It’s fair to say that a person should be able to do whatever they like with the money that they make.
But it seems there will always be someone, especially family members, who will feel entitled to some of it, groaned the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor Bitter_Research2372 was furious when he heard his parents’ plan for how they intended to use their will.
Because he believed it would benefit his sister more than him, the Original Poster (OP) thought the will should be renegotiated.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for not wanting to give my wealthier sister the lion’s share of the inheritance?”
The OP was furious when he heard his parents’ plan for their will.
“Yesterday, my parents sat me (31 Male), my two brothers (32 Male and 34 Male), and my sister (41 Female) down to discuss their will.”
“My parents informed us that they want to split it five ways. My sister gets two-fifths of the inheritance while the three of us brothers get one-fifth each.”
“Their reasoning is that my sister ‘sacrificed’ her childhood for our family, so it’s only fair she gets compensated.”
The OP didn’t see what the big “sacrifice” was.
“In our childhood, my father’s business partner screwed him over so there was a period where we were broke and in debt.”
“My parents had to work multiple jobs to keep us afloat, and my sister babysat us while our parents worked.”
“All she had to do was feed us and keep an eye on us. We were pretty calm kids, so all we did was play games and do our homework.”
“It probably wasn’t thrilling, but not exactly a tremendous hardship.”
The OP and his brothers spoke up about the injustice.
“I complained to my parents along with my brothers that it’s insane they want to give my sister two-fifths of the inheritance over that.”
“I also pointed out that she’s financially the best off out of all of us. She doesn’t have any kids and has a dual income with her partner.”
The OP’s parents didn’t appreciate the rebuttal.
“My parents said they’re disappointed in us and said we need to reflect on ourselves.”
“My sister didn’t say s**t while my parents spoke but texted us afterwards that she had zero intention of taking two-fifths. But she also said we were all acting like a**holes.”
“AITA for feeling like this split is unfair?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some argued the parents created more problems than solutions with the split inheritance.
“ESH. OP and her brothers for not being happy that they are getting something, and the OP’s parents for putting this rift between their siblings and helping to further destroy any relationship they have with each other.”
“The only one who is NTA is the older sister.” – Fantastic_Lady225
“NTA, it wasn’t the younger siblings’ fault, and they should not be blamed. The parents are the a**holes for having children they could barely afford and putting a wedge between y’all.” – Accomplished-Cod-504
“NTA. If it’s how you say then she wasn’t parentified she just babysat while your parents went to work. I did the same when my parents both went to work, seriously some people complain about a lack of community and togetherness and then don’t want to be part of a community or together unless it strictly benefits them.”
“You’re acting somewhat entitled in that no one is entitled to your parents’ money except who they choose but they gave a reason and let them live with it, they know what they’re doing.” – Machanidas
“NTA. You’re entitled to your feelings. But she lost a major part of her childhood trying to parent kids that were not hers. Imagine all the events/parties she missed to babysit. Imagine how excluded she must’ve felt from her peers.”
“The only reason you had a normal, calm childhood is because you had someone to take care of you. You had no responsibilities or things to worry about. You were safe and taken care of.”
“The least you can do is be grateful for all her sacrifices. You don’t have to give her any compensation, but at least let the parents do their part.” – InternationalLeek967
“NTA, in my opinion, because of the way it was presented. You guys didn’t ask for her childhood to be like they described. Why does the onus of the sacrifice fall on you guys?”
“It’s a passive-aggressive way to guilt you guys for a situation the parents caused. It’s their fault they decided to have more kids and make your sister a child caretaker and deprived you guys of being raised by proper adults.”
“If they felt guilty about your sister, then they should assign a specific part of the estate to be divided equally and then gift her a special extra (maybe put aside, like a specific piece of property, etc., or a special trust and leave some extra stocks to her, etc.). It’s the way they’re phrasing it that’s causing the conflict.” – cunexttuesdaynga
“NTA. Yes, the sister sacrificed a lot and your parents want to acknowledge her contribution toward their success and future opportunities for the entire family.”
