Woman Balks When Fiancé Blames Her After He Burned Himself By Grabbing Hot Pan On Stove

Whenever something goes wrong in our life, be it major or minor, far too many people's inclinations is to find someone to blame.

Even if this was entirely their own doing or something that was out of anyone's control, and thus no one was at fault, they won't rest easy until blame is placed.

Conversely, there are an equal number of people who refuse to accept responsibility for something that was absolutely their fault.

No matter how much evidence is presented against them.

Redditor colieolieravioli and her fiancé recently enjoyed each other's company while having dinner together.

Unfortunately, an all-too-common kitchen mishap left the original poster (OP)'s fiancé injured.

While the OP's fiancé felt she was the one to blame for the mishap, the OP pleaded innocence.

Unable to decide who the responsible party was, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:

"AITA for not reminding my fiancé that stoves are hot?"

The OP explained why she and her fiancé found themselves playing the blame game after an accident in the kitchen:

"Last night, my fiancé (31 M[ale]) and I (30 F[emale]) were winding down our days getting ready to make dinner."

"Together in the kitchen, I popped the chicken in the oven."

"Also in the oven was our cast iron pan."

"We go back to our respective video games and then when the chicken was getting closer to finished, I go out to the kitchen to start on veggies."

"I take the now 400° cast iron out of the oven, turn on the stove, and plop some butter in there while I turn my back and start cutting veg."

My fiancé comes out, asking what it is that he needs to do."

"I say I just need these veggies cut (which I was actively doing) and he goes to give the cast iron pan a shake to move the butter around."

"Yea, the 400° iron handle, he grabbed it."

"It was less than a second, no lasting damage, but definitely burned his fingers."

"1st degree."

"Now the question becomes: was I the a**hole for not adequately warning him about the hot cast iron?"

"More importantly, I am refusing more than 50% blame for the incident."

"To me, the cast iron handles will regularly get hot when using it on the stove top, but obviously this was way hotter than 'usual hot', so I can't say that I would grab it with reckless abandon, like my lovely fiancé did."

"He claims I should at least take majority blame (51%/49% minimum, but he thinks more like 60%/40%)."

"Additionally, my back was turned, I didn't see him reach for the pan or I would have warned him."

"We went back and forth on the percent blame for a long while last night and we can't decide!"

"Obviously, reddit is the best place to go to solve relationship disputes."

"So AITA?"

Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

• NTA – Not The A**hole
• YTA – You're The A**hole
• NAH – No A**holes Here
• ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

While the Reddit community was somewhat divided as to who the a**hole was in this situation, just about everyone agreed that the OP did not seem to be in a healthy relationship.

Some had trouble sympathizing with either the OP or her fiancé, put off by the fact that they both seemed to focus on blaming one another as opposed to the fact that the OP's fiancé was injured:

"What the absolute f*ck."

"Why are you two assigning percentages to blame."

"This is a blameless situation."

"Your fiancé just accidentally grabbed a hot pan."

"You can't be blamed for that and honestly neither can fiancé-accidents happen."

"Sounds like fiancé is embarrassed and cannot give themselves grace so they need to turn it on you to protect their ego."

"You shouldn't be feeding into the blame game either."

"ESH."- gl00sen

"Stove hot and oven hot are very different types of hot, by about 250 degrees."

"The handle of a pan being used on the stove doesn't actually get that hot."

"In this scenario the pan was on the stove so it was reasonable to assume it had only been used on the stove."

"And it sounds like he had no way of knowing that particular pan just came out of the oven."

"So I do think you hold some blame."

"I can't justify 50%."

"I would settle more at around like 30% for not communicating."

"Because communication is inherently a shared blame since he also could have asked."

"But really, if someone is already cooking then you shouldn't be grabbing anything anywhere without a mitt."

"Which is why he gets extra blame."

"I'm hoping this is a friendly/jokey dispute and not something either of you actually got upset about."

"ESH I guess?"- ReflectP

Others felt that the OP  didn't do anything wrong, as she had no way of knowing her fiancé was reaching for the pan, even if they still didn't think this relationship was a healthy one.

"NTA."

"But your relationship sounds exhausting."

"You're seriously arguing about what percentage of blame you should each take for a small, commonplace, household accident?"

"I shudder to imagine how you guys handle real problems."- jsrsquared

While a few didn't think anyone was at fault for the OP's fiancé burning himself, even if they felt the OP should have kept a closer eye on the hot pan, and still questioned if the OP and her fiancé were a good match:

"I think probably NAH, this is just something that happens and it's not worth assigning blame."

"That being said, I personally think a cast iron pan out of the oven should either be jealously guarded or have a towel over the handle — because a pan is the type of thing that visually looks like it should only be on the stove (therefore the handle doesn't get that hot) not something that goes in the oven (even though cast iron pans do)."

"So for safety reasons I think it's a live issue that the person making it dangerously hot should take more responsibility for me."- Independent-Drive-32

Then there were those who felt the OP should have warned her fiancé first thing, even if they too otherwise agreed about the OP's relationship:

"Honestly?"

"If I walk into a room and there's butter just melting in a pan, then I'm assuming the handle isn't hot because the base of the pan isn't hot enough to have melted the butter."

"For now, YTA - you should have said it was just taken out of the oven, or (as someone else has pointed out) wrapped something around the handle."

"Is it common that you make utensils dangerous before using them, though?"

"If so, he may have gone in with a little more caution."- moneywanted

"I say this lightly, but YTA."

"There's not a visual indicator that cast-irons are hot, they don't make any noise or change color, and if the stovetop itself was turned off, I would believe that *anyone* would misjudge and think it's maybe warm, but definitely not burning hot."

"Even when I'm the one cooking and just get busy I forget that it's hot and will grab it from time to time."

"Something that you may look into is some silicone high heat cast iron grips."

"I keep a silicone grip on the handle of mine other than when I'm washing it to keep myself from grabbing it while hot."- immadriftersbody

"YTA."

"There is a big difference between the handle getting a little hot on the stove, and you cooking with the damn thing in the OVEN."

"No sh*t it's way hotter than normal."

"So yes, you SHOULD have warned him that the pan was cooking in the oven."

"Of course, this all comes down to whether or not he 100% knew the cast iron pan was in the oven the whole time."

"But also."

"You both suck for debating percentages of blame....what an exhausting relationship."- Sure-Lingonberry-283

Upon reading all the reactions from the Reddit community, the OP returned with an update, sharing the aftermath of the incident, as well as the status of her relationship:

"Thank you all, my fiancé and I were so excited to post this and have our relationship ripped to shreds."

"We turned it into date night at a local pizza place, played AITA bingo and have loved all the comments."

"As always, these comments are rife with mis-readings of the post."

"He had no idea I just took the pan out of the oven, heating the cast iron in the pan is actually ideal over our shitty stove top, and you're all right, and I should get one of those silicone handles!"

"Thanks for the laughs, we had such a fun day."

"Reddit calling my relationship exhausting has been the highlight of my week."

"He accepts his idiot badge proudly."

Seeing as the OP and her fiancé were able to laugh this all off, one imagines their relationship is on somewhat steadier ground than the Reddit community seemed to think it was.

Even if one can't help but wonder if the OP's fiancé knows she referred to him as an idiot?...