It’s true that some relationships do not work out, but sometimes they don’t last for the most ridiculous reasons.
Accusing your spouse of cheating because your newborn baby doesn’t look exactly like you is definitely one of them, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor gingernutbiscuitss had been shocked when her husband made such a scene about their newborn baby’s appearance, her husband had been thrown out of the hospital, and she made the decision to separate.
But when her mother-in-law and pastor forced their way into her home, urging her to reconsider ending the marriage, the Original Poster (OP) began to wonder what exactly she had married into.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for calling the police on my STB (Soon-To-Be) ex-MIL (ex-Mother-in-Law)?”
The OP was robbed of one of the happiest days of her life: the birth of her child.
“I (27 Female) split from my STB ex-husband (27 Male) three months ago on the day our son was born.”
“This is because I am ginger, my husband is blonde, but our baby came out with dark hair. He freaked out in the delivery room, and his behavior got him kicked out of the hospital.”
“I had to beg him to do a paternity test, and he finally agreed after a month, and it proved that I didn’t cheat.”
“We had been together since we were 13, so I was devastated, and all I wanted was him back, but I’ve come to my senses and decided that someone who believes that school-level punnet squares are the be-all and end-all of biological inheritance is not the type of person I wanna be with.”
“I was also treated like crap by everyone but my older brother, Alex, while we were waiting for the results because they all thought I had cheated.”
“It was a horrible experience, and as a result, I’ve lost many friends and family members.”
The OP’s ex changed his tune after the paternity test results came in.
“Since the results came back, my ex has been begging me to get back with him.”
“I moved in with Alex after we split, and he comes almost every day to beg me to get back with him.”
“My in-laws have also been harassing me too, especially my MIL, who has come over four times in the past week, asking me to forgive her son and to ‘let God back into my heart.'”
“I used to be a Christian, and so are all my in-laws and my family, but how I was treated when my baby was born made me lose faith fast.”
“The whole church community treated me like trash during this whole ordeal, and it made me want nothing to do with them anymore, and I don’t want to raise my son in that sort of community.”
Then the OP’s MIL and pastor pushed a literal boundary by trespassing.
“Yesterday, my MIL turned up at Alex’s when he wasn’t here, and she had the pastor from the church I used to attend with them.”
“They practically forced their way in, and I was being berated like a child for not forgiving my ex’s ‘lapse in judgment.'”
“The pastor basically sat there and said I would be going to hell if I didn’t take my ex back.”
“I excused myself to use the bathroom and called the police. Pastor and MIL were escorted out.”
This, unfortunately, made the situation worse.
“Now, I’m being harassed on social media and being called and texted by literally everyone that knows both me and my ex and his family.”
“They’re calling me the AH for going nuclear and calling the police on two people who weren’t being threatening and they’re demanding that I apologize immediately.”
“I’m starting to feel bad now because I know they care in their own twisted way, and I shouldn’t have gone nuclear on them.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP did the right thing to take care of herself.
“NTA. I was watching ‘7th Heaven’ last night, and Annie is sitting with ‘Julie,’ whose husband ‘isn’t so nice’ for rules of subreddit sake. When she brings up the argument of ‘I made a vow to God; I can’t divorce him,’ Annie has a rebuttal.”
“Now. I am going to paraphrase this based on my own beliefs, so bear with me.”
“When you made those vows before your god and the universe, your god wasn’t the only one watching. You made a vow before the universe to love and cherish him. But he made vows, too, and one of those is to trust you as he trusts God.”
“Would he ever accuse God of cheating or of being unfaithful to anyone? No. He wouldn’t.”
“Now. I don’t know how Christianity feels about contracts, but my religious path deals heavily with them. And in my faith, if the person doesn’t uphold their end, then they are the one breaking the contract.”
“He didn’t protect you. He didn’t keep you safe!! He made you feel worthless and betrayed. He didn’t do any of the things that he vowed to do, so you shouldn’t be held to the terms of that contract… I mean marriage… You have with him In the eyes of any good and kind Lord.”
