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Mom-To-Be Upset After Husband Asks To Name Daughter After Late Pet That His Ex Bought Him

Baby looking towards cat.

Naming a child can be a stressful part of the birth process.

So many parents struggle to get it just right.

Do you choose a name early, or do you wait to meet the baby and then decide?

It’s all such a process.

And it can lead to a lot of drama.

Case in point…

Redditor LongjumpingPie4438 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not wanting to name our baby after my husband’s dead pet?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“Throwaway because my husband knows my Reddit and frequents this sub.”

“Although I’m pretty sure he’ll be able to tell it’s me because this is a super unique experience, but I’m banking on him not seeing this.”

“My husband, Ethan (27 M[ale]), and I (27 F[emale]) got married a year ago.”

“We had been dating since we were 23 and got married last year.”

“We knew that we wanted to have a family and want multiple kids.”

“So, a few months after we got married, we started trying for our first baby.”

“I got pregnant, and I’m about 24 weeks along today!!”

“At my 20-week appointment, they asked if we wanted to know the gender.”

“We wanted to know so we could start planning names ahead of time.”

“Turns out, it’s a girl! I was overjoyed.”

“The next day, we started talking names, and Ethan said that he already knew the PERFECT name for a girl- Zoe.”

“Here is where the issue begins: Zoe is the name of my husband’s cat, who passed away when we first started dating.”

“Not only that, but the cat was a gift from an ex-girlfriend that they intended to take care of together.”

“When they broke up, they had ‘joint custody’ until she died.”

“I gently let him know that I don’t really want to name our daughter after his dead cat.”

“He told me to think about it- reasoning that it fit our criteria (short names, bully-proof, cute, unique so that nobody else in her class will have it, but not so unique that people won’t know how to pronounce it).”

“And he considered cat-Zoe like a daughter to him.”

“I jokingly responded, ‘So you want to name our baby after your kid from your last marriage?'”

“He didn’t laugh. Instead, he got defensive.”

“He said it wasn’t like that.”

“I said that I didn’t really like the idea of naming our daughter after something that he associated with his last relationship.”

“He started getting teary-eyed, presumably because he was thinking about his dead pet.”

“He then responded with, ‘Fine, it’s your baby. Name it whatever you want.'”

“Since then, I’ve been here and there suggesting names I see elsewhere, and every time, he responds with ‘I don’t care. Do what you want.'”

“I can’t help but feel like the AH; maybe I’m being too stubborn?”

“I do like the name Zoe, it’s just that I don’t think I’d be able to move past the history behind it.”

“You guys get bonus points if you suggest good baby names!!!”

The OP was left to wonder:


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“Naming a child after a deceased pet seems like something a 5-year-old would suggest.”

“Insisting on a name reminiscent of a past relationship is also inappropriate, unimaginative, and immature.”

“His refusal to engage or work with you to find a name that you both can love is concerning – like he’s saying you will name your daughter Zoe, or he will reject her always.”

“You need to have a serious conversation with him about his attitude. NTA.” ~ Diasies_inMyHair

“NTA. Make a list and give it time and space.”

“Genevieve Viv as a nickname.”

“Ava, Beatrice Bea for short, Cora, Darby, Enid.” ~ nospoonstoday715

“No judgment here– I think he needs to have some input into the child’s name (It’s his kid, too), but lordy, don’t make it about something out of the past, especially a dead cat.”

“I think the most popular girl name in 2023 has been Olivia.”

“Just don’t make it something the kid will get teased for.”

“Zoe isn’t such an unusual name, depending on where you live. I’ve heard that a lot.” ~ ptazdba

“NTA. He’s acting like a petulant child.”

“Use that ‘name the baby what you want’ pass and don’t feel guilty for it.”

“He’s just asking not to be included while he pouts.” ~ OopsMyBad5

“Zoe peaked as a trendy name in 2012, probably when he and the ex got the cat.”

“It’s still Top 40 in the US.”

“But he really should have either started making it clear he wanted to name his first daughter Zoe no matter what, starting when the cat was still alive, or he needs to live with the veto and move on.”

“Looks like option 2 is his only choice.”

“NTA, and I hope OP’s husband stops his tantrum soon.” ~ shelwood46


“‘Fine, it’s your baby. Name it whatever you want.'”

