Many people will go to great lengths to justify someone’s bad behavior.
Urging people that they “didn’t really mean” what they said, or they’re “going through a phase”.
Some people even go so far as to guilt-trip others in an effort to excuse someone’s poor behavior.
At the end of the day, though, no matter how hard anyone may try to avoid it, bad behavior has consequences.
The son of Redditor throwaway123890098 had a birthday coming up.
When it came time to plan the guest list, the original poster (OP)’s son made it very clear that there was one person he most definitely did not want in attendance.
For reasons the OP completely understood.
Concerned this exclusion might have caused drama within her family, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not inviting my nephew to my sons birthday party?”
The OP explained why her nephew was persona non grata at her son’s upcoming birthday party:
“I (35 F[emale]) have a son, Cillian (14 M[ale]) who just recently had a birthday.”
“The issue stems from his birthday from last year, where we invited all his cousins and his friends to celebrate him.”
“The party went great for the first half, but when it came time to cut the cake I went over to fridge to go get it and saw it was half eaten.”
“I was obviously upset about this because this had been a cake that I had made by a professional baker that cost me around $140 and my son really loved the design.”
“I asked who ate the cake and my sister (44 F) laughed it off when her son, Robbie, (16 M) told her that he ate the cake because he was hungry.”
“To be clear the cake wasn’t the only food at the party, throughout the party we served many different dishes such as wings, veggie platters, pizzas, chips, and sodas.”
“I was obviously angry that my son couldn’t have his cake and had to quickly go out and by one from Walmart.”
“I’m honestly still shocked that with all the food at the party Robbie still managed to clear half of a huge cake, it was enough to produce about 20 slices.”
“I called my sister later to tell her I wasn’t happy with what her son had done and since I had spent so much money on the cake I expected it back.”
“She then accused me of being fat phobic which absolutely is not true, I have never once discriminated against Robbie at any time, this was just a false accusation.”
“To explain, Robbie has a weight problem and has been having issues with binging since he was around 13 which is why he is about 250 pounds and my sister has never failed to let anyone know of that and expects for everyone to bend over backwards for Robbie since he has it hard.”
“This year Cillian wanted to have a friends only party with the exception of 2 cousins, one that only his friends and closest cousins could come to since he hated his party from last year.”
“I asked why and he explained to me that he was embarrassed of Robbie since all he did was poke fun at his friends and him, bring his own uninvited plus one, and obviously he ate some of the cake.”
“I complied and only invited his friends and allowed 2 of his cousins to join as well.”
“Luckily some of my siblings were understanding, the only one who had an issue with this was my sister.”
“She called me to ask why Robbie wasn’t invited and I explained to her that Cillian doesn’t want him there because of what he did last year, my sister was infuriated and said she knew we had an issue with her sons weight.”
“Since then she has been ranting all over Facebook and I’ve been getting calls from relatives and this entire situation has been stressing me out.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP Fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for excluding her nephew from her son’s birthday party.
Everyone agreed that the behavior of the OP’s nephew was more than enough justification not to invite him to her son’s birthday party, and the fact that he ate half a cake had nothing to do with his weight, but only demonstrated both his and her sister’s poor manners:
“NTA.”
“You don’t have an issue with her sons weight, nor are you being ablest or fat phobic.”
“You have an issue with him bringing an uninvited guest, making comments that made your son uncomfortable, bullying your son and his friends, and last, but most importantly he ate half of his birthday cake.”
“There was plenty of food and he was not starving.”
“He’s old enough to know what the word no means and he knew he should not have ate that.”
“His behavior is why he was not invited.”
“I would consider going low contact with your sister.”
“I think you’ll find your life much more peaceful that way.”- United-Manner20
“NTA.”
“Your sister seems unable to distinguish between her son’s weight and his behavior.”
“Excluding him for weight would indeed make you an ahole, but you’re excluding him for his terrible behavior.”
“He could’ve been skinny as a beanpole, and you’d still exclude him for his behavior.”
“Your sister is really not helping her son by conflating these two things.”
“Idk if he’s too old to listen to you anymore (my guess – he’s learned from Mom that he doesn’t have to listen to anything critical), but if you get a chance to talk to him directly, he needs to be aware that his weight is a very different issue than his behavior, and the world at large is not going to excuse his behavior the way his mother does.”
“But my guess is that such a conversation would be pointless at best and would set off another tirade from your sister at worst, so your nephew is going to have to learn that lesson in other ways.”-FeuerroteZora
“NTA.”
“It’s your son’s party.”
“He’s old enough to determine his own guest list, and he’s entitled to do so.”
“He picked the people he wanted to celebrate with.”
“That’s his prerogative.”
“Also, this was a friend’s party, not a family party.”
“Being family doesn’t mean one is owed an invite, and his cousin’s past poor behavior justifies him not being invited.”- Wild_Ticket1413
“NTA.”
“Your nephew is 16, and I double-checked because I thought surely he is just 6; but he is way too old for that behavior to be even remotely tolerated.”
“Heck, I would have been appalled if my son had done that at 3 yrs old.”
“Your son is allowed a birthday party that he enjoys without having to worry that his cousin is going to act inappropriately.”
“I would tell anyone who asks that your son is having a close friend’s party, and the guest list has been set.”
“Repeat that to anyone who decides to stick their nose to it, and do not think for a second you have done anything wrong.”
“Your sister allows her almost adult son to act very inappropriately and he is old enough to understand the consequences of those actions.”- afspouse123
“NTA.”
“Fat people don’t get a free pass to eat everyone else’s food.”
“His problem isn’t that he’s fat, it’s that his mother doesn’t love him enough to get him help for his food obsession, and she hasn’t taught him basic manners or that it is wrong to steal no matter how hungry we are.”- Sonsangnim
“NTA.”
“Your sister is a big part of the problem here.”
“The fact that she was just fine with her son eating the special birthday cake before it was even served is ridiculous.”
“She needs to stop trying to make everything about his weight and realize her son just has some behavioral problems that she seems to enable.”- Stranger0nReddit
“NTA.”
“You are not fatphobic.”
“Your sister and her son are using his weight as an excuse to be a**holes.”
“Besides, as teenagers, 3 year difference is big.”
“Your son is 14, and cousin is 17, and interests between those ages are not the same anyway.”
“What does cousin want in this birthday party?”
“Can’t he hang out with people who are his own age?”- Capable-Brilliant743
The only thing more surprising than the fact that a 16-year-old boy thought it would be ok to cut someone else’s birthday cake, make fun of the birthday boy and his friends, and bring a guest without asking is the fact that the OP’s sister didn’t seem to think he did anything wrong.
And made no effort whatsoever to apologize.
Instead, she seemed to jump to her “go-to” excuse: her son’s weight.
An excuse that isn’t going to work in every situation, as much as she might hope it will…