A stay at home parent has a job.
They run the home.
And that ain’t easy.
So why do we still have issues with it?
Case in point…
Redditor just_a_rando54 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for embarrassing my brother in front of the whole family?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (36 M[ale]) am married to a wonderful woman (34).”
“When we first got married 8 years ago, I was making about $36k and she was making $230k.”
“Fast forward a year and we welcome a sweet baby girl.”
“After her maternity leave was up, I took my vacation to stay with my baby.”
“Well I found out that being a dad and taking care of the house is 1000 times better than working in a stressful office.”
“We discussed it, and I became a full time S[tay] A[t] H[ome] D[ad].”
“I like being a SAHD.”
“I even enjoy keeping the house clean, cooking, taking care of the kids (7 F[emale], 4M and 1M), being involved in the mom groups, little league… etc.”
“The only person who seems to have a problem with things is my older brother (44 M).”
“I don’t know how, but despite being raised by parents who are very much champions of equal rights, he grew up to be the embodiment of ‘man provides and guides, woman makes home and follows.'”
“Which is why he is a 2 times divorcee who has terrible relationships with his kids.”
“For the past 7 years he has been making jokes about me, trying to imply that I am less of a man because my wife earns money while ‘I play little wife.'”
“I ignore him if I’m in the mood to, or just shake my head at him.”
“Well my wife and I were drunk one time and we came up with a bit of a naughty solution.”
“He gives major vibes of being a prude (and is casually homophobic to be honest).”
“So when he made a joke last Sunday along the lines that ‘if you were married to a man, you would 100% be the bottom.'”
“I hit him with ‘funny you say that, I am a bottom.'”
“‘Wife’ really knows how to use a dildo and harness to make a man see the starts”.
“He turned so red, everyone kind of let out a shocked laugh and he finally shut up.”
“After a while he said that he did not want to hear about what I do with my wife in our bedroom.”
“I said if he keeps his comments to himself, I would have no reason to share.”
“But today mom called me to say that he refuses to attend Sunday dinner if I am there unless I apologize.”
“I refused to and mom is now the one feeling bad.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Your brother has an insecurity-fueled need to control and be the ‘alpha’ in this situation.”
“Apologize now and you’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Let him stew and sulk like a little baby.”
“And try to explain to your mom this is about you standing up for you, your wife and your family.”
“Which is far more important than your brother’s monstrous ego.”
“Sounds like dinner will be more relaxing in the long run.”
“NTA, and best of luck.” ~ SightMiner333
“Yeah, no apologies OP.”
“Your brother is the one that introduced this topic of conversation.”
“If he’s so sensitive to it, he needs to not bring it up.” ~ CaRiSsA504
“Mom/parents should have shut brother’s nonsense down a long time ag.”
“Their home, their rules on what’s acceptable discussion.”
“Mom didn’t, now she has to figure out what she wants.”
“OP/wife/kids over for nice Sunday dinners, or mouthy/hateful brother who is divorced.”
“So NTA.” ~ farsical111
“A real tough man would not get all butthurt because someone else embarrassed him for ‘checks notes’ trying to embarrass him. NTA.” ~ HerefsAndrew
“I personally consider ‘the real problem’ to be hatred of self, regardless of whether a bigot is gay or straight.”
“When you hate yourself, the only way to feel good about the person you are is to consider someone beneath you.”
“Shitting on anything outside the norm is a really easy way to cope with that gnarly case of self-loathing they’ve got.”
“It won’t change the fact that they can’t escape themselves, and deep down they’ll never feel like they’re ‘enough.'”
“OP’s brother is coping hard for something here.” ~ RabidWench
“NTA. You may not want to hurt him, but the kind of hurt he’d get from that would be short term.”
“The hurt he gets from being a misogynistic, homophobic ‘manly man’ is ongoing.”
“Comments from people he cares about are one of the few things that might make him reconsider his values.” ~ dyfrgi
“Haha this is amazing. NTA.”
“You’re so right, if he doesn’t wanna hear that sorta stuff, he shouldn’t be making those sort of comments.” ~ Ok-Statement-2578
“NTA! That is f**king hilarious!”
“I don’t understand the mindset that replying honestly to a question with ALREADY sexual connotation makes you overly inappropriate.” ~ lordbellezebub
“NTA. If he is going out of his way to try to demean you and make you uncomfortable then he brought it upon himself in my opinion.”
“Him being embarrassed by a situation he put himself in is his own fault.”
“Sucks your mom is in the middle of this though.”
“Maybe offer a compromise, where if you both agree to be civil in the future, then you both put it behind y’all?”
“That way mom is happy.” ~ DoItForTacos
“NTA and absolutely hilarious, he deserved it.”
“Also – As someone who was raised by a stay at home dad and a working mom, I wish it was more normalized and it makes me beam reading this post.”
“Explaining it to friends growing up was always so complicated since it was normal to me and I saw absolutely nothing wrong (because there isn’t anything wrong).”
“While they couldn’t wrap their heads around it.”
“Glad you embrace it proudly, man.” ~ peachyryland
“My dad was my primary caregiver when I was a little kid.”
“He worked from home (in the 90s so it wasn’t super common).”
“He’d type up contracts and stuff on the type writer and we’d go all over the city to drop things off at legal buildings.”
“My mom was a nurse so she wouldn’t be home for like 12-18 hours at a time.”
“I’m the youngest of his kids and he was with me the most, so as a result I’m just copy pasted version of my dad.”
“Men likes OPs brothers are the bane of society and are keeping everyone back.” ~ chaos_almighty
“So my hubby and I have this sense of humor and are always saying innuendos to each other.”
“As our kiddos have gotten older, they actually get our jokes (yikes) we’ve tamed it down a bit.”
“My point is, it was hilarious, but was the whole audience appropriate?”
“I can’t really tell from your post.”
“As a witness, I wouldn’t think it was appropriate, because I’m a firm believer in time and place.”
“And now you accidentally put your mom in the middle.”
“I think NTA in the grand scheme of payback, but your timing might have been off.” ~ Mother-hen-75212
“Then you are totally NTA.”
“Siblings absolutely need to be exposed to our kind of sense of humor!”
“Stand your ground and tell mom this is silly and bro just needs space to get over.”
“I definitely would not apologize!!” ~ Mother-hen-75212
“That is amazing.”
“Sir, I tip my hat to you, applaud your secure masculinity.”
“And hope every single word you said was true because real men have tried anal.”
“Remind your mother that your brother refusing to attend without an apology is him being an extorting emotional terrorist.”
“Then pull a super serious face and the line ‘and in this family, we don’t negotiate with terrorists. NTA.” ~ Goda6511
“NTA. The irony with these people never fails to amaze.”
“He needs to keep his opinions to himself and keep his mouth shut in general.”
“No one wants to hear his take.” ~ IHaveSaidMyPiece
“NTA at all.”
“Your brother should worry about how he is doing in life and not you.”
“Also very funny how you and your wife decided to handle the situation because now he gets to be as uncomfortable as he made you, if not a little more.”
“Keep up the good work.” ~ Pure-Escape-9166
“NTA. He made a sexist, homophobic joke, which you turned right back around on him.”
“If your mother is feeling bad that he refuses to come to dinner because his sad little ego got bruised, that’s on him, not you.” ~ vodka7tall
Well OP, Reddit seems to understand where you’re coming from.
What you do is great.
And a little poking fun back at someone who has poked you has never killed anybody.