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Muslim Woman Called Homophobic For Refusing To Wear Bikini In Front Of SIL’s Gay Friends

a woman in a hijab looking out at the water with her back to camera.
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Redditor Comfortable_Clothed has broached the topic of her right to dress modestly.

The plot thickens when we learn she is a practicing Muslim and her need for modesty is because she’ll be around two gay men.

The Original Poster (OP) has no issue with the two men she’s to be spending time around but takes the modest clothing part of her religion very seriously.

This conundrum drove the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).

She asked:

“AITA for asking for a dress code exception and ruining my relationship with my SIL?”

She went on to explain.

“I [Female age 28] am a Muslim woman. I was not raised Muslim, but I converted during a difficult time in my life, and I honestly believe it saved me.”

“My husband [Male age 30] was there for me during this time, and has always understood my reasons and is very supportive despite being an atheist himself.”

“My husband’s sister [Female age 24] is getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid, which I am thrilled to do.”

“We have chosen a modest dress where I can wear with a hijab, and there are no qualms on that front.”

“The issue comes with her bachelorette party. She wants a Vegas-themed party, and all the girls must wear bikinis in coordinating colours.”

“Now, I wouldn’t mind this if I was just in the company of women, but I cannot show my body off in front of men…”

“…and two of the bridesmaids are my SIL’s gay best friends [Male age 24 and Male age 25).

“These two guys are lovely, and I have absolutely no issue with them, but I cannot wear a bikini in front of them.”

“I tried to compromise with my SIL and wear something modest but still in the colour scheme, but she says I am being homophobic and ruining the vibe of the party.”

“She said if I can’t wear a bikini, then I shouldn’t bother being a bridesmaid at all.”

“My husband said I need to do whatever makes me feel comfortable, but my MIL [Female age 62] is saying that I am driving a wedge in the family over nothing…”

“…and it isn’t like I have never worn a bikini before, and I can set aside my ‘ideas’ for one night.”

“She said that they don’t count as men under the Muslim definition because they are gay and won’t look at me ‘like that,’ and I am purposefully being difficult.”

“My SIL has followed through with uninviting me over this and said she’ll never be able to see me the same way again because of my selfish behaviour.”

“So, I come to the internet to ask if I am being an AH?”

The OP wanted to provided some clarity after getting questions from fellow Redditors.

“1. Will the men be wearing bikinis? No, they will be in Speedos.”

“2. Will the party be in a public place? No, the bridesmaids have rented a private house with a pool area.”

“As that is the case, I would have been happy to wear a bikini if a) there were only women in attendance, and b) I was not in any photos while wearing a bikini. I did discuss this with the bride.”

“3. Given the haram theme, how can you attend? I understand that drinking, gambling, etc are all haram practices.”

“While I do not partake in any of these myself, I cannot control what other people do, and I was not involved in deciding the theme.”

“I would have been happy to attend sober and not partake in haram activities, which the bride also knows about.”

“While I can understand this may make me seem like a spoilsport, the bride had no issue with this.”

“The bride’s only issue has consistently been that I am not wanting to wear a bikini despite the fact that her friends have no sexual interest in me.”

“4. How is this different from there being men around that I can’t marry (i.e. no need to cover myself)? I choose to veil and dress modestly because of my personal dedication to my religion.”

“I will not put that aside because of some loophole that says that because they are gay, we could not get married.”

“5. You are picking and choosing in your religion (not a question but a statement). Yes, I suppose that in some ways I am.”

“I am a woman living in a Western country, and I cannot live each day as if society around me were perfectly structured for my faith.”

“I cover, I eat halal, I pray, and a number of other things, but sometimes we are thrown into unexpected situations, and we need to adapt.”

“That doesn’t mean that I need to give up my faith, but I believe that Allah knows my intentions, and so long as I do my best to uphold the faith, then that is what I can do.”

“In this case, I can still be involved in the festivities while being dressed modestly.”

“6. How can you be married to an atheist? As I said in my post, I converted during a very difficult time in my life. At the same time, I was married to my husband.”

“I understand that it is a sin to be married to someone who does not share my faith, but this man has been someone who has been my rock and has stood by me through thick and thin.”

“While he may not be Muslim, he has a good heart, and we love and need each other.”

“There is much more at play here than a simple black and white, and I am not willing to either divorce him or force him to convert when he doesn’t want to…”

“…(which would be a horrible thing to do, and is also considered a sin).”

“As much as I appreciate him being understanding and considerate of my faith, I owe it to him to show his religion (or lack thereof) the same consideration and respect.”

“7. How can you be around these non-Muslim people and people who are committing sin (i.e. drinking, gambling, etc.)?”

“I would like to unequivocally say that I have no issue with what other people do with their lives as long as they aren’t hurting someone else.”

“I am not here to force my religion or beliefs on anyone else, and I can have friends who have different beliefs.”

“Please do not assume that I hate the other girls for choosing to dress immodestly, drink, and potentially gamble.”

“In the same strain, I do not hate the gay men for being who they are.”

“This post is not about me wanting to force others to change, this post is about me asking that I dress conservatively in line with my beliefs.”

“8. Are you radicalised?”

“I included this in my question and answer section more as a joke than anything, there are millions (if not billions) of Muslims around the world, and most of them are good, decent people.”

“While I can acknowledge that there are some dark aspects associated with my religion, I do not have anything to do with that…”

“…and we must remember that people can corrupt anything to align with their own agenda. Please stop sending me hateful messages.”

“I hope that answers everything! There are a lot of comments, and it is difficult to see everything.”

Redditors weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided: 

“Tbh I even think your religion is beside the point. You don’t want to wear a bikini. No matter the reason, you are NTA for saying no.”

“The idea that just because someone is getting married means they get to dictate every little detail is crazy to me.” – Icy_Chicken2240

“NTA. While it’s one thing to make your bridesmaids wear an ugly shade of green or something, it’s quite different to demand they violate their comfort zones to this degree.”

“It doesn’t make a difference to me if you don’t want to wear a bikini for religious reasons or body image reasons or… any reason. SIL is in the wrong for trying to force you to wear one.”

“Also this isn’t a homophobic issue. The guys being gay isn’t part of the problem at all.” – CanterCircles

“NTA – I’m appalled by religions that dictate what a women can wear. But this isn’t about me. Dressing modestly is important to you.”

“Your SIL is doing the same thing that your religion is doing by dictating your dress – BUT, her rules make you uncomfortable. Why would she want one of her guests to be uncomfortable?”

“You seem to be willing to find something that works and don’t seem to mind that everyone else will be in bikinis (are the men going to wear bikini tops, or does she make exceptions for them?)…”

“…so I just don’t see the big deal. You aren’t being selfish, she is.” – FormerRunnerAgain

“If you removed all the religious context from your post, this is just a woman bullying you into doing something with your body you aren’t comfortable doing.”

“You asked for an exception, which was fine. She said no to the exception, which is also fine. NTA. – Free_Thinker4ever

“It doesn’t matter why you don’t want to wear a bikini. If it makes you uncomfortable, you shouldn’t do it.”

“A wedding and bachelorette party should be about sharing happy moments with people you love. NTA.” – Timely_Proposal_1821

Religion or not, her body is her choice.

Written by B. Miller

B. is a creative multihyphenate who enjoys the power and versatility of the written word. She enjoys hiking, great food and drinks, traveling, and vulnerable conversation. Raised below the Mason Dixon, thriving above it. (she/her)