Finding a work life balance can be a difficult task, no matter what job you have.
One always wants to do their best at work, showing that you care about your job and are ready and willing to take on new responsibilities.
But sometimes commitments in your personal life will arise, which will require some time off from work.
Redditor Nannyneedabreak thought that by giving her boss enough notice, she had figured out a way to miss work in order to attend a very important commitment.
But she found herself in for an unpleasant surprise, when her boss suddenly threatened her with losing her job if she wasn’t at work for those days she’d requested off.
Having doubts as to whether or not she did the right thing, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for for saying no to my boss after she asked me to watch her kids this weekend?”
The OP shared that she loves her current job, and in order to ensure she would be able to attend a very important family gathering, gave plenty of notice to her boss regarding her unavailability.
“So my (22 F[emale]) sister is getting married this coming weekend and I will be gone Thursday-Sunday.”
“I’ve had this known that I was going to be gone for 7 months.”
“I would even remind every month or so just so I knew she knew.”
“I nanny two amazing kids who are 6 and 8.”
“This is the first time I have ever asked to have some time off.”
When the OP’s boss had a sudden change of heart, the OP stood firm in her intent to go to her sister’s wedding.
“My boss has always been like ‘Oh yeah sure! Sounds like a beautiful wedding’.”
“However I got a text 2 hours ago saying she really needed me this weekend and she couldn’t find anyone else.”
“I was pissed but I know how to act calm, since ya know it’s my job to stay happy and calm.”
“I texted her back a quick apology but said I really didn’t want to miss my sisters wedding as she’s my only sibling.”
But the OP’s boss likewise wouldn’t take no for an answer, even making a significant threat to the OP, in-spite of her continued efforts to remain diplomatic.
“Well boss woman went off the deep end and said that if I didn’t show up to watch her kids this weekend that I won’t have a job come Monday.”
“I replied with this exactly.
“______ I’m so sorry that you are having a hard time looking for someone to cover’.”
“‘I can reach out to a few nanny friends I have and see if any of them would like to pick it up’.”
“This is a once in a life time moment for my sister and if it means I will lose my job then sadly I will have to accept that’.”
“I love this job and your kids and I hope we can work something out’.”
“I think it would devastate _____ and _____’.”
“But you do what you need and I will accept that’.”
“She threw a few insults at me and said I’m abandoning her kids.”
“I don’t know what to do.”
“I don’t want to get a new job because I work so well with these two kiddos.”
“My mom told me I was an asshole for so quickly accepting that I might get fired and told me that work just sucks sometimes and you have to suck it up.”
“Mom says I should be an adult and just miss my sisters wedding.”
“I don’t know, should I?”
“Am I really that big of an AH for saying no?”
The OP later clarified that her mother’s opinion doesn’t hold much weight to her, as they’ve never been as close as she’s hoped.
“Just to clarify, me and my mom don’t have a good relationship.”
“I didn’t ask her for her advice.”
“She was in the room with my sister and I as I was venting to my sister.”
“I would have gone no contact at 18 if it wasn’t for my dad.”
“Can we please stop talking about it now I have a lot of trauma from her but that’s for another day lol.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believe the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP should by all accounts go to her sister’s wedding, and was not the a**hole for standing firm.
Just about everyone felt that the behavior of the OP’s boss was more than enough to suggest she should start looking for another job as soon as possible, with many horrified by how little regard she seemed to have for her own children.
“Start looking for a new job now, and when they ask when you can start, list it for the day you’re done with the wedding festivities.”
“This woman must have a lot of backup options for childcare if she can so casually threaten your job like that and talk to you in that way.”
“She must be used to getting her way to do such a 180 on you like that.”
“You can be the one to teach her this valuable lesson about valuing an employee nice enough to give extensive notice in advance when they won’t be able to be on the job.”
“After all, you gave her plenty of notice along with reminders, and the fact that she’s in the lurch now is because she didn’t respect you and your personal time enough to make plans for this time months ago.”
“While it’s true that you do sometimes have to suck it up as an adult, that time is not when you’ve given your employer more than a half a year’s notice that you’ll need this specific time off.”
“It’s very much being an adult to prioritize your sister’s wedding over a job that doesn’t value you enough to respect that you had arranged this time off months ago.”- jammy913.
“Your mom’s right.”
“Sometimes life sucks and you have to suck it up.”
“That is sound advice – for your boss.”
“Her weekend plans cannot trump her children.”
“If she can’t find coverage, she has to take care of them herself.”
“That sucks, but she has to suck it up.”- ndcollector.
“NTA if you give in on this she will not respect your time ever.”
“Do you really think she’s going to find a new nanny by Monday?”
“No chance, it’s an empty threat.”
“And if it’s not you don’t need to work for that kind of a monster.”- OutlandishnessNew259.
“You gave her plenty of notice and she agreed.”
“Don’t you dare skip your sister’s wedding because this woman couldn’t be bothered to arrange alternate care for her own children.”-pandalicious7.
“Your boss threatened to fire you for taking your first time off ever, with 7 months notice, to go to your sister’s wedding.”
“Read that again.”
“You need to look for a new job wedding or not, and I say that as an employer who has people ask for time off all the time.”
“It’s not just about missing your sister’s wedding.”
“It’s about setting boundaries now for how your boss is allowed to treat you in the future.”
“If you give in, she will keep making unreasonable requests whenever it suits her and ignoring your needs for as long as you work for her.”
“You asked for time off with plenty of advance notice, and she agreed.”
“If she won’t honor that, get out of there.”
“No one deserves to be insulted and threatened for holding such a reasonable boundary.”
“There are lots of amazing kids out there for you to work with.”
“I feel sorry for hers, but it’s not a good enough reason to sacrifice your quality of life in a toxic work environment.”- human61850.
“Go to your sisters wedding.”
“You can always get a new job or earn more money, this is a once in a lifetime event.”
“Also, GREAT response to your boss! “
“Very mature and professional.”
“It sounds like your boss was trying to play chicken with you and didn’t like you didn’t back down.”-DisneyViking.
“Of course NTA.”
“If she can’t find a babysitter for the weekend, how is she going to find a new nanny for Monday?”
“And if nannies are in short supply, you can get another job.”
“I can’t believe your mother would take her side.”
“You might like the children, but this mother is out of line.”
“Of course go to your sister’s wedding.”- Malibucat48.
“NTA, and I’m surprised that your mother is encouraging you to miss your sister’s wedding.”
“You had an agreement with your boss that you wouldn’t be available on those days so it’s up to her to come up with the solution, not you.”
“Also if this is the first time your boss has had an inconvenience with you and just went off the rails about it, it’s a red flag for me.”
“It gives me ‘I’m only happy when you do as I say’ vibes.”
“Go enjoy your sister’s wedding.”-Theololol.
It is pretty admirable that the OP never resorted to taking the low road, even when her boss threatened her with her job.
Indeed, should the OP’s boss live up to her threat, she might realize too late just how lucky she was to have the OP taking care of her children.