybe couple therapy would help him realize if he hasn’t done any parenting classes or courses yet.” – CoCoaStitchesArt
Successful parenting is when spouses have an open line of communication in a civil manner without one antagonizing the other in a disagreement.
In this case, Redditors thought the husband was not seeing the fact that the OP’s phrase was actually helpful in comforting their children.
Speaking of which, they also thought he should be reminded of the fact that at their kids’ respective ages, they are still children, and a little coddling and sweet is not going to cause harm down the line but only strengthen the parent-child bond.