We all have our interests and our passions, and we have every right to enjoy them and pursue them.
But sometimes, one of us will take our passions too far, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Queen_of_Wands19 was tired of her sister’s constant desire for Disney-themed items in her home, even when it came to the gifts given to her 5-year-old daughter.
But when she was called out by her family for giving a gift that wasn’t in the right theme, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she was wrong to not be more supportive of her sister.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for refusing to give in to a Disney Adult?”
The OP got her niece a gift she really wanted for her birthday.
“My niece just turned 5 and we got her a MagicMixie.”
“My sister, ‘Elsa,’ has a strict ‘Disney Toy Only’ policy and literally gives us lists of acceptable Disney-only toys, but that’s not what my niece wanted.”
“She’s been obsessed with getting a MagicMixie since her friend got one.”
“My BIL (Brother-in-Law) doesn’t care and gets her other stuff all the time.”
“I texted him and he said it was okay to not stick to the list, since the grandparents got her stuff that wasn’t Disney-related.”
“He also said he wants Niece to branch out more and to ignore the list.”
The OP’s sister was dedicated to Disney.
“‘Elsa’ is a Disney Adult. Everything has to be Disney-related.”
“Before my niece was born, Elsa sent out a Facebook post and a family-wide email that anything without a Disney character on it, toys, clothes, bedding, furniture, anything, would get thrown out.”
“Not donated, thrown out.”
“We’ve never actually sent my niece a gift at all because we knew Elsa would throw it away.”
“Disney is her aesthetic and she’ll throw things away in front of the people who gift them to her if they’re not plastered with cartoon characters.”
The OP’s gift caused problems at her niece’s birthday party.
“At her birthday party, my niece opened the MagicMixie and went bananas.”
“Elsa didn’t say anything other than a neutral ‘how cute’ and then moved on to something else.”
“After the party was over, Elsa went apes**t and said it’s my fault she has to throw her kid’s toy away.”
“Apparently, she and my BIL got into a big fight when she tried to throw it out during the party.”
“She also tried to give it to several of the parents at the party.”
“The moms from her mom group called her insensitive that she’d try to get rid of a toy her kid was so excited about and asked if she was going to do that with their gifts.”
“My mom called me later and said I was a huge AH for not sticking to what Elsa wanted and ‘making her anxious about the presents.'”
“I guess after the party, her mom group friends got p**sed at her when they found out she throws gifts away, so she and niece are uninvited from a lot of spring activities.”
“AITA for not giving in to a Disney Adult and getting the kid the toy they actually wanted?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some thought the OP did nothing wrong by offering her niece something she wanted.
“While I usually side with the parent here you are NTA. You got your niece a gift she wanted? How dare you! Lol (laughing out loud).”
“Seriously the dad is not on board with moms Disney only policy and as they’re both parents, you’re good.”
“I also love Disney but who the heck throws out perfectly good toys? Donate them at least.” – HPNerd44
“NTA. Maybe being uninvited to things will teach her a thing or two about being a psychotic fangirl to the point she throws perfectly good toys away that her child wants.” – davidedpg10
“NTA. You asked dad, he was ok with it. And the kid really liked it.”
“Mom does not ‘have to’ throw it away at all. She could have let her keep it. She is the one creating the problem here.”
“Children have their own preferences, they should be allowed to get toys THEY want. I hope her mom will come to terms with the reality that children are individuals with their own preferences. And they do not at all have to be what their parents prefer.”
“Please never give in to this demand of hers, the kid needs other people that will provide her with more than just Disney, only Disney is soooo limited (she will miss out on so much if her play is limited to ‘princesses only’).”
“Her mom is TA for demanding something she likes herself and for limiting her daughter’s development this way. And for hurting her by throwing away her toy. Mom has no right to do so either, she does not own the toy!” – FoldingFan1
“That ‘you made me do this/you made me have to throw this away’ framing is so concerning. It takes the situation out of the realm of annoying immaturity into something much darker.” – TomTheLad79
“‘Because of you, I have to do this’ is classic narcissistic behavior too. Making someone responsible for their actions and then shifting the blame when people get hurt.”
“Not to mention she’s using the kid to gain access to her own obsession (my kid can only play with this because I like it). NTA” – Sweedybut
Others were worried about what would happen if the niece didn’t like the same things.
“Disney Adults frighten me and I go to Disney twice a year for their running weekends.”
“I like Disney and can give a good talk on the best movie (Lilo and Stitch) and best princess (Rapunzel) but I realize it’s inherently meant to be fun/silly.”
“How does this woman not realize her kid is gonna get annoyed by the Disney smothering!?!” – ILoveCavorting
“How much do you want to bet that the daughter will HATE anything Disney because her mom traumatized her by throwing out the toys she really wanted? What is wrong with people?!” – NeemaMlozi
“I too am a ‘Disney adult.’ I love Disney — I have so many Disney plushies it’s not even funny.”
“But I am also a Pokemon Adult, and a Digimon Adult, and a My Little Pony Adult. You’re allowed to love lots of things!! You do not need to cut yourself, or your kid off from liking other things.”
“This isn’t even mentioning the other things I enjoy from other fandoms (that may be less targeted to kids).”
“Why limit yourself to just one thing???”
“Also, I just googled what a MagicMixie is, and oh my god, I cannot believe mom wanted to throw this out. It’s so f**king cute, I’d legit buy myself one.” – Psycheko
“I was a Disney adult for a little while (though I didn’t really have the money to show it), but I never ever ever would’ve forced my interests on a little kid like this.”
“That kid is going to grow up hating Disney.”
“It’s going to be hysterical (though also kind of heartbreaking, considering the rift this will cause with her ridiculous mother). Like, does this woman understand it’s not her childhood?” – rogue144
“Your sister needs help. She is unreasonable and wasteful.”
“Why does she get to choose what her daughter likes? As a parent, she should encourage her daughter to branch out.”
“She is a Disney snob and is projecting her opinion on her own daughter.”
“What is even more disgusting is the fact that your niece was looking forward to this specific birthday present, and your sister was determined to throw it out immediately.”
“Her daughter is going to grow up stifled, and it is important to raise kids with a sense of self-autonomy.” – Nyankitty666
A few were concerned about the overall dynamics of the family.
“BIL should think about letting Elsa go. It’s going to get ugly when his daughter becomes more emotionally mature than her mom. Which should be pretty soon, actually.” – oldcreaker
“Sister isn’t a ‘Disney adult’ – she’s mentally unwell. Even if there weren’t a kid involved, therapy would be necessary.”
“But she is going to seriously damage her child with this obsession. It’s making her treat her daughter as an object and extension of her, totally forbidden to be an actual person with likes and dislikes.” – femmemalin
“That’s not an excuse. I can’t imagine a grandmother actually being okay with her daughter treating her granddaughter that way. The granddaughter is the one that is suffering.”
“My Granny would have gone off on my mother if she tried to pull that s**t.” – Popular_Bumblebee255
While the subReddit could get behind having a passion, they were in agreement that the sister’s love for Disney had gone much too far.
It was impacting her daughter’s life, but it was also impacting their ability to interact with other people, since they had been uninvited to future events based on this birthday party behavior.
Problematic behaviors are often defined by how it impedes on someone’s life and also other issues it causes, like isolation. It’s clear that more needs to be done here than saving birthday presents from a trash can.