Not everybody in life is meant to get along.
That’s a harsh truth people learn too late.
Being a people pleaser can be toxic, but most of the world seems to do it.
This is why it can be shocking to others when someone says exactly what they feel to preserve their own space and sanity.
Redditor dasskz wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for publicly telling my ex-coworker that I don’t like them?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (32 F[emale]) ran into an ex-worker Sara (31 F) at a bar while I was out with friends celebrating my birthday.”
“We worked together for 2 years at a fast food restaurant.”
“I left this job in January 2025.”
“She was a shift lead, and I’ve never liked her.”
“I didn’t like her management style or her personality.”
“She came up to me at the bar, and we had a 10ish minute conversation.”
“I thought it was cordial and polite.”
“She was mostly asking me questions about my new job.”
“She asked if I would recommend her for a job at my new company.”
“I got a job at a call center, nothing glamorous.”
“I told her that I wasn’t comfortable with that.”
“She brushed it off with a bad joke.”
“I ended the conversation and walked to my friends’ table, and Sara followed me.”
“I didn’t notice until I got to the table, and she sat down next to me.”
“My friends introduced themselves, and I, without thinking, said something along the lines of ‘I don’t like you, can you please leave?'”
“I have autism, and I could tell that was not the correct thing to say.”
“Everyone seemed uncomfortable, and Sara was visibly shocked and upset.”
“My friends were shocked and confused.”
“They assumed that Sara was a friend or someone I invited to the table.”
“They had zero context of who Sara is.”
“Sara made a scene and told me that I was a rude b**ch and a bunch of other things.”
“She said that I embarrassed her.”
“She embarrassed herself by following me to my table uninvited.”
“And yes, she knew it was my birthday.”
“I do feel bad and know that I could have formulated a polite response.”
“But she’s a former coworker and an unpleasant one.”
“I have many stories about her, but the worst example is that she made jokes about my autism and deafness multiple times.”
“She is fake nice, and her friendship style is bullying people.”
“She has a really icky vibe.”
“I don’t know what Sara wanted from me.”
“I wasn’t going to hang out with her, especially not on my birthday.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA for telling her bluntly that I don’t like her?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA- Some people apparently need straight up bluntness even if it is rude.”
“She is one of them.”
“You told her you weren’t comfortable recommending her for a position where you are now.”
“She brushed it off with a joke.”
“You ended the conversation.”
“She followed you to the table.”
“She needed blunt.” ~ GothPenguin
“Exactly. I’m sure many people are reading this post saying, ‘Damn. I wish I could be that blunt.'”
“There is a time and a place for it, and this was it.”
“Also, with autism, it’s easy for manipulative people to hijack that tendency to question your actions whenever anyone gets upset.”
“You do the right thing, and then they act all offended, hoping to get you to waffle.”
“If you suspect this may be happening, seeking independent opinions (like you’re doing right now) is vital.”
“Well done all around, OP!” ~ CuriousTiktaalik
“NTA, the fact you told her to have a good night and walked away showed the conversation was at an end.
“Her following you and sitting down showed she needed that bluntness!” ~ swatchyswatcher-
“So not only did she say something that was self-deprecating, but she also insulted you by saying your job isn’t that hard.”
“NTA – you were clear in your goodbye.”
“She didn’t get the hint, so you had to be blunt.” ~ MimiDu2123
“Wish I had the guts to be that clear and to the point.”
“People like Sara rely on everyone being too polite to call her out.”
“She was expecting to crash your party, make contacts, and try and persuade your friends to get her a job.”
“She’d have made you miserable in your friend circle by invading it.”
“Good for you for speaking up.” ~ Frankifile
“Absolutely- I’m so impressed that OP said something and set boundaries.”
“I think if any of the friends at the table were uncomfortable, they should now be treated to a bunch of stories about how rude and offensive ex-coworker has always been so they understand how much OP’s response was both necessary and justified!”
“OP, your friends would definitely support you if they knew how awful Sara really was.”
“I hope somebody also told her off for calling you names after she was told to leave!”
“NTA at all.”
“She had it coming.” ~ Lizwings
“100% NTA.”
