When you enter a relationship that relationship will always come with baggage.
That baggage can often be a partner’s family.
And that is a hard road to navigate.
How much crap is one suppose to put up with from a lover’s family?
Case in point…
Redditor throwawaysimo4937564 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my GF’s dad I am satisfied with owning just his daughter after he disapproved of us getting married because I might ‘own’ other women in the future?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Some context: my girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years.”
“Except for her dad, all of her family likes me.”
“He disapproves of our relationship and always asks that I denounce my religion (I’m a Muslim).”
“And wouldn’t let me pray at their house when we visit, he’d also make insulting remarks sometimes.”
“My girlfriend knows that I practice my religion in the limit of praying, fasting ramadan and giving the zakat.”
“And I would never ask her to convert, control what she’s wearing or anything similar or dislike people because of their sexual orientation.”
“Her sister is a lesbian and I have become good friends with her.”
“I’m also going with her later this month to the parade.”
“She and her family always apologizes to me and asks to not put much thought into what he says.”
“Because he’ll come to like me eventually and they’ll try to talk to him.”
“In the last few months the frequency of his comments started decreasing.”
“Well, yesterday he told me that if I am still Muslim by the time we decide to get married he wouldn’t allow it.”
“Because he wasn’t comfortable with his daughter being married to someone who’ll likely want to own more wives in the future.”
“The whole place went silent for a few seconds.”
“I laughingly replied that he doesn’t have to worry about other women because owning his daughter was more than enough for me.”
“My gf, her mom and siblings (including their partners) all started laughing hysterically.”
“I never saw a person more red and angry in my life.”
“He told me to get the f**k out of his house and never set a foot in it again and asked his daughter to stay.”
“After she came back she was furious.”
“She said I should have just kept my mouth shut and ignored him because now he asked her to give the car and credit card back.”
“I told her she knows how much his insults hurt me whenever I am there and I can’t take them anymore.”
“And the only reason I kept going to his house because she kept asking me to.”
“And because of her mom and siblings who likes me.”
“And I don’t have to put with him like they do just because he is wealthy.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. GF’s dad is the least of your worries.”
“Your GF has made it clear that the car and credit card is of more importance to her than your feelings. Focus more on that and less on her dad.” ~ nikokazini
“Not to mention I’m sure the dad isn’t upset because of OP’s comment, he’s upset because he got laughed at… by his daughter, wife, etc.”
“If OP had said his remark and everyone in the room has acted shocked and upset.”
“The father would have happily gone on with his night, pleased that he had egged OP into making a comment that made OP look bad in the minds of everyone else present.”
“OP isn’t the one who laughed at the father and made him feel humiliated.”
“If the girlfriend/daughter is upset about material possessions being taken from her, she needs to look in the mirror and figure out why she accepts anything from a man she then has to constantly apologize for.”
“If she doesn’t realize it is her own choices that led to this issue, OP isn’t going to be able to salvage this situation, nor should he want to.” ~ OrindaSarnia
“Even if your gf’s isn’t ‘owned,’ she’s very clearly her daddy’s ‘kept woman.'”
“Maybe find someone who’s unattached and marry her instead?”
“Your gf is apparently not free to choose to marry you. NTA.” ~ mouse_attack
“OP, seriously think again before proceeding with your relationship.”
“Till now your girlfriend has asked you to ignore her father’s abuse to you.”
“And now, when you finally react even in a joking manner, she is blaming you.”
“Unless your gf is actually ready to cut her father out of her life, you should not marry her.”
“Or else you’ll have to keep “ignoring” this abuse throughout your life.” ~ ThatSlothDuke
“NTA, I think it’s hilarious that he’s concerned about you “owning” women but thinks his daughter needs his permission to get married.” ~ flaky-burnt
“NTA.When visiting my in-laws for the first time, my M]other] I[n] L[aw] was sitting at the dining table, my F[ather] I[n] L[aw] was standing with his back to the counter where the sink was.”
“He told his wife to get him a glass of water!”
“While he was inches away from it!”
“She dutifully left the table to serve him water.”
“Later, I told my husband to NEVER pull that crap with me!”
“He never has and not because I warned him but because he’s a conscience individual!”
“Fortunately, they lived half way across the country from us.” ~ Rbuff187
“NTA, but the fact that your girlfriend expects you to sit there and be insulted is deeply concerning.”
“Especially if she’s doing it for the money.”
“Is there really a price tag on your dignity?”
“She’s not the one being abused by her father, you are.”
“And you’re the one who has the right to tell her that you won’t accept it.” ~ HardRainisFalling
“NTA not sure if you are aware of the irony here but:he is worried about you treating his daughter the way he is actually treating her.”
“Like he won’t allow her to marry you?!?”
“He takes away her car for disobedience?”
“He is treating her like he owns her.”
“You did absolutely nothing wrong by reacting the way you did I feel it was long time coming.” ~ Just_the_doctor1988
“NTA. Your girlfriend is lashing out because she’s feeling scared and like she lost out.”
“She’s been sheltered and privileged, so she lashed out because she felt her sense of comfort and privileges be threatened.”
“That is actually 100% normal and ok.”
“That is how everyone initially reacts, then hopefully reflects upon, learns, and grows from.”
“But that’s no reason for you to keep silently bear the abuse.”
“That’s a victim blaming mentality if that’s what she expects from you.”
“Give her time to figure things out, but as a heads up, if she doesn’t grow from this, that sheltered and privileged status instead becomes spoiled and entitled.”
“The father is, of course, just straight up just a bigoted a**hole though.” ~ Gaimcap
“However, some things are NOT mistakes; they are conscious decisions.”
“OP’s GF has made a conscious decision to berate OP.”
“If she were simply lashing out in a fit of immediate anger, she’d have let OP have it at the table.”
“Instead, she waited until they were home and her father had taken away her car and credit card.”
“That is not simply a mistake.”
“It’s a calculated decision to value the material things her father gave her more than OP’s feelings from having to put up with her egotistical, malicious, narcissistic jackanapes of a father’s insults for more than two years.”
“TWO. YEARS.”
“OP needs to think long and hard about whether this woman is worth any more of his time, love, and effort.” ~ AbbreviationsFar7867
“NTA, but I hate the phrase ‘owning your gf.'”
“You don’t own anyone. Your girlfriend needs to stand up for you more.”
“She may also need to decide whether having a credit card and car are worth more than your relationship.”
“To me it sounds like she doesn’t want to give up her lifestyle.”
“Are you going to be able to afford the lifestyle that she is currently accustomed to?”
“If not how do you think she is going to handle that now that you know that she feels keeping her dad’s money is so important that you should not be able to stand up for yourself.”
“She is going to have to choose between you and her father.”
“Unless their family can get him to come around.”
“But it seems he is a stubborn mule that is not going to change his mind and will continue to disrespect you and your relationship.” ~ MuchLoveWaffleGirl
You have quite the situation on your hands OP.
It’s sad that you have to endure this kind of behvior.
Maybe it’s time for you and your GF to get into some therapy to discuss these matters.
Money can make people accept some crappy things.