Wasting food is a big problem.
Most of the time, this happens innocently, as people's eyes are simply bigger than their stomachs.
When some people have this habit, others can prevent food waste.
As with any intervention, however, these don't always go over terribly well.
The niece of Redditor Gold_Possibility7728 had a niece who had a habit of ordering more food than she usually ate.
On a recent night out with their niece, the original poster (OP) thought they'd found the perfect solution to this problem.
Unfortunately, the OP's sister, their niece's mother, was anything but happy with their actions.
Having some doubts about their decisions, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not buying my niece food when we went out cause she always wastes it?"
The OP explained why their sister was furious with them after taking their niece out for a meal:
"I picked up my niece with my two boys after school, and sometimes we go out to get some food."
"My niece always orders food she never eats, and ends up asking for some of what is get."
"She is 6, my youngest is 5, and my oldest is 9."
"This time around I told her that the two of us were going to share cause she all she ever does is pick at the food and does not eat it."
"She threw a fit, but I did not budge."
"We had our food, kept offering to share what I got. I told her that even if I ordered her food, she always just ends up wanting to get it even if I order her the same exact dish; she claims it is different."
"Yes, I have tried to order us the same dish, but she plays around with her food, takes a few bites, and then says it is not the same, then asks for some of mine."
"She eats it right up."
"I Just did not feel like going through all of that or eating her food after she picked around it for 10 min."
"So we all eat and she refused to eat."
"She told my sister I refused to feed her, and let her go without food."
"I explained to my sister that was not how it went down."
"I explained the situation and she does the same to my sister I thought she would understand."
"My sister lost it, said I should have spent the money on her own plate, let her do what she does, then let her have some of mine."
"I told her that was a waste of money, and is silly."
"My sister then told me, why go out to eat? I told her cause my kids asked, and I also had not eaten much that day cause I worked a double and was extremely busy."
"My sister told me, 'Next time, don't go out to eat if I refuse to feed her daughter."
"I once again told her I did not refuse to feed her; I just said we could share since that is what we always end up doing."
"My sister told me she has tried that; it does not work."
"She needs her own plate first and needs to realize she does not want her own plate, then will ask for some food from the person she feels closest with."
"She claims I have ruined that bond, and I also risk giving her a poor relationship with food."
"I am torn on if I was an a**hole or not. I know my niece does this, and maybe it was wrong of me to try and change it, especially because this is the norm for her."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for making her niece share her food with her.
Everyone agreed that the OP was being practical and economical, and that their sister could learn a thing or two from them:
"NTA."
"You haven't denied her access to food; you've established boundaries."
"If your sister wants to throw her money down the toilet, that's her choice."
"If she doesn't agree with you, she can drive her own child."- rasalscan
"NTA."
"Your sister is coddling her daughter beyond reason."- Jusbuster
"NTA."
"She already has a poor relationship with food."
"Her mom needs to handle that."
"Also you are doing her a solid by picking up your niece."
"She should be grateful for that, not telling you what to do."
"If she wants her daughter to have her own plate, she can give you the money for it up front so you’re not wasting your own."-Prestigious_Sail1668
"NTA."
"Next time, order her food and refuse to share yours."
"I only share with my kids and wife, nobody else."- DapperSmoke5
"NTA, but the compromise in this situation is that your sister pays for her kids' meal and half of yours."- hotdish420
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment and clarifying some things about her family dynamic:
"I appreciate all the responses and feedback."
"Before I give the update, I want to clarify a few things I noticed."
"I agree I have also enabled this behavior by playing along with it for so long."
"Thing is I finally saw how silly it was to get her a plate of her own food just for her to play with it."
"I pick up and watch her until my sister gets home cause her husband is literally useless, and the school our kids go to do not play when it comes to pick up."
"It is five bucks per every minute a parent is late."
"They do have aftercare but only until 5:30."
"My sister gets out of work at 7:30."
"I was doing this as a favor, and it was not really an inconvenience because I was already picking up my kids."
"For those who asked why I did not just get her nuggets or something, because she does not eat things like that."
"We were eating at a restaurant we frequent."
"I order our usual we always share, and I did explain to her beforehand that I was not going to order her a plate solely to play with, and since last time she played with her food and did not eat it, her and I were just going to share like we eventually end up doing."
"I also put the food aside from the start; I just did not let her have it until she said she was not going to play with it."
"Yes, maybe she may have some food issues; it does seem like a ritual-like thing for her."
"She does this at home also and family gatherings."
"I guess I finally had a enough, my son who is 5 does not play with his food, she is older and does which is weird."
"I knew she was hungry because she does not eat lunch at school, she eats snacks but actual food no."
"She only eats what someone she is close with eats, and will only eat together with them."
"My sister refuses to get her evaluated for anything cause she does not want to put labels on her child."