“Sara was probably hoping that if she asked for the recommendation again in front of other people, OP would be too polite to say no, or maybe even trying to worm her way into getting a recommendation from someone else.”
“She knew exactly what she was doing, and she’s just salty for being called out on it.” ~ Content-Army2384
“NTA. I’m in favor of being blunt when someone crosses a line.”
“She followed you to your table without being invited.”
“That’s just creepy of her.”
“Plus, you had already said no to the job recommendation.”
“She had no reason to think you wanted her to join you at your table.” ~ Deep-Okra1461
“I’m going to say NTA with the caveat that it does sound like your delivery could have benefited from more tact if you didn’t want to be perceived as mean.”
“Autism or no, that was a very blunt thing to say, and if you stand by your statement, I think it’s pretty badass that you told her to her face that you didn’t want anything to do with her.”
“Another way to phrase my answer: NTA, but you were kind of an a**hole to her, and it sounds like she kind of deserved it.” ~ mjs1742
“NTA. Good for you for being honest.”
“It’s bad enough she invited herself to join you and your friends, but the fact that she treated you so badly when you worked together means she doesn’t deserve kindness or courtesy from you.”
“I hope after she left, you told your friends about her AH behavior.”
“They should know what kind of person she is.”
“Someone who makes fun of others’ autism or deafness is not a good person.” ~ Bookish4269
“NTA. She followed you without invitation, which is rude, particularly when you weren’t friends in the past.”
“She did it because she wanted something from you.”
“I strive to be more forthright in situations like this.” ~ Sportychicken
“I also drive to be this honest!”
“It’s not that I don’t want to be; it’s a matter of socialization vs integrity.”
“If someone is reared in an environment that values gentility/social acceptance/filial piety over everything else, it can be so difficult to ‘Say the Thing.'”
“This becomes an issue when others have also been conditioned to behave this way, and the result is that 99% of the group feels obligated to resort to nonverbal cues while simultaneously tolerating the intolerant.”
“It’s an asinine social dance that needs to be retired among friends.”
“OP, you are NTA.”
“Not only did you preserve your personal integrity, you said the thing that probably needed to be said to this person years ago.”
“I can’t help but think that if most people had compassionately honest people present early in their lives, we’d all be dealing with less rude behavior because more people might have the self-awareness to think before they act.”
‘You did what for this person what should have happened years before, which is check them on their insincerity.” ~ BeerAnBooksAnCats
“Agree. The fact that OP provided examples didn’t sway my opinion.”
“It doesn’t matter even if OP was wrong or ‘holding a grudge’ regarding Sara.”
“The point is Sara seemed to only want to talk with OP because she wanted something and then when Sara was told ‘no’ (perfectly valid boundary regarding references, especially at a new job).”
“Sara refused to accept and instead followed OP and wouldn’t leave OP to the existing plans.” ~ One_Ad_704
“If she really made fun of your autism and deafness, then NTA.”
“You could have asked her to leave without saying you didn’t like her, but at least you know she won’t be pestering you for a job now.” ~ your-rong
“The only thing about this that seems off is OP is trying to insinuate she couldn’t help but to be so blunt because of autism.”
“If that were truly the case, OP would have told this girl off during the 2 years she worked with her, and the girl was supposedly always making fun of OP.”
“I think OP told her off this time solely because she no longer works with her and thus no longer has to worry about repercussions.”
“Still, OP isn’t the a**hole here; it just doesn’t sit well with me when people try to use autism as a get out of jail free card.” ~ Butter_Bean_Majean
“NTA – wild of her to be making fun of you having autism and being deaf, but acting in total shock after you told her you don’t like her.”
“Also, it’s pretty rude of Sara to go and follow you to your table she was not invited to after you guys finished a conversation and you guys were not particularly close as friends.”
“Maybe she’ll take that as a sign to learn how to read the room.” ~ amelia611
“NTA. While it may have been a little better to say, ‘This is my birthday celebration, and you’re not invited. Can you please leave?'”
“That could have easily been followed by her saying, ‘Oh, I’d love to celebrate with you,’ or something like that, and then you would have had to say that you didn’t want to celebrate with her, and why.”
“Also, who stays and makes a scene after being told that?”
