A woman had a bad feeling in her gut about the husband she has been with for five years.
Unable to ignore what she perceives as warning signs that could indicate her instincts are accurate, Redditor ThrowRA556345367 visited the Relationship Advice subReddit to see if her suspicions can be confirmed.
The Original Poster (OP) managed to articulate what must have been difficult for her to imagine.
“I feel so sick even asking this but I’m (45 fe[male]) worried my husband (35 m[ale]) is having sex with my son (19 m[ale]).”
“I’ve been with my husband for about 5 years now and him and my son never really got along. Basically my son didn’t trust him or like him from day one.”
“In the last year and a half they seem to have gotten past this issue, for a while I thought it was nice they were friends but now i’m worried they got close for a another reason. I’ve had some small thinks come up and a few large one that have I feel given me reason to worry.”
“1. My husband started hanging out with him, with out telling me it came up after he mentioned something I hadn’t told him about my son. When I said something about how did he know when I hadn’t told him yet he said ‘oh he was by the other day, must have forgot to tell you.’ Also found out in a similar fashion that they were hanging out at my sons place and getting lunch together.”
“2. He changed the passcode on his phone, and hasn’t told me he did or given me the knew one.”
“3. He’s always been weird about my son dating, for a while I thought it was just him looking out for him but it also seems possessive and it got worse when he got older.”
“4. When my son ran into issues with money cause of covid and needed to come home, I offered to pay his full rent instead so he could keep his apartment. My husband chimed in that it be better to save the money and know he’s home safe with us.”
“5. Our sex life has declined since he’s been home and I swear I catch him checking my son out, I’ve called him on it like the other day I told him its weird to be staring at his butt and my husband quickly pointed off to something and said I was being crazy he was looking at that.”
“6. This is my biggest reason and red flag, when we were having sex the other night I swear I heard him moan my sons name into the pillow. Which killed the mood but thankfully it was as he finished.”
“So ya am I over reading things here? I’m really torn on whether I want to just be crazy and over thinking this or to be right.”
Strangers on the internet weighed in with what they thought might be happening.
“I mean if it’s happening nobody would ever admit to it. I think you’d need to stoop as low as hidden voice recorders and sh*t to really find out.”
“On the other hand, most of these red flags could also be explained by them doing heroin together.” – TheBaddestPatsy
“Yeah I wouldn’t go as far as saying they are having sex together (who knows, maybe they do) but that they are doing something illegal together (specially since you have notice all the sudden change of behaviour) Doing drugs is also very plausible.” – AnneofDorne
“My son is gay and idk about my husband, i’ve found gay porn on his computer before.”
“It is possible your husband is bi and is living vicariously through your son. Not necessarily crushing on him…..I hope.”
“It’s possible he has fantasies about men but has never allowed himself to experiment. I really do hope nothing has crossed a line and what you are seeing is a man trying to come to terms with his bisexuality.” – jokenaround
“Why has no one come to the conclusion that her husband possibly has a crush on her son? It’s possible they aren’t doing anything and your husband is the one who is trying to make moves on him, considering op wrote in a comment that her husband watches gay porn.”
“I also noticed that you were more observant on your husband too, but I think you should also observe your son’s body language and see how he acts around your husband. That could possibly be more telling in this.”
“However, like others have said, there is not enough evidence to accuse your husband of this. Getting nanny cams and such would be a nice idea; and, if your son is sleeping with your husband, start filing for a divorce.”
“High chances are, your husband could’ve been grooming your son and may be predator.” – XI_YANGG
Getting a spycam was a popular suggestion that was also met with backlash.
You need to get some small camera set up in living room and bedroom. If they are having sex you will catch them. – 1SissyMan-Ad3388
“You need more evidence. Being wrong on this could f’k up both relationships but so could being right. You need to tread carefully here.”
“Might want to consider a spycam. I don’t think you have enough to make a conclusive opinion. It might be one sided that step-dad is into your son which is creepy af.” – heisenberg1215
“My god, spycams are such a serious violation of privacy. If people find spycams that their partners put in the house, we usually advise those people to leave.”
“OP will have to try a bit harder via other methods.” – SoManyTimesBefore
“I’d leave if I found secret spy cams in our apartment. And I would advise anyone else to do the same. And I believe this whole sub would be outraged if someone found secret cams at home.”
But now, almost all top comments are suggesting this. And it’s all based on very inconclusive evidence.” – SoManyTimesBefore
Redditor heisenberg1215 rescinded their previous spycam suggestion after reading the responses.
“After further consideration all those saying spycam is a violation are correct so I rescind my original recommendation.”
“Even trying to access the phone is a huge invasion of privacy. I agree need to find other ways but if you are already convinced of this hard to come back but need to find out other ways.”
“I really, really hope this isn’t real, but in case it is: You need to talk to your son.”
“One thing no one in this thread has mentioned is the possibility of grooming. Your husband is in a much more powerful position and is much older. It is very possible that your son is being abused.”
“He just became a legal adult, and you’ve been married for 5 years. If this is happening, then it’s very likely that your husband has manipulated your son into an abusive relationship.”
“Talk to your son.” – confirmandverify2442
“Don’t talk to the son until you’re absolutely certain this is happening because chances are either way the son will deny it and it will really hurt your relationship with your son and your husband. Find proof first.” – Lord_Aarsh
“Devil’s advocate here, but it may just be that they have genuinely gotten closer.”
“My mother remarried when I was 13 after my bio father left. I didn’t mind my step dad but we never really were close ( at least I didn’t think so ) until I had my first son at 20. Becoming a father myself, everything my step dad did when I was a teenager suddenly made sense to me and I realized how great of a man he is.”
“The sacrifices he made by taking in 3 kids that weren’t his. I truly came to love him as my dad. My kids all know him as grandpa. Even though he and my mother divorced two years ago out relationship hasn’t changed one bit. That man is my dad.”
“I don’t know how relevant this is to you, but It could be they’ve honestly just formed a close father/son relationship that looks strange to you because you haven’t seen it before.”
“Your husband’s behavior does seem odd but it might not be necessarily a result of your son being home. It’s entirely possible he is having an affair but not with who you’re thinking.” – killingyounglings90
After the OP insisted that this was a very different relationship from the one her son still has with his father who is still very much a presence in his life, the Redditor who commented above added:
“It is very possible though that they’ve formed their own father/son dynamic.. I mean you’re the one witnessing the stuff. Trust your gut.”
“The whole story just seems so out of left field that’s it’s hard to even try to believe. I hope for all three of you it’s nothing like you’re thinking. Sometimes that little seed of suspicion grows into a giant redwood and pretty soon you’re seeing and hearing things that couldn’t be further from the truth.”
“Stop watering the seed or yank it out by its roots. If you confront either one of them and tell them you KNOW for a fact and they can’t deny it, they’ll either confess, or think you’ve gone off the deep end. It’s up to you what to do with that afterwards.”
The responses in the thread consistently went back to this:
“Set up cameras in the living room. maybe pretend you’ll be gone the whole day then surprise them.”
“Look at the cameras thru your phone when you’re gone. To hell with privacy.” – PixieGoddess977
In edit, the OP declared how she planned to move forward.
“I’ll be running to pick up a camera in a bit, it’s around 4 am here but I can’t sleep. I’ll have it tucked away and ready hopefully before they get up. Usually i’m out the door for work before either of them wakes up.”
There has been no further updating from the OP about any results validating her suspicion.