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Fed-Up Redditor Sparks Drama After Using Nanny Cam Footage To Call Out Gaslighting Husband

A couple sit on a bench and look at a laptop
Jose Luis Agudo Gonzalez/GettyImages

Ask first and ask politely.

One of life’s first taught lessons when it comes to food.

Some people are ok with other’s touching their plate.

And others would attack their own family members over a stolen french fry.

Case in point…

Redditor Low_Environment567 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for checking our nanny cam footage to prove I was being lied to?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“This will sound ridiculous, but just stick it out.”

“Recently, my spouse, daughter (5), and I were having dinner together.”

“He took some food off her plate to try a bite, and she responded by shaking her finger and saying, ‘You need to ask!'”

“He said ‘I’m sorry, you’re right, I should ask,’ and then a few minutes later, reached over to my place setting and took some of my food without asking.”

“I didn’t think it was a great example for our daughter, considering it happened moments earlier, so I said ‘You didn’t ask. You just did the same thing to [daughter].'”

“He said, ‘I assumed you were done eating.’ and I said ‘You assumed. But just ask me.'”

“So he handed it back to me, said ‘Can I have some of your garlic bread?’ and I shared.”

“Very calm, normal exchange.”

“Because this was a non-issue and I was not upset at the situation, we tried to use it in marriage counseling as an example of how to communicate in certain situations.”

“Mainly, when I say something hurt me and my spouse wants to explain how he experienced the event instead of apologizing.”

“It became an issue when he only wanted to give HIS side of the food story in counseling.”

“Later that day, I asked him calmly again, if he would like to share his side to see if it changes my perspective.”

“I said ‘I can’t argue with your experience since we both agree on what happened.'”

“And to my surprise, he indicated we did not agree.”

“He told me he took the garlic bread from my plate because he ‘got it for both of us.'”

“I knew this was nonsense as I order from this restaurant frequently and know how much garlic bread comes with the dish.”

“I got insanely angry because we argue constantly about how things happen, so I stormed off.”

“Later, he came to me and said ‘I’m sorry, I thought the garlic bread was mine, and I was wrong.'”

“So by this point, I’d been told that he got garlic bread for us both and then that he thought the bread was his.”

“I felt crazy, as I usually do when these conversations happen with him, so I thought to check the nanny cam to see what really happened.”

“He handed me my food saying, ‘And there’s garlic bread on top for you’ and then later when I called him out for taking it from my plate, he didn’t say, ‘This bread is mine?’ or ‘I got this to share,’ he said ‘Okay. Can I have some of your garlic bread?'”

“I took these clips from our nanny cam and sent them to him, asking why he would lie about something so small and turn it into a massive thing.”

“He immediately got mad and said, ‘I can’t believe you would do something as ridiculous as checking the camera.”

“You’re so out of line’ and stormed off.

“So Reddit, am I the a**hole/out of line for using our nanny cam to call my spouse out for lying?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA but, as I’m sure you know, the issue isn’t the garlic bread.”  ~ 1568314

“Hopefully this is the final issue, though.”

“A Lad in university was getting abused by his girlfriend – she was a nasty, toxic, sneaky, downright evil bully – know why they broke up?”

“Half a cigarette.”

“Don’t know if this practice exists elsewhere, but in England, if two people kinda want a cig but not a full one, rather than both of you lighting a full one and wasting some each, one of you will ‘save twos.'”

“Smoke halfway to filter, pass to another person – or essentially blunt rotation 4 burns each till it’s done.”

“After months of her bullying him, they were on their way back to dorms, and she got out a cigarette, he said ‘save twos?'”

“She agreed, then either forgot or decided not to, smoked a full cigarette.”

“He started an argument, then just went ‘cold.'”

“He no longer cared about the outcome. He was just arguing to p*ss her off, he realized the relationship was dead way before the cigarette incident, and he didn’t even want it back anymore.”

