Wasting food is a big problem.
Most of the time, this happens innocently, as people's eyes are simply bigger than their stomachs.
When some people have this habit, others can prevent food waste.
As with any intervention, however, these don't always go over terribly well.
The niece of Redditor Gold_Possibility7728 had a niece who had a habit of ordering more food than she usually ate.
On a recent night out with their niece, the original poster (OP) thought they'd found the perfect solution to this problem.
Unfortunately, the OP's sister, their niece's mother, was anything but happy with their actions.
Having some doubts about their decisions, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for not buying my niece food when we went out cause she always wastes it?"
The OP explained why their sister was furious with them after taking their niece out for a meal:
"I picked up my niece with my two boys after school, and sometimes we go out to get some food."
"My niece always orders food she never eats, and ends up asking for some of what is get."
"She is 6, my youngest is 5, and my oldest is 9."
"This time around I told her that the two of us were going to share cause she all she ever does is pick at the food and does not eat it."
"She threw a fit, but I did not budge."
"We had our food, kept offering to share what I got. I told her that even if I ordered her food, she always just ends up wanting to get it even if I order her the same exact dish; she claims it is different."
"Yes, I have tried to order us the same dish, but she plays around with her food, takes a few bites, and then says it is not the same, then asks for some of mine."
"She eats it right up."
"I Just did not feel like going through all of that or eating her food after she picked around it for 10 min."
"So we all eat and she refused to eat."
"She told my sister I refused to feed her, and let her go without food."
"I explained to my sister that was not how it went down."
"I explained the situation and she does the same to my sister I thought she would understand."
"My sister lost it, said I should have spent the money on her own plate, let her do what she does, then let her have some of mine."
"I told her that was a waste of money, and is silly."
"My sister then told me, why go out to eat? I told her cause my kids asked, and I also had not eaten much that day cause I worked a double and was extremely busy."
"My sister told me, 'Next time, don't go out to eat if I refuse to feed her daughter."
"I once again told her I did not refuse to feed her; I just said we could share since that is what we always end up doing."
"My sister told me she has tried that; it does not work."
"She needs her own plate first and needs to realize she does not want her own plate, then will ask for some food from the person she feels closest with."
"She claims I have ruined that bond, and I also risk giving her a poor relationship with food."
"I am torn on if I was an a**hole or not. I know my niece does this, and maybe it was wrong of me to try and change it, especially because this is the norm for her."
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community firmly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for making her niece share her food with her.
Everyone agreed that the OP was being practical and economical, and that their sister could learn a thing or two from them:
"NTA."
"You haven't denied her access to food; you've established boundaries."
"If your sister wants to throw her money down the toilet, that's her choice."
"If she doesn't agree with you, she can drive her own child."- rasalscan
"NTA."
"Your sister is coddling her daughter beyond reason."- Jusbuster
"NTA."
"She already has a poor relationship with food."
"Her mom needs to handle that."
"Also you are doing her a solid by picking up your niece."
"She should be grateful for that, not telling you what to do."
"If she wants her daughter to have her own plate, she can give you the money for it up front so you’re not wasting your own."-Prestigious_Sail1668
"NTA."
"Next time, order her food and refuse to share yours."
"I only share with my kids and wife, nobody else."- DapperSmoke5
"NTA, but the compromise in this situation is that your sister pays for her kids' meal and half of yours."- hotdish420
The OP later returned with an update, thanking everyone who took the time to comment and clarifying some things about her family dynamic:
"I appreciate all the responses and feedback."
"Before I give the update, I want to clarify a few things I noticed."
"I agree I have also enabled this behavior by playing along with it for so long."
"Thing is I finally saw how silly it was to get her a plate of her own food just for her to play with it."
"I pick up and watch her until my sister gets home cause her husband is literally useless, and the school our kids go to do not play when it comes to pick up."
"It is five bucks per every minute a parent is late."
"They do have aftercare but only until 5:30."
"My sister gets out of work at 7:30."
"I was doing this as a favor, and it was not really an inconvenience because I was already picking up my kids."
"For those who asked why I did not just get her nuggets or something, because she does not eat things like that."
"We were eating at a restaurant we frequent."
"I order our usual we always share, and I did explain to her beforehand that I was not going to order her a plate solely to play with, and since last time she played with her food and did not eat it, her and I were just going to share like we eventually end up doing."
"I also put the food aside from the start; I just did not let her have it until she said she was not going to play with it."
"Yes, maybe she may have some food issues; it does seem like a ritual-like thing for her."
"She does this at home also and family gatherings."
"I guess I finally had a enough, my son who is 5 does not play with his food, she is older and does which is weird."
"I knew she was hungry because she does not eat lunch at school, she eats snacks but actual food no."
"She only eats what someone she is close with eats, and will only eat together with them."
"My sister refuses to get her evaluated for anything cause she does not want to put labels on her child."
"I don't drop her off at home because no one is home to watch her, and it would he a solid five hours before her mom gets home."
"All that aside, I told my sister last time that she has until the end of this month to make new arrangements."
'I told her I don't appreciate her actually believing my niece that I refused to feed her."
"That was not the case, and on top of that she expected me to cater to her wasteful behavior without any actual compensation."
"Even with compensation, it is ridiculous to waste food like that."
'My sister got upset and told me I was being unfair."
"I told her that she and her husband will have to figure something out."
"She called our mom to complain; my mom said I was being unreasonable and should just watch my niece and accept her quirks."
"Told mom she could do it, and left it at that."
"For the record, our mom won't cause she also finds this behavior weird, and it's part of the reason why she stopped babysitting."
If the OP had simply refused to give their niece any food, the OP's sister would have every right to be furious.
The fact that she got this angry over the OP trying to think practically is alarming, to say the least.
When the OP's sister sees her daughter's behavior remain stagnant as she grows up, she may wish she had thought as practically as the OP did much earlier.