"I don't drop her off at home because no one is home to watch her, and it would he a solid five hours before her mom gets home."
"All that aside, I told my sister last time that she has until the end of this month to make new arrangements."
'I told her I don't appreciate her actually believing my niece that I refused to feed her."
"That was not the case, and on top of that she expected me to cater to her wasteful behavior without any actual compensation."
"Even with compensation, it is ridiculous to waste food like that."
'My sister got upset and told me I was being unfair."
"I told her that she and her husband will have to figure something out."
"She called our mom to complain; my mom said I was being unreasonable and should just watch my niece and accept her quirks."
"Told mom she could do it, and left it at that."
"For the record, our mom won't cause she also finds this behavior weird, and it's part of the reason why she stopped babysitting."
If the OP had simply refused to give their niece any food, the OP's sister would have every right to be furious.
The fact that she got this angry over the OP trying to think practically is alarming, to say the least.
When the OP's sister sees her daughter's behavior remain stagnant as she grows up, she may wish she had thought as practically as the OP did much earlier.
Expectant Dad Of Two Livid After Brother Questions Why He'd Bring Another Kid Into Bleak World
It's no secret that a lot of people are struggling right now, from the cost of living to job insecurity to food insecurity to poor housing. But that doesn't mean we have to stop living.
For many people, that means still starting and growing their families, while planning how to navigate the world we're currently in, pointed out the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor DesignerOwn1141 and his wife knew that the world around them wasn't at its best right now, but they were eager to grow their family and were excited to bring a third child into the world.
When they announced their pregnancy, his brother's first reaction was to send him articles about how the world was doomed and shame him for bringing a child into it; the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he needed to block his own brother.
He asked the sub:
The OP and his wife were excited to welcome a third child into their family.
"I am 33 and male. My wife is 29."
"We have two sons, a six-year-old boy and a three-year-old boy. Both are happy, healthy, and well taken care of."
"We love being parents to them, and I work very hard to provide a good life for my family."
"My wife is four months pregnant with our third."
The OP's brother's life was very different from his.
"My younger brother has been something of a failure-to-launch case."
"Despite having every advantage, he never got good grades in school, was addicted to 'League of Legends' so severely that he barely scraped by, and spends his days streaming games to nearly no viewers on Twitch."
"I've watched his stream a few times, but he just rages constantly."
"My wife is too classy to ever say so, but I can tell he makes her uncomfortable."
"He's my brother, so I've long wanted to believe he's just bad at communicating with people, but to be frank, he's sort of just an a**hole. He's unapologetic whenever he says something hurtful and more likely to just double down and say, 'No cap.'"
"But if anyone so much as challenges his views, he throws a huge fit."
The OP tried to share his happy news with his brother, but his brother immediately squandered it.
"Recently, we announced she was pregnant with our third child. It's a joyous occasion for us because we wanted three children, and our other two sons are excited about having another brother or sister."
"When I texted my brother the news, he immediately said he couldn't imagine having children with the world the way it was."
"I asked what he meant, and he started sending me these articles about global warming, the plague in Russia, wars around the world, and so on."
"He seems convinced that the world is going to end in ten years tops, and that I'm only bringing up another child to die in the 'water wars.'"
"I was honestly disgusted with him. To tell someone that their unborn child is going to die, that their other children are going to die, is absolutely abhorrent behavior."
"But since he's always been a sensitive s**thead, I just said, 'Whatever, man,' and stopped reading his texts."
"He wouldn't stop. He kept sending me every doomer article. He said that when the clouds evaporate, the earth is going to get 15 degrees hotter. He said that AI is going to hack every government database. He said that China is going to invade Taiwan, and then it'll be war with the US and allies against Russia, China, North Korea, and Iran."
The OP had had enough of his brother's negative feedback.
"Finally, I just told him I was blocking him and thought little of the decision."
"He went and cried to our parents (again, he's the most sensitive s**tbag in the world), and they told me what I did was over the top."
"I know that if I unblock him, he's just going to doomspam me again."
"Am I wrong for just straight-up saying I never want him in my life again?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that they understood why he felt the need to distance himself from his brother.
"NOR. He sounds insufferable."
"He sounds like one of those people who doesn't like his life and so wants everyone else to be miserable too, or makes excuses for why he didn't do more with his life by blaming his problems on some external crisis." - savingrain
"NOR. He's allowed to protect his peace, especially if his brother keeps ignoring boundaries and turning every conversation into another end-of-the-world prediction, and having kids is hardly a reason to apologize for trying to build a good life despite everything going on." - Upper-Cloud9097
"NOR. But your brother is on his way to a full mental breakdown. Send him back cute dog and cat videos. Cute horse videos. Ozzy animal voiceovers."