“The three brothers, however, also missed out on a lot by not having their actual parents around to guide them and shape them as people. This would have taken its toll on everybody.” – Mellyouttaphase
“NTA (your parents are the AH). Your parents should’ve and still should compensate your sister, but that should be completely between your parents and sister.”
“Giving your sister a bigger share of the will is your parents literally not taking responsibility and just making you and your brothers pay her instead.”
“They aren’t giving anything up, they are just making you give something up. Also, this has a 100% chance of straining the relationship between your brothers and your sister.” – Crumineras
But others thought the OP’s reaction spoke volumes about his character.
“YTA. Even if she just stayed at home while you were there, she didn’t have teenage freedom and she made sacrifices and took on responsibilities. It doesn’t matter how affluent she is now, your parents are trying to pay her back for what they couldn’t pay her then.” – SwimmingCritical
“YTA. Not many parents are willing to acknowledge that they parentified a child. Your sister sacrificed her teenage years to help your parents take care of you.”
“There may not have been any inheritance at all for you to quibble over, if not for her unpaid labor back then.” – Helpful_Hour1984
“YTA. First of all, you are not entitled to any of your parents’ money, they could have left it to a cat shelter and that would have been fine.”
“Second, yes, she did in fact make a huge sacrifice by basically becoming a third parent and babysitting you all the time. All the time you’ve spent playing? She could have been out with her friends, enjoying her childhood, and instead, she was making sure her siblings were fed and out of trouble.”
“You are terribly entitled.” – Sunny_Hill_1
“YTA. It sounds like your parents have an inheritance to give in large part because of your sister supporting them, which allowed them to get out of a financial hole.”
“It was respectful of our parents to explain their choice; they could have left it without any explanation and that is their right.”
“Also, you’re ten years younger, you have no idea what it was like for your sister. You assume you were easy, but you seem pretty entitled now, so I’m guessing you were harder than you knew. She helped parent you, full stop.” – LavishnessQuiet956
“Lol (laughing out loud), I had four girls and our last was a boy. God help me, I was in for a shock! Little girls are so cuddly and laid back, and playtime was Barbies and tea parties. My son’s idea of playtime was car attacks, diving off furniture, and giving me a concussion with his remote control car when he hit me upside the head with it (he was 18 months old).”
“I love him, but I can’t imagine having three of him against one me, and at a more inexperienced age.”
“YTA, OP. Your sister helped support your parents through a very stressful and difficult time, sacrificing her own freedom to help watch her brothers, who I’m sure were perfectly behaved angels. (Side-eye.)”
“OP’s parents are amazing people for recognizing your sister’s contributions and wanting to reward and acknowledge her efforts, just at a later time than desired.” – Sensitive-Cup3421
“F**king h**l, you’re getting 20% of the inheritance instead of 25%. You’re not angry that you’re getting less, just that she’s getting more. And she f**king raised you.”
“Then you claim that looking after three kids alone when you’re a teenager is the same as not getting lifts to friends’ houses. Apparently raising kids is nothing, but they should get all the money.”
“And to top it all off, she was on your side until you were such a bellend about it. I really hope your parents do adjust the will, it’s only going one way if so.”
“Oh, and YTA.” – mofohawk
“YTA, an entitled AH. Your parents owe you no inheritance and can do with it whatever they want. You should be grateful you are getting one-fifth! Did you even say thank you?”
“Everyone makes their own choices in life, like having kids, studying, and what type of employment. You should be doing everything you can to provide for your own family and not expecting a handout.”
“It’s lovely that your parents acknowledge your sister’s sacrifices and loss of childhood. Your parents and sister seem like great people.” – Jessika1111
Everyone could appreciate that the OP’s sister had made sacrifices and that her childhood was not what it should have been with the presence of parentification.
However, they could understand how the OP could feel cheated, as he was basically paying his sister for her years providing childcare, by receiving fewer funds than his sister.
It seems it would make more sense for the parents to divide the money equally and give their daughter something else to show their appreciation.
No matter what they chose to do, it was ultimately their funds and their choice, but it was clear that this would create a rift between the siblings if the brothers did not deem the inheritance as “equal.”