Every family has a different dynamic and each dynamic can be difficult to navigate.
No one wants to feel taken advantage of, and sometimes family doesn’t realize they’re taking advantage.
That is the groundwork for a lot of drama.
Case in point…
Redditor snowflakefairy_06 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for refusing to babysit for my sister and leaving her without anyone to watch her kids?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi!! Long time reader and first time poster.”
“I’m 18, female, still in high school (pertinent to the story), paralyzed (also pertinent).”
“My mom is 45. My sister is 28 and has three boys ages 10, 6, and 3.”
“Four years ago I was in a car accident and came out paralyzed from the waist down.”
“It has been hell having to learn a new way of life but I haven’t let that stop me.”
“I am going to be going to a college out of state next year, and graduating in the top ten percent in my school if things continue as they are.”
“The one major thing that is a complete bummer out of all of this (other than the obvious) is that my mom thinks that I am now a free babysitter for whenever one of my older brother or sisters needs one.”
“She never consults me on these and expects me to drop plans at the drop of a hat.”
“This past Monday I told my parents about a Christmas movie extravaganza sleepover my friend has been planning.”
“It’s gonna be three girls and we were planning on making brownies, cookies, watching really cheesy Christmas themed romantic movies.”
“And just girl stuff. It was on Saturday (yesterday) and my parents said they had no problem with it.”
“Yesterday arrived and I’m just about to roll out when my mom comes and says my sister is on her way with her three boys.”
“Apparently she asked mom if I could babysit the other day and she said yes. Didn’t even bother telling me about it.”
“I said hell no because I already have plans. We fought and mom ended up storming off because this one time I wasn’t backing down.”
“I took the time and left. Turning my phone off when I got into my friend’s car.”
“Today when I got home I got called an immature a**hole basically.”
“My sister was left without anyone to watch the kids during her husband’s work Christmas party.”
“I went back on my word (that I didn’t make).”
“Mom told me that I should be grateful she gives me something to look forward to (babysitting) because I have no real social life being paralyzed.”
“I just went to my room and cried.”
“But now I’m wondering… am I the a**hole like they say I am because I refused to babysit and then left my sister in the lurch?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. Your family members all suck. If your mom is that concerned about your sister having a babysitter, she can watch the kids herself.” ~ NUT-me-SHELL
“So she refuses too, but makes you watch the brat?!?”
“Your mom is a major AH. Also communicate directly with your siblings – it sounds like your mom is miscommunicating and sowing discord between you, by making promises in your name.”
“Your siblings may honestly think that you enjoy the babysitting, if that’s what your mother told them.” ~ Corfiz74
“Also Mom’s the AH for saying you’ve got nothing better to do because you have no social life WHEN YOU ACTUALLY DO HAVE A SOCIAL LIFE, and you have friends who invite you over and come to pick you up.” ~ DrunkOnRedCordial
“Since she weaponized your disability maybe you should do the same.”
“I cannot believe she said something so vile to you. Just wow.”
“Maybe you’d have things to look forward to (not that you don’t, of course) if she’d stop stealing your time. NTA.” ~ Lennox120520
“I worked at a certain amazing spine and brain rehab hospital, and I’ve seen some family do some whack a** crap… but OP, college and getting the hell out of there can’t come fast enough for you.”
“If working at that hospital taught me anything it was you can have a VERY full, independent, happy life if you so choose!”
“I am so incredibly sorry that your family is making your life change about them.”
“I’d love to run over their toes with a wheelchair hint hint.”
“OP, you still have a beautiful life ahead of you, you have all your rights to YOUR time.”
“NTA at all.” ~ cbandpot
OP read so many responses and wanted to give an update.
“So I’m not going into a whole lot of detail on here right now but plans are being put into motion for me to move in with my friend and her family.”
“I made this choice after mom came in and berated me again for standing up for myself.”
“She said that because I said I would originally (few years back I had no life and no confidence so I agreed to babysitting a few times, then it was like I had no choice) that I asked for this.”
“Then she said I’m to do what she says while living under her roof.”
“Tomorrow she has work and hopefully by tomorrow evening I will not be living under her roof.”
“I’m sure this won’t be the last time I hear from her though.”
“For those who have mentioned this and will ask if I don’t answer… yes I have the originals to my important documents, and she does not have access to my money.”
“She has encouraged my siblings though my sister is the only one this rude.”
“My dad, well he doesn’t like rocking the boat and to be honest in a way I don’t blame him. She yells at him more than me.”
“When I read it, I read it again. I just couldn’t wrap my head around anyone saying something so viscous, so ironically debilitating, to their child.”
“If I was OPs mother, I’d be nothing but proud that she is alive and thriving.”
And the feedback just kept rolling in..
“And let’s face it, would be thriving more, if these people who were supposed to be a support system, would actually do it.” ~ Lennox120520
“The world is better with you in it, OP.”
“You’re NTA, but your mom is a major one.”
“I would tell your sister that all babysitting requests have to go straight to you because anything that goes through your mother won’t be considered an actual plan.” ~ curiousrut
“Sending you a virtual hug, a big one.”
“No one should have to hear what you heard. You’re thriving despite your condition and her outlook on it.”
“You’re not a disabled person, you’re a person with hopes and dreams you strive to achieve. Wheel on out of that family and never look back.” ~ ScorchieSong
“NTA. That paralyzed comment was a low blow and unacceptable.”
“I would never babysit again.”
“I’ve been paralyzed for 21 years and my social circle is small but tight.”
“I really want to have a strong word with your mom.”
“You didn’t deserve any of that. I’d put your foot down and stop.”
“Call CPS if they leave them with you. Use their words against them.” ~ Fit-Distribution-252
Our OP came back around to share with us a conclusion.
Which is great, since we rarely get closure.
“Officially out of the house.”
“I just got done messaging to my mom and siblings that I’m out of the house and will no longer be available for babysitting.”
“Thank you to everyone who commented and for the awards although I’m still not sure how the whole karma thing works nor do I really care.”
“Those who responded helpfully, thank you for helping me mentally work through this.”
“I appreciate it more than words can say.”
Sometimes this whole internet and Reddit story sharing really is a blessing.
We’re all connected and in that connection we find ways to bond and heal and let one another know… none of us is alone.
You don’t have to know everyone’s name to know you’re supported.
Let’s hope a better situation for all arises from this story.