When one is giving birth, there is A LOT to think about.
Giving birth is an arduous and dramatic experience.
So the less stress the best.
But sometimes, issues arise.
Even in labor and delivery…
Case in point…
Redditor Throwaway9757657 to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not letting my MIL be the 1st person to hold my baby?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“When I F[emale] 26 met my husband’s M[ale] 34 mom I hoped for a healthy mother figure type relationship.”
“She’s okayish.”
“But she can be a little controlling given that my husband is her only child; she tends to act super protective of him.”
“When I got pregnant, M[other] I[n] L[aw] made a request to be the first person to hold my son after he’s born.”
“She wanted to be in the delivery room with me but I refused to let her.”
“My husband said he’d keep her out of the room under the condition that she be the 1st person to hold the baby.”
“I didn’t agree but didn’t disagree as well. Just stayed silent.”
“The baby was born days ago.”
“All my husband was worried about was having his mom be the 1st to meet the baby.”
“But she was out of town attending a friend’s daughter’s wedding.”
“He said she wouldn’t be back until 2 days later.”
“Mom and sister already came to help and they held my son as they were helping me after my husband went back to work.”
“I had no to help and they were my go to.”
“MIL and my husband knew.”
“They both went off and started throwing a fit saying that I betrayed her, and that I made a promised then broke it.”
“My husband tried to get her to calm down after she came home lashing out, but she scolded us both then walked out.”
“He blew up at me saying I screwed up and violated the agreement we had.”
“I said that my mom and sister were HELPING me out, and held the baby so what?”
“He got more pissed and claimed I had no respect for his mom and her wishes and told me that I hurt her feelings and ruined her grandbaby’s birth memory.”
“I couldn’t keep arguing.”
“He called me unbelievably selfish and demanded I fix my mistake but I wasn’t sure what he meant by that.”
“Like redo the baby’s birth and have his mom be the first to hold him?”
“He didn’t like my sarcasm and said that what I did was sneaky and cold hearted.”
“He said he should’ve let his mom in the delivery room otherwise none of this would’ve happened.”
“They’re both are still salty about it and are sulking hard.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Wouldn’t the first person to hold the baby always be YOU, THE MOM?!”
“Your MIL and your husband are both a**holes. NTA.” ~ puppyfarts99
“Usually the ob is the first person to hold the baby, then the delivery nurse.”
“When my kids were born, the nurse gave the kid to me after getting cleaned up, measured, etc.”
“And then I gave them to my wife.” ~ evelbug
“I don’t think the nightmare scenarios and common experiences with giving birth are talked about enough.”
“Uncontrollable shaking. That’s why they strap your arms for a c-section.”
“I couldn’t have held my babies before being put back together if I wanted to.”
“Doc to nurse, wipe > nurse to dad> dad held the baby face to mine while I was being sewn up and full on shaking.”
“I was told it was ‘normal.'”
“NTA to OP.”
“Sorry the birth of your grandchild was during your vacation.”
“I needed help and it’s unreasonable to think you’d be first if you weren’t even in town! Do you hear yourself?” ~ Strong_Lurking_Game
“So, OP is with someone almost ten years older than her and is surprised that he’s a pile of red flags.”
“OP, the reason he went after you was because he was hoping you didn’t have enough experience to run, and it seems he was right.”
“I think it’s time to go home with your mom and sister and RUN from this man, finally.”
“But don’t worry, his mommy will be there to make him feel better.” ~ crystallz2000
“And the way he made MIL being first to hold baby “a condition” of keeping MIL out of the delivery room.”
“Who gets to come in the delivery room is not a negotiation by any means.”
“There should not be conditions placed on agreeing to keep someone out.”
“The woman who has her bits on full display gets 100% say in who comes in the room – no conditions allowed. WTF.” ~ Hotpinksharpie
“It took me awhile to catch up on why every AITA post results in people telling each OP who’s NTA to run.”
“Finally realised it’s because anyone posting about their relationship on AITA already knows they’re dealing with a garbage fire but needs the extra support to confirm that it is time to exit.”
“Oh, and NTA, OP.”
“Were you supposed to tackle anyone who wanted to touch your baby until MIL finally returned?” ~ SnooGuavas1093
“Also there are SO many red flags here.”
“The MIL wouldn’t be back for 2 days.”
“So she just assumed no one would hold your baby for two days just because she DEMANDED to be the 1st to hold your baby.”
“What is so important about being the 1st to hold the baby?”
“You’re not even the 1st- you have mom and the nurses and also who cares?”
“Literally the only reason she wants to be the 1st is so she can say she was the 1st.”
“It’s not about the baby it’s about her ego.”
“Your husband didn’t even take more than a day off when you gave birth?!”
“I know not every place has paternity leave but use sick leave or time off or something.”
“How does your wife give birth to your child and you just be like ‘Kay good luck with this- see you tonight about 5:30. be sure to have dinner on the table I’m sure I’ll be hungry.'”
“That last line is supposed to be sarcastic but I feel like this could so easily be true with a dud.”
“Like this is suppose to be dude but that actually fits better. lol.”
“They’re mad that you allowed the only people actually around helping you after you pushed an entire human out of your body to actually hold the baby?”
“What were they supposed to do, change the baby telekinetically?”
“He is yelling at his wife mere days after she gave birth to his child because she didn’t hold to his moms demand she gets to hold the baby 1st.”
“Damn… sorry but wish you a lot of luck here cause you’re gonna need all the luck you can get here.”
“Congratulations on the new little one.”
“And I’m sure the baby is worth having to deal with these people up to this point but I’m really hoping you look at this relationship and see it for what it really is.”
“This women is pisses that YOU allowed someone else to hold YOUR baby 1st.”
“Her son is throwing a temper tantrum because you upset his mommy by allowing the people helping you to actually help you.”
“NTA… but really look at how these two are acting.”
“This is not healthy.” ~ acegirl1985
“What?? So nobody was supposed to touch the child for two days until MIL returned??”
“I..I..I.. just can’t.”
‘I mean, how was the child supposed to be conveyed from one place to another?”
“By tongs and a series of pneumatic tubes? NTA.”
“If the first holding was so important to her she shouldn’t have gone to the friend’s daughter’s wedding.”
“BUT – you should not have stayed silent when your husband presented his deal.”
“It gave the appearance of consent. You were just saved by MIL’s absence.” ~ Downtown_Evidence_46
“Exactly! OP totally NTA.”
“But consider this: you just had a baby.”
“After 9 grueling months of pregnancy.”
‘Right now is the time for you to be comfortable and supported so you can be stress free.”
“Babies absorb stress very easily, especially if you’re breastfeeding.”
“And instead of being comforted and having home life be made comfortable for you, your husband is arguing with you.”
“Stressing you out. Making unreasonable demands.”
“Putting his mother’s feelings over yours.”
“Just think about that for a minute.” ~ Dulcette
“NTA. It seems like your husband and his mom are under the impression that they have a choice in any of this.”
“This is what we like to call, wrong.” ~ KrosseStarwind
“NTA. Set boundaries now.”
“This will only get worse.” ~ Useful-Cauliflower-2
Well OP, Reddit is here for you.
That is a lot to digest.
You had a baby.
You get to decide what happens after.
Everyone else besides you and dad, need to have a deep discussion.
Congrats and good luck.