“This guy -judged by this post is a walking red flag anyway, but that line is so bad I’d consider rethinking the whole marriage and at the very least think about counseling/ couples therapy.”

“Does he only want a child to honor his cat?”

“And if he already acts like that over the name, I wouldn’t want to know how he acts when ‘the baby’ (suddenly it’s not ‘your daughter/she’ but ‘the baby/ it’) is born.”

“Little side note: no name is bully-proof.”  ~ Joubachi

“NTA. Tell him the rule for naming babies is simple.”

“2 Yes/1 No.”

“He wouldn’t want to have a kid named something he hated or associated with YOUR ex, so the same rules apply.”

“Short female names: Lucy, May/Mae, Lila, Lily, Leah/Lee, Ann/Anne, Jean, Eva, Eve, Lynn, Lana, Cora, Joey (always thought it was so cute for a girl name) Jodie, Emma.”

“Honestly, there are 1000000s of them, and if you guys are wanting more unique, look towards older (not necessarily Hazel or Ethel style) names because a lot of them went out of “fashion’ long ago.” ~ NeverEnoughSleep08

“NTA… but – his kid from his last marriage should be as important to him as any kid from your marriage and you shouldn’t have babies with a man who doesn’t feel that way.”

“If you don’t like the name, he should move on until you find a name that you both love.”

“If you are OK with the name except that you are worried about the ex-girlfriend, don’t be; it sounds like he loved his cat – another fine quality in a man.”

“I would only worry if he wants to name your kid after his ex or has given you other reasons to think that he is not over her.”

“Lastly, if you’re concerned about naming your child after a pet, look up where Bindi got her name.”

“I like Lily and Emma, but I don’t think they’re terribly unique at the moment.”

“I’m not sure that Zoe is either, though.”

“I have a very pretty, very unusual name.”

“Two men from my past have named their children variations of my name.”

“At no point did they contact me to tell me this or to pursue any sort of a relationship.”

“They just liked the name.”

“The bottom line is that both parents have to love the names they give to their children.”

“If he has given you no reason to suspect that he is still hung up on his ex, it would be nice if you could get past your aversion to Zoe.”

“If you can’t, you can’t and he should participate in selecting a different name.”

“Perhaps you will feel differently/more secure in the relationship when you have a second daughter, plus a grown man pouting is just unattractive.” ~ youjumpIjumpJac

“NTA as soon as you objected that should have been it, he shouldn’t be putting you in a stressful situation when you’re carrying his child.”

“It’s crazy he can’t see how inappropriate his suggestion is. Maybe you have an ex-M[other] I[n] L[aw]’s name you could suggest instead and see how he likes it?

“Also, even if you decided you could live with Zoe, imagine in 10 years’ time when your daughter asks how you came up with her name?”

“If he’s so keen on Z names, what about Zara or Zora instead?” ~ Penguinator53

OP came back with an Update…

“Thank you everyone for suggesting the name Chloe instead, that’s the name of my estranged sister who’s in jail hahaha so I’m gonna have to say no to that one!!!”

“And thank you all for your kind words and advice!”

“I talked it out with him.”

“I did what many of you told me to do and expressed to him how it made me feel- having our baby associated with something tied to his ex.”

“I even tried to meet him halfway by offering to get the baby a stuffie and name it Zoe.”

“He didn’t budge… UNTIL I brought up how our baby would feel about being named after a dead cat.”

“He kinda made a face and was like ‘…oh yea.'”

“He explained he forgot there was a third party involved in this and that we want our baby to love their name and their identity.”

“So, we finally decided on a name; Bronwyn Jane (insert last name).”

“Wynnie as a nickname until she outgrows it lol!”

“I’ve only ever known one other Bronwyn my whole life, and apparently, it’s a pretty popular name in Europe, but we both thought it sounded pretty.”

“Jane is both of our Mother’s names so we wanted to honor them too for our first baby.”

“Again, thank you so much for the awesome advice.”

“Hopefully, I never have to post in this sub again!!!!!”

Well, OP, Reddit is with you.

It sounds like you and the hubby have come to terms, which is great to hear.

Hopefully, Brownwyn will love her name.

Have a great pregnancy and birth.

Good luck.