Every wedding is going to be different, in that it has finishing touches and little traditions that are special to the bride, groom, and their families.
It’s not that unusual for the bride and groom to honor their families at their wedding, shrugged the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
While Redditor Content-Patient-6521 and her future husband planned to include her mother-in-law in the lighting of the family unity candle, she was otherwise against including her mother-in-law in the wedding procession.
When her mother-in-law was hurt by this and also wanted to walk down the aisle like the bride’s parents would, the Original Poster (OP) accused her of making the wedding all about herself.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for not wanting my Mother-in-Law (MIL) to walk down the aisle at my wedding?”
The OP and her mother-in-law were struggling to agree during the wedding planning.
“I’m getting married in a few months, and overall planning has gone pretty smoothly, but there’s one issue that’s been driving me nuts. My future mother-in-law insists on walking down the aisle at my wedding.”
“For context, she’s not part of the wedding party, she’s not giving anyone away, and she’s not officiating. She just wants to walk down the aisle by herself as part of the processional, basically as if she were the Mother of the Bride.”
“I told her no politely. I explained that our plan was for my fiancé and the officiant to enter from the side, then the wedding party would walk, then my parents, and finally me.”
“We’re already including her in a meaningful way. She’s going to light one of the candles during the unity ceremony and will be seated in the front row.”
The OP’s mother-in-law continued to press the issue.
“Apparently, that’s not enough. She said she deserves her own moment to be seen and honored because she raised my fiancé and has just as much right to walk down the aisle as my parents do.”
“I tried explaining that traditionally, the Mother of the Groom is seated before the ceremony starts, but she got really upset and said she’s not a seat filler, she’s his mother, and she’s not going to be shuffled in like some background character.”
“My fiancé tried to talk to her, but she got emotional and accused us of disrespecting her and trying to erase her from his life. Then she said if we don’t let her walk down the aisle, she might not come at all.”
The family pressured the OP to include her mother-in-law.
“Now, a few of his aunts and cousins are messaging me, saying I’m being controlling and that it wouldn’t hurt anything to just let her walk.”
“But to me, it feels like she’s trying to turn the ceremony into a moment about herself. I don’t want to reward that kind of emotional manipulation, and I really don’t want to start my marriage with this kind of boundary being crossed.”
“But now I’m wondering if I’m making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be.”
“AITAH for saying no?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some cringed and thought the bride was being hurtful toward her mother-in-law.
“I’m generally Team Bride, but in this case, yes, YTA.”
“You are NOT sticking with ‘tradition’; your parents are walking together, and you are walking by yourself. Also, it’s your you and your future husband’s wedding… You can do anything you want to do… ‘WANT’ being the operative word.”
“And don’t act like she has some honorable role by lighting the unity candle. Both moms light one.”
“Additionally, the mother of the groom DOES walk down the aisle. She traditionally is walked down the aisle by her own son before the ceremony starts or by a groomsmen.”
“Just say you can’t stand your MIL and you’re looking for a way to hurt her. Sheesh.” – mid40smomof3
“I’m leaning YTA. MIL could walk her son down the aisle instead of him coming in from the side. Makes a heck of a lot more sense and is more inclusive. After all, her son is half of the wedding.” – Worldly-Grade5439
“I think she has a point. You’re playing favorites. ‘Oh, but MY parents are the parents of the bride, not the groom, so they’re special!’ Get over yourself. YTA.” – Obi-Juan_Valdez
“Oh, but her mother raised her, that makes the mother of the bride important to the OP. Apparently, wolves raised her fiancé, so his mother doesn’t get equal treatment… YTA.” – pigandpom
“Of all the hills to die on for a wedding, this is a weird one. Seems pretty straightforward to go well, how about everyone gets to walk down the aisle? The groom can walk his mum to her seat down the aisle, the bride’s parents come in, then the bridal party, etc.”
