We live in a world full of labels.
Labels that some people wear proudly, but that others don't necessarily want displayed or promoted.
If only because they find these labels to be a fairly unimportant part of who they are.
In some rare cases, people proudly adopt these labels merely as a way of getting attention, even if these labels don't exactly give an authentic indication of who they are.
Redditor doktora0912 had something very important in common that proved a great comfort to both of them growing up.
Much to the OP's surprise, the original poster (OP)'s sister recently announced that this common thread no longer applied to her.
An announcement the OP had trouble both accepting and believing.
Still having difficulty processing this, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole Here (AITAH).
Unlike the similar 'Am I The A**Hole' (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as asking for advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors:
"AITAH for ignoring my sister for weeks after she told me she’s no longer gay?"
The OP explained why they simply couldn't quite process their sister's recent declaration:
"I (27 F[emale]) and my girlfriend (29 F[emale]) had an awkward dinner with our family last Sunday."
"For context we have family dinners with my Uncle’s family and my sister (29 F) to catch up."
"We try to make a tradition out of it since our Mom lives in another Island, so we try to keep in touch as much as we can with our Uncle."
"Last week was pretty exciting since they invited my girlfriend to come have dinner with us."
"Most of our family members are quite homophobic and some just tolerates gay people."
"So it was quite an issue when me and my sister came out years ago."
"Anyway, me and my girlfriend arrived early to spend the day and buy a small gift/token for my Uncle’s family and Auntie."
"We later met up with my sister to have coffee and line up at the restaurant, since the restaurant does not allow reservations."
"Fast forward to us being seated and we continued to catch up, all of a sudden my sister blurted out 'I don’t think I’m gay anymore'.”
"Of course me and my girlfriend were shocked but kept quiet since she went on to say, 'I don’t know it just feels boring and I don’t really like women you know'.”
"That was news to me, so I ask her why did she feel this way."
"She just kept insisting it was boring and I told her I don't quite understood what she was trying to say."
"She ignored that and then went on to say that she’s confuse on what to identify now."
"She said, 'I’m afraid to be labeled straight or an Ally because it’s a little boring compared to being bisexual'."
"Just as I was going to respond, Our Uncle and his family arrived and we proceeded to eating dinner."
"By the time dessert arrived, I wasn’t in the mood anymore and thankfully it was time to part ways."
"My sister noticed that I was a little off since she messaged me after about wanting to talk."
"She and I had a call."
"I told her I was not happy with how things ended and I wished we talked about it more."
"Just to clear things up because I was just confused."
"I asked her feelings and to expand on what she said about being bisexual as a personality because I thought I misunderstood her."
"BOY WAS I WRONG."
"She then proceeded to explain to me that, she realize she made being a gay her entire personality since high school which made her cool and interesting."
"I don’t get that but thats how she puts it."
"She said she likes how loved and accepted she felt coming out, especially during college."
"Which pissed me off."
"I asked her if she was just faking it this whole time and she said she really doesn’t know, she just realized she doesn’t like women but does not want to drop being a bisexual because she wants to keep it as her 'personality'."
"By that time I don’t know what to say, so I said, I don’t understand what she wants from me and I just hope she reevaluates and understands what she really feels."
"After that I haven’t been replying to her and now Im dreading the next Sunday dinner."
"I just feel the 'ick' and disappointment."
"I just really felt like at that moment I did not know my sister and it stings when she labeled her 'gayness' as a 'personality'."
"I just it really hurt hearing that especially now that me and my girlfriend have been talking about getting married and buying a property together, which is unusual and impossible in an extremely backwards Catholic country."
"Anyway Reddit, AITA for choosing to ignore my sister for days after she said she’s no longer gay but still wanna keep the bi label as her personality?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was almost equally confused as the OP was by her sister's declaration.
Most people agreed that the OP had every right to be shocked and confused by her sister's massive announcement, but many also tended to think that there was much more to her sister's change of heart than she was letting on:
"Out of curiosity did your sister come out after you did?"
"If so, she may have only 'came out' after seeing the attention you got and wanting that for herself."- Levelheaded411
"I think I would need time to process what my sister was saying and how to address it constructively."
"Not because I am offended but because I am concerned about her wellbeing."
"She is obviously confused and lacking some skills that adults need to be independent, healthy and happy."- bcbamom
"Sounds like she likes attention however you also say she has only dated woman maybe she is having an identity crisis and has seen a man she fancies."
"If up to her who she dates and shouldn’t affect your relationship with her just because she doesn’t identify as gay anymore."
"So I guess NAH in a sense."
"Your right to be confused by how she is explaining it but she is allowed to be confused about her own sexuality as well."- bunnybunny690
"That’s a bit weird of your sister."
"Has she dated women in this time?"- MaddieZahol
"NTAH but only because of her claiming her sexuality as a personality, that's obnoxious, especially when she admitted it was basically just for attention."- yournameisjohn
"I'm concerned that she feels her sexuality has to be some major part of her personality/ the most interesting thing about her."
"Also she's obsessed with being 'boring' to what I would say is an unhealthy degree."
"It's clear she is having an identity crisis and 'just be yourself' is too much for her so she's looking for labels to make herself into."
"I will say I am gay and that's the least interesting thing about me. I have and keep up bright green hair, im covered in tattoos (though not nearly enough), I play table top games and make interesting, dynamic characters."
"I keep reptiles and spiders as pets."
"If your sister is worried about being boring maybe you can help her navigate genuine ways for her to be interesting."
"A lot of the things that make me interesting I share with straight friends."- goblin_cleric
"Up to you if you want to ignore her."
"She sounds like she's very confused."
"Don't take her identity personally."
"I've thought a lot of people got on some sort of bandwagon to be part of community (especially during COVID)."
"Maybe it's just a subject to stay away from until she figures it out."
"It just makes me sad for your sister."- Bored_Eastly
The OP later returned with an update, clarifying a few things about her situation with her sister and where things currently stood between them:
"I wanted to clear some things raised in the comments."
"I’m not cutting off my sister, we are planning to meet again and just talk and clear stuff up."
"Regardless of what she identifies straight, bi, asexual is fine of course just as long as its not use as a personality but her truth."
"Regardless if she does not know it now and if she’s still confuse, I’d still accept and understand my sister."
"So please do not misunderstand."
Sexuality is unique to everyone, with some people more fluid than others.
Nor does everyone discover their sexual orientation at the same time in their lives.
With all this in mind, one hopes that the OP's sister has simply realized her sexuality later in life.
As one certainly hopes she isn't making a show of her sexuality just to gain attention.
