We can all say that we generally want the best for the people we love, and we’ll do our best to attend all of their important events.
But if living with them around has been hard, attending those events may not feel so appealing, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor angosmalewife had already attended for of her chronically-dating mother’s weddings, so when a job interview overlapped with the fifth one, she didn’t think she had that big of a decision to make.
But when everyone ridiculed her for not showing up, the Original Poster (OP) realized she was in for a rude awakening.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for skipping my mother’s 5th wedding to go to a job interview at ASDA (a popular British supermarket)?”
The OP had to make an important choice in her work life.
“For the past few months, I (26 Female) have been unemployed and desperate for a job.”
“I finally got an opportunity for a job at ASDA (a popular British supermarket), but the date overlapped with my 52-year-old mother’s fifth wedding.”
She also had conflicting feelings about her memories of her mother.
“Over the span of my life, my mother has been in over 50 relationships, only 5 lasting more than 2 months.”
“As a child, this really distressed me as I had many random men coming into my house frequently, and my mum was pretty much neglecting me throughout this.”
“My dad left when I was 4 after my mother cheated on him with 6 guys (I found this out a lot later), and I didn’t have contact with him until I was 18.”
“After all of my mother’s relationships (and 4 divorces), she finally insists she has found the right man and invited me to their wedding 2 weeks before my interview.”
“Then I realized they were the same date.”
Others did not agree with the OP’s choice, whether or not it was best for her.
“I figured that going to the interview would benefit me more than the wedding and decided to go to the interview instead.”
“I assumed my mother wouldn’t mind as I had attended every wedding before that, but I was wrong.”
“She was very angry at me and my whole family has been calling to tell me how much of an a**hole I am for missing my mother’s big day.”
Fortunately for the OP, the decision at least worked in her favor.
“I did get the job, though, and now I am financially stable enough to afford the rent for my 1 bedroom flat, and I do not regret a thing.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some, of course, made jokes about attending the sixth wedding.
“NTA. You’ll catch the next one.” – mynamecouldbesam
“My uncle is the same as the OP’s mom. My mom and grandma have declared they’ll hit all the odd weddings, since they missed his 2nd anyway.” – mini-ami
“Or, ‘I’ve been to a few already, are you just needing some seat fillers or is there gonna be anything different this time?'”
“If they were to ride in on a horse, for example, that might be something I’d be willing to watch. Or dogs as ring bearers.”
“If you are going for quantity over quality in marriages, you really need to entertain the repeat guests.”
“I also hope that she removed the ‘for better or worse, richer or poorer, till death do us part’ part, cause that ain’t happening.”
“NTA.” – TUFKAT
“I love all the snarky comments telling her you’ll come to her 6th, but if you need an actually-productive thing to tell her, apologize for the unavoidable conflict (just to keep the peace).”
“You could also tell her you’d love to take her out to dinner or make them dinner to celebrate their first anniversary next year, either on the date or near it (if they want that date for something special just for them). (But set a price limit if you go out… that could get rough.)”
“NTA, for sure.” – Susan4Pax
Others didn’t see the point of attending so many weddings for the same person.
“I’ve said I’m not going to any more of my uncle’s weddings. Three is enough. Especially when he talks on and on about being a good Catholic but is living in sin with someone who is the age of his kids.” – Throwawaycarstore
“NTA. My niece was getting married for the third time. Backstory: she cheated on her live-in boyfriend with a man she met while he drove his mother to Florida for the winter from our home state. She was living with the boyfriend in Florida at the time, and the boyfriend was about 20 years older than her.”
“She followed a new squeeze back to our state, and she moved in with him. New squeeze was a very nice guy, and I felt bad for him.”
“Within a few months, I got a wedding invitation with niece and new squeeze. My Mother asked me if I wanted to chip in a large amount of money (I was the good daughter and the only sibling who was not living off my mother’s handout).”
“I would of course give much more than my other poor siblings who did not have a lot of money, except when it came to cigarettes and booze. I refused to contribute to the wedding gift.”
“Mom was horrified, but I told her that I had already purchased two wedding gifts for her in the past, and if my niece was still married to the new squeeze in 2 years, I would get them a gift. I was told how horrible I was.”
“4 months after the wedding, the niece calls her new husband at work, asks when he’s coming home from work and what he wanted for supper since he often worked overtime and came home at different times all week.”
“Niece then opened the door to their home and helped her former Florida boyfriend load up all the really nice wedding gifts and other items from the home into the big rental truck Florida boyfriend had rented after he flew one way to our state, and off they went.”
“After the first, and maybe the second, the rest of the weddings are just gift-grabs, you are not required to be there. Congrats on the new job.” – LadyGrassLake
“I have a rule, I attend only one of each of the major life event parties per person. You’ll only see me at One of your Weddings, one baby shower, one divorce party, one funeral. All others get an RSVP Regrets response.”
“Ok, maybe I’d go to a 2nd funeral, because you don’t see those every day.” – Humble-Plankton2217
Some were happy to hear about the new job, wedding included or not.
“Congratulations on the job and I’m sorry that you got dragged through childhood in the wake of your mom’s messy love life. I had similar experiences and it leaves some damn strange psychological effects.”
“Obviously, I have no idea where you are at with all of that but if you suspect that it is impacting the way you connect with people, I will say that therapy helped me put in better perspective and reduce the effects of my past on my present.” – rapt2right
“You got the job. Congrats! Tell mummy you’ll catch her on wedding #6.” – TheMobyD*cks
“Which will last longer: your job or this marriage?” – wordsmithy
“You don’t need toxic energy like that in your life. Your family should understand that even if the fifth times the charm, you need a livelihood.” – SeraphXChild
“If ASDA is as good of a company over there as it is here (US), you will do well financially.”
“Your family will get over it or you’ll be able to say ‘I told you so’ at her upcoming divorce announcement.” – tyvicdenp305007
“NTA, congrats! And if possible, see if you can get the option where you have music playing instead of them hearing the rings when they call you and select the Henry the eighth song.”
“Seriously, your family siding with her on this shows that they are just as worthless as her. When you go through more men than an army company on the front lines, you shouldn’t have anyone show up for your repeat weddings. She’s NOT Elizabeth Taylor.” – throwawayhater3343
“NTA. She told you about the wedding two weeks before your interview. Who does that? She should have given notice much earlier.”
“And based on your unemployment at the time, I feel should definitely have understood how badly you needed this job. Block all of them for a while if they don’t stop harassing you.” – Shakeit126
“NTA because you were given notice of the wedding just 2 weeks before your interview.”
“Businesses will understand you have other life commitments and, if you had known in advance, you could have asked for another interview date. Your mother needs to also recognize you have other commitments and can’t drop everything.” – Kaimyguyman
While her family was really letting her have it, the subReddit understood that the OP needed to get a job in order to support herself.
It might have been nice for her to make an appearance at the wedding, but as some pointed out, ASDA tends to have all-day interviews and training sessions.
If the OP wanted to support herself, she realistically may have had to choose between getting a job and attending a celebration, and sometimes, we really do have to let the money do the talking.