“Seems very easy to create a reasonable compromise that doesn’t create drama. Also, the reality is NO ONE will care that the MOG walked down the aisle except the bride.”
“Literally none of the guests are going to think anything of it. It’s not a spotlight moment; it’s the s**tty commercials before the movie starts at the theater.” – Aradene
“YTA. To be honest, I think it’s a little too late for OP to decide whether she wants drama and tension at this point. She already checked yes on that box.”
“OP can try to backtrack all she (doesn’t) want, but MIL is never going to forget this. Regardless of what OP decides to do, this is always going to be a thing from now on.”
“Some bad decisions cannot be undone.” – Noodlefanboi
Others agreed that the wedding arrangements seemed to be unfair.
“It doesn’t sound like your dad is escorting you down the aisle, but your parents are walking in before you as part of the processional. So why can’t your husband to be mom get to walk in the processional, too? It’s your wedding, but it does seem unfair.” – Select_Winner6365
“I’ve also been to weddings where both sets of parents walk down the aisle, a few where the groom had both parents walk with him. Could his mother walk with him down the aisle?”
“I understand traditions, but what’s the harm in having her walk down the aisle for 15 seconds? Aside from voicing how hurt she feels about being left out (which she’s totally allowed to feel), is she behaving badly for asking to be part of the processional?”
“I feel like there’s room for compromise.” – HeyGoogleImSad
“If OP’s parents are walking down the aisle before the bride, then MIL should also be included in that ceremony or walk with her son. Traditional weddings have changed so much that it’s not difficult to do something new if it keeps the peace.”
“Traditionally, the bride’s parents paid for the whole wedding. Nowadays, the groom and bride usually pay so they can control their wedding. Having MIL have her moment may go a long way in a much happier life moving forward. Cave in here and fight tooth and nail next time she wants something.” – 20MLSE20
“It is not traditional for the mother of the bride to walk down the aisle. So having your mother walk down the aisle but not your fiancés mother would appear unfair. Ultimately, it’s your and your fiancé’s choice, but I feel like this could slip into YTA territory very quickly and very easily.” – Low-Programmer-7447
“Traditionally, the Mother of the Bride is the last one seated and is the cue to the attendees that the wedding begins now. The music to which the bridemaids & bride with her father walk down the aisle should begin now.”
“If the Mother of the Bride is single and chooses to walk the bride down the aisle instead of a male relative, another cue can be used, like the Mother of the Groom.”
“I was the Maid of Honor in a wedding party, where the MOB was single and Dad was not involved with his kids since he left. MOB walked the bride down the aisle.”
“In that instance, the Father of the Groom offered to walk the bride down the aisle so the MOB could be last escorted down. Bride and Groom discussed it and decided, together, the MOB would walk the bride down the aisle.”
“So, I understand why MOG has her feelings hurt.”
“Suggestion: tell MOG that since both bride’s parents will walk the bride down the aisle, MOG will now be the last one seated and cue to organist (or whoever is providing music) to begin playing bridal procession music, and guests should take cues on standing when the bride enters the ceremony area.”
“You could even add a note in the program for guests to watch her for cues when to sit and when to stand. MOG should be seated by Best Man (not her husband) to signify her importance.” – BonusMomSays
“I feel so bad for MIL. This is a huge moment in her son’s life, and I think she just wants to be included in one last thing before she gives away her son.”
“Yes, I’m sure there will be holidays and visits, but that’s officially not her little boy anymore; that’s now someone’s husband! It’s a big change for everyone involved, and it sucks that she’s being shoved so hard to the side.” – Itchy-Cryptographer2
The subReddit wanted to side with the bride, wishing her the best on her special day, but all they could do was cringe and question what the bride was thinking.
If she wanted to include her mother in the aisle procession, it only stood to reason that her future husband would want the same for his own mother, and that her mother-in-law might also expect the same treatment.
There likely would be arguments in the family in the future that were much more important; maybe this wasn’t something to turn into an argument, especially this early in the relationship.