"Eventually his phone will start thinking he's like me and his feed will calm down." - Present_Original_797
"I mean, my beliefs and thoughts about the future are along the same lines as him, and that’s why I’m an anti-natalist, but there’s something called tact. And personal choice/autonomy."
"If someone chooses to have kids, that’s their choice, and I’d keep my opinions to myself and be supportive, especially if they’re a family member. Spreading doomer content is extremely insensitive and rude. NOR." - EngineerGold4242
"NOR: I wonder whether your brother is displaying sibling jealousy towards you and your family; he recognizes his own shortcomings and can see where he is in life compared to you, and that is his major issue."
"Days filled with unfulfilling computer games and doomspamming others, he has a lot of maturing to do. Block him until or unless he decides to join the adult world and be the uncle he is supposed to be." - iron_redditman
"NOR. I have all those fears and as such actively avoid news about them. I skipped whole paragraphs here for that reason too, lol."
"I’d definitely block my sibling or anybody else who did that to me. I already know all these things; I don’t need constant reminders. All I can do is work on improving my little corner of the world and trudge forward."
"Anyway, protect your peace." - hahagato
"You are not obligated to bond with someone just because you share blood. It’s your peace and your family that you need to protect now. If you decide to go zero contact, it’s perfectly okay!"
"Especially because you and your wife are in charge of two, almost three, little guys, and your mental peace affect directly to them."
"PS. Historically, the world has always been on the edge, but nothing stops us to be what we are, humans trying to get over all the s**t! So don’t let those bad things put you down. We can build a better world by raising kind, lovely people, and it seems you and your wife are doing it. Good luck!" - Camigatoespinace92
Others advised the OP to involve his parents in case they could help his brother.
"Unblock him and then send everything he texts you to both mom and dad. No comments, just forward it."
"They'll think you're sending it, and when they complain, you can tell them that you thought they'd be interested in your brother's articles as well."
"NOR." - No_Address687
"NOR. Your parents don't know the half of it. Forward everything and let them read it for themselves." - Available_Agent3305
"NOR. I’d keep him blocked; your parents are wrong. If you want to be petty, start sending your parents article after article of stuff you know they won’t like. They will get the hint soon enough." - OldieButNotMoldy
"I would also go low contact with the OP's parents. OP is clearly NOT the favorite son. Any boundaries he put up with his brother will be considered wrong. NOR." - Interesting_Novel997
"NOR, but also my first reaction is that your brother isn't a 'sensitive s**tbag,' he is struggling with anxiety/depression and maybe undiagnosed neurodivergence and is drowning in his own ruminations. None of that makes this an appropriate response to a pregnancy announcement; it's clearly not. But he sounds like someone who is clearly struggling here."
"If it were me, I'd be sending your parents anything he previously sent you. If they share your concern after reading a few articles, maybe they'll take steps to help him." - 2kidsnomoney---
"NOR. I'm sorry to say this, OP, but your brother has not been socialized normally. He is a chronically online loser who thinks he can do and say whatever he wants and does not understand there are no consequences because there are often no consequences when he does it in a league match or online."
"It frankly sounds like your concern for him and his future is budding into resentment and contempt, and I feel like, as most brothers would, those are not the feelings you want to hold towards him."
"I have a brother like this. He was diagnosed as an adult with Asperger’s and now just a spectrum autism diagnosis, but he’s a real a**."
"You may have to unblock him to communicate fairly. It may be worth doing this in person because it’s easier for the chronically online to 'craft' their retort rather than be a part of a conversation."
"Before you can do that, though, you need to sit down with your parents. You need to explain and be able to articulate that:"
"1. His reaction to the wonderful news of you having another child crossed the line and was inappropriate."
"2. There need to be reasonable consequences or boundaries because you are no longer willing to put up with that."
"3. It is his call at this point whether or not he wants to be in your life and your children’s lives."
"You have to have their buy-in; otherwise they are just going to continue to coddle and enable this behavior."
"Then you need to sit down with him and your parents, intervention style. You need to present the same argument you did to your parents, and in all honestly, I would question him in return: what was he hoping would have been the outcome of that conversation?"
"Did he want you to say he’s so right, so smart? Did he want you to go to your wife and tell her to abort? Does he feel like he is in a place in his life where he can be your family planner and manager? When he crosses a line, what does he feel should happen?"
"Only when he is directly confronted, and you have the right supports in place, can he be presented with how his behavior affected you and what that could possibly mean for his relationship with you and your growing family." - allison_mossie
The subreddit understood feeling burdened by so much negative information during what should be a happy time of planning and anticipating a new addition to the family, but the OP needed time to think about what he wanted his larger family dynamic to look like.
That might mean removing his brother, so that the OP could protect his own, and by extension, his wife's and children's, mental health, but it might mean minimizing contact with other people, too, if they weren't willing to respect the OP's boundaries he had for his family's life.