Perhaps the only people more excited about the impending arrival of a baby than their parents are the baby's grandparents.
Once the baby is born, grandparents often hop right in the car or book the first flight available to meet their new grandchild.
During this visit, they also likely want to provide a little help around the house for the new, exhausted parents.
But should they be expected to provide help when visiting their grandchildren?
The mother of Redditor CoverFew7481 certainly didn't think so.
Indeed, the original poster (OP)'s mother was shocked when her daughter-in-law asked for her to help out a bit, resulting in her calling her daughter-in-law some less than kind names.
Which the OP happened to overhear.
Wondering if they handled the situation as well as they should have, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for kicking my mom out of my house after she called my wife trashy?"
The OP explained how after overhearing their mother make disparaging remarks about their wife, they truly felt there was no other solution than to kick her out of their home.
"My mom came over recently to meet our 6-month-old son."
"My wife asked my mom to help her out by putting our son's laundry in."
"Now we come from very different families, and I know she offended my mom."
"In my mom's world, you don't ever ask a guest to do something like that."
"In my wife's family, they are very close, a bit suffocating at times, to be honest, and everyone pitches in."
"For example, if we stay with my wife's family we are given chores."
"If we stay with my mom we are waited on like guests."
"I could tell from my mom's face she was furious but she said ok."
"Her boyfriend went in the laundry room with her and was like 'what the f*ck, why would she ask you to do that, why are you doing it?'"
"My mom said she just doesn't want to fight with me anymore."
"Her boyfriend was like 'ok but to be clear if my mom came over would you ever ask her to do work?'"
"My mom said 'no, I'm not trashy.'"
"I saw red and immediately stepped into the room."
"I said how dare she call my wife names in our own home."
"My mom tossed the things at me and said good, I can wash them as it isn't her house and she did not choose to bring our son into the world."
"I said she crossed a line by calling my wife names in our own home."
"I told her to get the f*ck out and she isn't half the woman my wife is."
"My mom told me we are both trashy and she is done with us."
"My grandparents were furious when they heard and chewed me out for being entitled."
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided on where they believed the OP fell in kicking their mother out of their house, the majority felt that he was, indeed, the a**hole for doing so.
Some felt the OP's behavior was completely justified, as their mother was being disrespectful, while also finding it surprising that the OP's mother didn't offer to help her child and daughter-in-law out.
"Family helps."
"Guests don’t necessarily."
"Tell your mother that if she wants to be a guest, then she is welcome only when you invite her, and she is only privy to 'guest' information about your life."- Lynfran
"Don't visit a home with a newborn for more than 5 minutes if you don't intend to help them out."
"Wait for your invitation to the one-year birthday party instead and be a proper 'guest'."
"NTA."- Rohini_rambles
"NTA."
"I'm baffled by people who show up to houses with babies and expect to be waited on instead of to pitch in."
"When I had babies, my mom, Sunday school class members, friends, & Bible Study leaders all dropped in for weeks to bring food, bathe babies, & let me nap."
"Some even volunteered to vacuum."
"Then I did the same for my friends when they had babies."- Evening_Produce1070
Most, however, felt that it was indeed wrong for the OP's wife to ask her mother-in-law to help with laundry, and also felt it was wrong for the OP to eavesdrop on their mother's conversation, regardless of what she was saying.
"YTA."
"This whole situation was easily preventable."
"You decided to let cultural differences clash instead of intervening."
"You want brownie points for defending your wife when none of this could have happened if you communicated with your mother the expectations of her entering your home."
"You deserved the backlash you did this to yourself."- whatitdobaybeee65
"I’m going to be the Lone Ranger here but here goes."
"OP YTA."
"You knew that such a request would be looked at badly in your family."
"BUT you asked anyway."
"YET your 'offended' mom STILL goes to do the laundry and HAD started the laundry. YOU eavesdropped on a conversation you were NOT a part of and in your 'indignation' you tell YOUR MOM to get the F out?"
"Of course, she threw the clothes at you and told you to do it yourself."
"You should have been doing it in the first place."
"This would NOT have been an issue if you would have just told wifey I’ll take care of it in a few."
"You knew your mom would feel uncomfortable with that YTA."- Beenaprettymess
"YTA."
"You listen in a private conversation and eavesdrop like a creep."
"The biggest a**hole is your wife, who asks a guest, someone who you haven't seen in ages, who she knew wouldn't be okay with it, to do chores."
"Wtf?"
"Your mom sounds like she was a good mother overall, but apparently now that you're married, it's cool to let your wife make her uncomfortable even though she stayed away to make your wife comfortable."
"Apparently everyone needs to bend backward for your wife and be happy about it."-someweirdidiot
"YTA."
"First off it seems as if you and your mother don’t even have a close relationship and you don’t see her that much, which is why she’s seeing your baby now at six months old."
"So with that information why would she feel like family also she put aside her own feelings and discomfort and did the laundry even though YOU knew she did not feel comfortable doing it."
"Then you got mad at her for having a private conversation with her boyfriend about the situation and you got mad because she called your wife trashy which I don’t find trashy because I’m suffering."
"But not everyone’s like that and you cannot enforce those same boundaries and rules that your wife has onto your mother even when you know your wife and mother have different points of view and dynamics on family especially."
"Though this is the real question, I wanna ask why were you told to do the laundry. This is your house, your child, your baby, your baby's laundry, and she’s right she didn’t lay down and have that child you should be the one doing laundry."- Key_Mushroom3643
"YTA."
"Your wife doesn't see your mother as 'family', therefore, when she visits, she is just a 'guest' for you."
"But then, she is comfortable enough to assign a 'guest' house chores like laundry."
"How does this make any sense?"
"This is very rude in fact on your wife's behalf."
"This is not a basic growing up/family differences etc, this is basically a power play and it is quite easy to see."
"And OP was aware of all these and her mother was uncomfortable but did nothing to prevent it but watch."
"I feel sorry for OPs mom."- hellsteSternvonallen
"YTA."
"You escalated and burned down the house so quickly!"
"So your mother and her boyfriend came to visit for a few hours tops."
"Despite you just standing there your wife sees another woman and directs her to do a chore."
"I guess you need a vagina to operate your laundry machine."
"Your mother, though insulted, does it while quietly grumbling with her boyfriend."
"You, still standing around doing nothing, are eavesdropping, and knowing why she's insulted, knowing your mother's viewpoint, did not step in to apologize and explain, but instead blew up at your mother, threw insults and an ultimatum, and kicked her out."
"For not wanting to do your laundry but doing it anyway?"
"Grow up, you sound like a teenager."- NS_Tulkas
It is a little surprising that the first inclination of the OP's mother wasn't to help out the new, no doubt exhausted parents.
Though, arguably, while one can, by all means, accept help, asking for it could be considered presumptuous.
Not that it exactly justifies resorting to name-calling towards one's family.
The heightened reactions of just about everyone suggests that maybe there are more deep-rooted issues than the OP let on.
Issues they can hopefully work out sooner rather than later.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.