“They practically forced their way in, which means that you were being held hostage in your own home. And that is definitely something that you need to defend yourself from. Any one of us would have called the police in that position.” – CassandraArianaBlack
“As a former Christian with a master’s degree in the subject, Jesus didn’t have much to say about divorce because he was convinced that the world was about to end.”
“However, Christians who pay attention to the entire Bible-and, not just the Jesus parts-can flip back to the early prophets, where God very vocally breaks his contract with the people of Israel because they didn’t hold up their own end. What I mean to say is that it’s very Godly to end a contract (such as a marriage) that the other party has already broken.”
“OP, did your STBex pledge to love, honor, and obey? He broke that promise the minute he 1) accused you of infidelity, 2) threw a public tantrum, and 3) spread his unproven accusations to the world instead of keeping them to himself.”
“Please tell your Bible-beating ex-friends (right before you delete all your social media accounts) that your ex broke the covenant when he publicly dishonored you. He ended the marriage, not you.” – paingry
“He also freaked out so bad when the baby was born that he was removed. How traumatizing is that?!? In such a vulnerable moment. Then it dragged on until she was able to convince him to take the DNA test. Surprised he didn’t refuse, and she and baby would still be in limbo.”
“Has he even bonded with a baby? Doubt it, and at this point, I wouldn’t blame her if she didn’t want him to.” – BinjaNinja1
“NTA. There’s no hate like Christian love. The sooner you get away from this circus, the better.”
“Don’t apologize, don’t look back. They are not worth your time. you did nothing wrong at all whatsoever, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” – AdmirableAvocado
“Where was the God in her and the church’s hearts? Guilty and punished until proven innocent. Now, they still blame YOU for THEIR behavior because your child had dark hair. Morons don’t even understand recessive genes.”
“You were emotionally burned at the stake before the results came in. And they are shocked, just SHOCKED, that you aren’t running back to them with open arms because they forgive you for making them believe you cheated. Churches like this should be destroyed. NTA.” – babcock27
Others gave advice on how to proceed with her divorce.
“Seriously, get a restraining order; with what you’ve described, you’ll definitely be given one, and you deserve it. They are harassing you daily and show up at your home to badger you. That is illegal.” – InfectedAlloy88
“Get a divorce and restraining order. Send restraining orders will also significantly help with flying monkeys because restraining orders include other people contacting you and harassing you on that person’s behalf. so anything he does to ask or encourage other people to harass you into giving you a second chance? That gets held against him.”
“His mother has harassed you persistently enough that you may want to get a restraining order for her separately, though ordinarily should be included under his.” – hwutTF
“Good, you should get a divorce. This whole thing is about one thing: Appearances, which worked great to their advantage, until…”
“The DNA test came back, and then it became about damage control to a narrative up till that moment everyone around you had full control of.”
“That’s what that little ‘visit’ was about, trying to save face and make it all go away to keep that appearance of ‘everything is fine,’ while accepting none of the blame, nor truly apologizing ‘from the heart.'”
“They just want this to go away, cause every single one of them realized just how bad they F’d up, but won’t admit it.” – Blades137
“Make sure to document EVERYTHING he and his family have been doing to you. It should all go before the court. It’ll make a difference in what they give you as a parenting plan. Filing for an order of protection against all of them (the ex, the mother, and the pastor) would be wise as well.”
“And if they try to show up and berate you again, take out your phone and videotape everything they say or do. Very visibly. If they know that videotape will go in front of the court, they may change their minds about what they were planning to say.” – VoyagerVII
“NTA. The sooner you’re legally untangled from that family, the better.” – CrystalQueen3000
The subReddit applauded the OP for advocating for herself by separating from her husband, filing for divorce, and even calling the police, because it was clear no one else was going to advocate for her.
If anything, the subReddit encouraged her to continue to push for herself during the divorce process, particularly in the sense of documenting anything she didn’t want to happen to her again.
No matter how she decides to proceed with her ex, that is one lucky baby to have such a strong mom in their corner. We wish them both well as they sort out this situation.