Perhaps the only people more excited about the impending arrival of a baby than their parents are the baby’s grandparents.
Once the baby is born, grandparents often hop right in the car or book the first flight available to meet their new grandchild.
During this visit, they also likely want to provide a little help around the house for the new, exhausted parents.
But should they be expected to provide help when visiting their grandchildren?
The mother of Redditor CoverFew7481 certainly didn’t think so.
Indeed, the original poster (OP)’s mother was shocked when her daughter-in-law asked for her to help out a bit, resulting in her calling her daughter-in-law some less than kind names.
Which the OP happened to overhear.
Wondering if they handled the situation as well as they should have, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for kicking my mom out of my house after she called my wife trashy?”
The OP explained how after overhearing their mother make disparaging remarks about their wife, they truly felt there was no other solution than to kick her out of their home.
“My mom came over recently to meet our 6-month-old son.”
“My wife asked my mom to help her out by putting our son’s laundry in.”
“Now we come from very different families, and I know she offended my mom.”
“In my mom’s world, you don’t ever ask a guest to do something like that.”
“In my wife’s family, they are very close, a bit suffocating at times, to be honest, and everyone pitches in.”
“For example, if we stay with my wife’s family we are given chores.”
“If we stay with my mom we are waited on like guests.”
“I could tell from my mom’s face she was furious but she said ok.”
“Her boyfriend went in the laundry room with her and was like ‘what the f*ck, why would she ask you to do that, why are you doing it?'”
“My mom said she just doesn’t want to fight with me anymore.”
“Her boyfriend was like ‘ok but to be clear if my mom came over would you ever ask her to do work?'”
“My mom said ‘no, I’m not trashy.'”
“I saw red and immediately stepped into the room.”
“I said how dare she call my wife names in our own home.”
“My mom tossed the things at me and said good, I can wash them as it isn’t her house and she did not choose to bring our son into the world.”
“I said she crossed a line by calling my wife names in our own home.”
“I told her to get the f*ck out and she isn’t half the woman my wife is.”
“My mom told me we are both trashy and she is done with us.”
“My grandparents were furious when they heard and chewed me out for being entitled.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided on where they believed the OP fell in kicking their mother out of their house, the majority felt that he was, indeed, the a**hole for doing so.
Some felt the OP’s behavior was completely justified, as their mother was being disrespectful, while also finding it surprising that the OP’s mother didn’t offer to help her child and daughter-in-law out.
“Family helps.”
“Guests don’t necessarily.”
“Tell your mother that if she wants to be a guest, then she is welcome only when you invite her, and she is only privy to ‘guest’ information about your life.”- Lynfran
“Don’t visit a home with a newborn for more than 5 minutes if you don’t intend to help them out.”
“Wait for your invitation to the one-year birthday party instead and be a proper ‘guest’.”
“NTA.”- Rohini_rambles
“NTA.”
“I’m baffled by people who show up to houses with babies and expect to be waited on instead of to pitch in.”
“When I had babies, my mom, Sunday school class members, friends, & Bible Study leaders all dropped in for weeks to bring food, bathe babies, & let me nap.”
“Some even volunteered to vacuum.”
“Then I did the same for my friends when they had babies.”- Evening_Produce1070
Most, however, felt that it was indeed wrong for the OP’s wife to ask her mother-in-law to help with laundry, and also felt it was wrong for the OP to eavesdrop on their mother’s conversation, regardless of what she was saying.
“YTA.”
“This whole situation was easily preventable.”
“You decided to let cultural differences clash instead of intervening.”
“You want brownie points for defending your wife when none of this could have happened if you communicated with your mother the expectations of her entering your home.”
“You deserved the backlash you did this to yourself.”- whatitdobaybeee65
“I’m going to be the Lone Ranger here but here goes.”
“OP YTA.”
“You knew that such a request would be looked at badly in your family.”
“BUT you asked anyway.”
“YET your ‘offended’ mom STILL goes to do the laundry and HAD started the laundry. YOU eavesdropped on a conversation you were NOT a part of and in your ‘indignation’ you tell YOUR MOM to get the F out?”
“Of course, she threw the clothes at you and told you to do it yourself.”
“You should have been doing it in the first place.”
“This would NOT have been an issue if you would have just told wifey I’ll take care of it in a few.”
“You knew your mom would feel uncomfortable with that YTA.”- Beenaprettymess
“YTA.”
“You listen in a private conversation and eavesdrop like a creep.”
“The biggest a**hole is your wife, who asks a guest, someone who you haven’t seen in ages, who she knew wouldn’t be okay with it, to do chores.”
“Wtf?”
“Your mom sounds like she was a good mother overall, but apparently now that you’re married, it’s cool to let your wife make her uncomfortable even though she stayed away to make your wife comfortable.”
“Apparently everyone needs to bend backward for your wife and be happy about it.”-someweirdidiot
“YTA.”
“First off it seems as if you and your mother don’t even have a close relationship and you don’t see her that much, which is why she’s seeing your baby now at six months old.”
“So with that information why would she feel like family also she put aside her own feelings and discomfort and did the laundry even though YOU knew she did not feel comfortable doing it.”
“Then you got mad at her for having a private conversation with her boyfriend about the situation and you got mad because she called your wife trashy which I don’t find trashy because I’m suffering.”
“But not everyone’s like that and you cannot enforce those same boundaries and rules that your wife has onto your mother even when you know your wife and mother have different points of view and dynamics on family especially.”
“Though this is the real question, I wanna ask why were you told to do the laundry. This is your house, your child, your baby, your baby’s laundry, and she’s right she didn’t lay down and have that child you should be the one doing laundry.”- Key_Mushroom3643
“YTA.”
“Your wife doesn’t see your mother as ‘family’, therefore, when she visits, she is just a ‘guest’ for you.”
“But then, she is comfortable enough to assign a ‘guest’ house chores like laundry.”
“How does this make any sense?”
“This is very rude in fact on your wife’s behalf.”
“This is not a basic growing up/family differences etc, this is basically a power play and it is quite easy to see.”
“And OP was aware of all these and her mother was uncomfortable but did nothing to prevent it but watch.”
“I feel sorry for OPs mom.”- hellsteSternvonallen
“YTA.”
“You escalated and burned down the house so quickly!”
“So your mother and her boyfriend came to visit for a few hours tops.”
“Despite you just standing there your wife sees another woman and directs her to do a chore.”
“I guess you need a vagina to operate your laundry machine.”
“Your mother, though insulted, does it while quietly grumbling with her boyfriend.”
“You, still standing around doing nothing, are eavesdropping, and knowing why she’s insulted, knowing your mother’s viewpoint, did not step in to apologize and explain, but instead blew up at your mother, threw insults and an ultimatum, and kicked her out.”
“For not wanting to do your laundry but doing it anyway?”
“Grow up, you sound like a teenager.”- NS_Tulkas
It is a little surprising that the first inclination of the OP’s mother wasn’t to help out the new, no doubt exhausted parents.
Though, arguably, while one can, by all means, accept help, asking for it could be considered presumptuous.
Not that it exactly justifies resorting to name-calling towards one’s family.
The heightened reactions of just about everyone suggests that maybe there are more deep-rooted issues than the OP let on.
Issues they can hopefully work out sooner rather than later.