The world has thankfully evolved to the point that people from different cultures and backgrounds can live harmoniously together.
That still doesn’t mean cultural divides have become extinct.
Far from it, as many people are so ingrained and set in their cultural views and beliefs that they still have trouble accepting the fact that others live differently.
Redditor CommunicationFlat128 and his wife came from very different cultures and upbringings.
Thankfully, this didn’t seem to affect their marriage.
Until the original poster (OP) began planning a trip back to his home country, and gave his wife a warning she did not appreciate.
Having some doubts about how he handled the situation, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole Here (AITAH).
While similar to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA) subReddit, AITAH allows Redditors to ask for advice on issues that are not permitted on AITA, such as seeking advice or posting about ending relationships. Nor are voting acronyms required or a final judgment declared.
The OP asked fellow Redditors;
“I’m from India (27 M[ale]) settled in Poland (Warsaw).”
“My wife is Polish (27F), we met as students.”
“We’ve an awesome relationship & understanding in general and we love each other’s cultures.”
“She has visited my homeland only for once, that’s too for our marriage in 2023.”
“Currently, it’s winters in India, the best time for her to travel there.”
“But the thing is, that country has a very polar environment.”
“While it’s common to see the most lovely people there, but a lot of men have cracked minds too, especially against women.”
“I’m sure, 3/10 strangers (men) will be staring at my wife.”
“Some out of curiosity, and some out of pure lust.”
“It’s incredibly blood boiling for me, as I’m seeing this since childhood, which makes me embarrassed to the core.”
“Women wearing shorts there in public is rare, so my wife wearing them will make it worse too.”
“Even though we’ll be always travelling with my family, (we’re 3 brothers), still we can’t shut the eyes of every man there.’
‘So as a precaution and to not make things uncomfortable, awkward and unsafe for us, especially her, I seriously advised her to not wear shorts in public there, but she was miffed because for her, India is still a warm country and she’s used to wearing shorts.”
“She nodded in acceptance but I can see that it has spoiled her mood, leading to passive aggression for a short time.”
“I never judge/dictate what my wife should wear.”
“Indian Public areas is an exception.”
“She wears shorts everywhere else, I’ve zero issues.”
“I’m doing this just for the sake of her safety from evil eyes.”
“AITAH here?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in, with some using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Just about everyone felt that the OP did the right thing by warning his wife not to wear shorts, finding his concerns valid and well-founded, even if some felt he could have gotten the message through with a little more delicacy:
“NTA.”
“Explain to her that she would not be safe walking in India wearing shorts, and she should cover for her own safety.”
“You are not trying to control her, you are trying to make sure she is not in danger.”
“You can buy her a longer linen skirt or dress to wear over her shorts and remain cool.”- ToastetteEgg
“When traveling to those countries as a woman, it’s important to take safety precautions.”
“This has nothing to do with it not ‘being right’ (of course it isn’t), it’s about how things actually are there.”
“I wear long, breezy skirts or loose trousers that cinch at the ankle and at the waist.”
“I wear loose blouses or tunics.”
“This is also useful as a layer of protection from the sun.”- ignorantiaxbeatitudo
“NTA, sexual harassment is prevalent in India so sticking out even more is not advisable.”
“I’m sure you are concerned for her safety.”- CardImpossible8836
“NTA.”
“You’re from India so you know.”
“You’re right she shouldn’t be leered at or treated badly because she’s wearing shorts but she will be.”
“It’s not right but that is the world we live in.”
“I’d like to know if you’ve told your wife the truth about how India treats woman or do you gloss over that and only tell her the nice things?”
“I think if you’ve never told her the bad things that you should because she deserves to know.”
“…if you don’t tell her the bad stuff you can’t expect her to understand why she shouldn’t wear shorts.”- Illustrious_March192
“As an Indian woman, I would say you are 100% right.”
“Show her this thread.”
“Please dress conservatively why to invite unnecessary trouble.”- gilium117
‘I agree with not the a**hole.”
“Just try and explain the situation.”
“I know there’s a lot of people who say that you should have absolutely no say in suggesting anything your partner does.”
“But that’s silly, just tell her it gets cold but also… people who are consumed by lust are dangerous.”
“Let her know that growing up there you know what it’s like so you’re just trying to prepare her for the most pleasant experience possible upon your visit.”- Downtown-Machine7906
“NTA.”
“I’m a blonde haired white woman.”
“I went to India with work.”
“There was a market outside the office compound.”
“I was going to go and check it out, but while walking within the grounds I noticed that so many of the men were staring at me and watching my progress towards the entrance to the market.”
“I decided to stay within the gated boundaries and didn’t venture beyond the office-hotel for the rest of my trip.”
“I feel I missed out.”
“But I did not feel safe there at all.”- palebluedot365
“NTA.”
“I’m also Indian, and unfortunately, you’re right about how bad men can be in India.”
“It’s better safe than sorry.”
“No point attracting extra attention to herself if she can prevent it.”
“Its stupid and sexist inherently but it’ll keep her a little safer at least.”- Jazzyjeet429
“NTA.”
“Just get your wife to watch videos of how Indian and foreign women are treated on r/indiancivicfails or the video on YouTube of those women who attended a music concert.”
“You’re trying to protect your wife!”- FlatCapNorthumbrian
“I traveled to India from Sweden in 2010 and learned beforehand I need to cover up more.”
“So I did.”
“Men still stared all the time.”
“But yes, it is important to learn about the culture she is traveling to and adapt a bit.”- Vardagar
“My experience in India was such that unless western white women stay in resort or other similar place (exception is beaches in goa or the like), they will get harassed.”
“And that’s putting it nicely.”
“Bring shorts, wear them in a few appropriate places.”
“Better alternative is lightweight linen or other travel pants that are very breathable.”
“It’s still hot in India around December and January.”
“Best of luck.”- Sn_Orpheus
“I went to a local market in a middle Eastern country, won’t say which.”
“I had a full-length dress on and was fully covered except my head and hair.”
“Being a white woman, even covered up, was so scary.”
“I was stared at by so many men; there were groups of them.”
“I have never felt so uncomfortable in all my life.”
“Make it clear it’s for her safety.”
“I would not even go to India as a woman after hearing all the horror stories.”- Lunaspoona
“Rather than telling her what to wear, show her what locals do wear.”
“Maybe pick up some nice loose Indian trousers for the both of you.”
“When traveling in other countries, it’s important to respect local dress codes and other customs, written and unwritten.”- Amareldys
In this day and age, it’s understandable that any woman might resent a man telling her to do anything a certain way.
However, it seems more than clear that the OP was thinking of her safety and well-being first and foremost.
Hopefully, with another civil conversation, she will come to realize this herself.