“Sometimes the last straw is a really f**king stupid straw, but it’s better for it to be a stupid straw than it is to put it back and wait for a less stupid straw.” ~ atherheels

“You can choose to prioritize your relationship with your spouse over petty disagreements and you can choose to prioritize honest, vulnerable communication about the things that are actually bothering you, but it only works if they’re willing to do the same.”

“You can’t force somebody to change the way they communicate or to prioritize their relationship with you, and I know that that’s one of the most frustrating things in the entire world.”  ~ hikehikebaby

“You and your spouse have fallen into an unhealthy cycle.”

“When you’ve been fighting long enough, you’re always on guard for the next one.”

“You become hyper-aware, ready to call the other person out.”

“Your spouse is doing this as well.”

“In a way, it’s like you’re both walking around completely sunburned.”

“Say each little argument is a mild poke.”

“If you weren’t already sunburned, it would be an annoyance you could work through.”

“You are sunburned though, and that little poke feels excruciating, and you react to that level of pain.”

“All the built-up emotions from these fights are barely below the surface.”

“It can be easy to get wrapped up in the heat of an argument, and not realize the underlying why of it all.”

“Maybe you don’t feel heard, or that your opinion is disrespected, or that your emotional needs are being ignored. “

“In other words, you need to find the core issues and learn how to talk with each other about them if you want this to change.”

“I know, easier said than done. Insight isn’t the easiest, but it’s something a couples counselor could help you both with.”

“Once you understand the why, you need to know how to communicate effectively, which the counselor can also help with.”

“It takes work, but the end result is worth it, so long as both people are willing to put in the effort.”

“I hope I could help a tiny bit, and wish you the best.” ~ DragonCelica

“Most people’s bigger triggers are proving them wrong.”

“The more wrong they are, the angrier they get.”

“But if someone likes to twist a story and change the narrative, record them and show them is the best thing.”

“Maybe they will learn.”

“OP tell your husband that twisting and lying is bad. Seeking the truth is not. NTA.” ~ Yiabmfa

“People in heightened states of emotions often don’t remember the true series of events factually – that’s just how the brain works.”

“It adds its own interpretations to fill the gaps it couldn’t when it was too stimulated to retain anything.”

“My husband and I both started recording our arguments to prove our version of events because we both felt gaslit and we were always wrong about the situation when we looked back on it.”

“This is calculated and intentional gaslighting.” ~ Reddit

“For once an appropriate use of the term gaslighting on Reddit!”

“OP, your partner tried to gaslight you.”

“You called him out, and he got mad. NTA.”

“My husband and I recently got into a similar fight over Mother’s Day, but not this past Mother’s Day, no Mother’s Day from 2 years ago when I was pregnant with our daughter.”

“He kept insisting that he did something he did not actually do and that I was just criticizing him by correcting him and pointing out he did not in fact do it.”

“Words were exchanged. He got really angry that I wasn’t just falling in line with his version of events.”

“I was able to pull multiple forms of ‘receipts’ to prove my side… then he got mad that I was ‘keeping track’ and ‘being petty’ by locating said receipts.”

“But he was the one to push the issue and try to overwrite my recollection of events which happened to be the correct sequence of events.” ~ NervousOperation318

“NTA. You aren’t out of line.”

“You thought one thing happened – he said another thing did – so you went and verified and showed him, ‘Hey, actually, this is what happened.'”

“Instead of him going, ‘Huh, I guess you’re right, my bad.'”

“He got really angry and stormed off.”

“A completely normal and not over-the-top reaction to being shown you are wrong.”  ~ AmaltheaPrime

“NTA. He’s gaslighting you and it sounds like he does it regularly: ‘We argue constantly about how things happen,’ and ‘I felt crazy as I usually do when these conversations happen with him.'”

“You need to talk this incident through in therapy.”

“He’s gaslighting you.”

“Like classic, full-on gaslighting.” ~ eogreen

Well, OP, Reddit sounds like they’re with you.

But it also sounds like a lot more is happening besides garlic bread and nanny cams.

Continuing therapy sounds like a great idea.

Good luck.

And maybe order extra garlic bread from now on.