“If she was so ‘shocked and upset,’ she would have just slunk away, and then you and your friends would have probably felt bad.”
“This way, she just demonstrated that she’s a bully.”
“Don’t waste any time feeling bad about this.” ~ T_G_A_H
“NTA. I think there is a difference between not reading the room or vibe correctly and setting a clear, hard boundary.”
“Sara is the one not reading the room correctly.”
“You and Sara are not friends.”
“Nor were you ever.”
“You made it clear you were uncomfortable being used as a reference for a job, and you physically distanced yourself from her.”
“Personally, I think what you said was exactly the right thing to say.”
“Sara was aggressive in her pursuit of you, and she needed to know firmly and clearly that her presence wasn’t wanted.”
“I see no issue in what you said or how you handled yourself.” ~ SubstantialQuit2653
“NTA. Sara had a lot of nerve to ask you to recommend her for a position at your new company!”
“I would have been tempted to respond, ‘Are you joking?'”
“‘You are the reason I left Happy Hamburgers in the first place!'”
“‘Your management style of bullying the people you supervise cannot be overlooked, and I would have to alert our HR department of your inappropriate interactions with employees.’” ~ Humble-Network5796
“My take is OP spent two years working with this person and pretending to like her.”
“This explains why she acted shocked and hurt when OP was blunt about not liking her.”
“Now that OP doesn’t work with her, she felt free to tell her how she really feels about her.”
“I just don’t like that she’s seemingly trying to blame autism for her sudden bout of bluntness.”
“If autism were to blame, OP would have told Sara off months ago when she was bullying her at work.”
“NTA still, but it demonstrates how pretending to like someone can really put you in an awkward position.”
“Also, blaming autism because you chose to be rude to someone and embarrass them in public isn’t the hill to die on.” ~ Butter_Bean_Majean
“NTA. That’s hilarious,s and I wish I had the guts to be that blunt sometimes.”
“I bet that if you were less blunt and ‘more polite’ about it, she would’ve talked her way around it.”
“Like if you said it was a private table for your friends, she’d respond that you are friends or that she doesn’t mind being the odd one out.”
“Sometimes bluntness is needed to get your point across and get results.” ~ Upstairs_Ad_5551
“NTA, you did nothing wrong.”
“You did the polite catch up, you declined her request, you walked away.”
“Being blunt with unpleasant people is no crime.” ~ Motor_Dark6406
“NTA. Good for you!”
“Keep those types of people as far away as possible.” ~ nopedalassist
“NTA. People like her, as you have described her, do not deserve courtesy.”
“Politeness and courtesy are supposed to be reciprocal.” ~ honorablenarwhal
OP came back to chat…
“I forgot to mention how my friends reacted after Sara left.”
“They were really upset that she called me a b**ch and collectively told her to leave.”
“Sara left quickly, and I told them who she was.”
“They’ve heard stories about Sara for years.”
“None of my friends thought I was an a**hole.”
“All of them were comforting and validating.”
“We ended up leaving the bar within the hour because I was overstimulated and felt so uncomfortable being at the bar. “
“We went back to my apartment and hung out for a bit there.”
“The reason I thought I was an a**hole is because I’ve been trying to be better about social situations.”
“My friends are used to how I communicate and are biased.”
“When I was reflecting on the situation, I was thinking of better ways to tell Sara to leave that wouldn’t have resulted in a scene or being berated.”
“Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my post.”
“I can’t possibly respond to every comment, but I have read them all.”
“I have some questions about how I work in a call center when I’m deaf.”
“I’m almost completely deaf in one ear, which is called hard of hearing.”
“I wear a hearing aid.”
“I can hear the caller with the headset, but I can’t hear my environment.”
“My coworkers will wave or message me on Teams.”
“As for being autistic and working in a call center, autism is a spectrum, and plenty of autistic people work customer service jobs.”
“Honestly, when you call a call center with an issue or question, wouldn’t you want a direct and informed answer?”
Reddit understands your actions, OP.
Your ex-coworker was out of line.
Yes, you could’ve woven a slightly less catty response, but she caught you off guard.
It’s great that you have such supportive friends.
Good luck with the new job.