Even those who pride themselves on their punctuality have been late once or twice in their life.
As sometimes things beyond our control result in our being late, despite leaving more than enough time.
It becomes more difficult to forgive tardiness when it is a common occurrence, or when the tardy individual doesn't show even the slightest bit of contrition.
The wife of Redditor Own_Luck_3968 sadly fell into the latter category.
Constantly returning home from a weekly gathering far later than she told the original poster (OP) she would be.
When this happened once again, on a day the OP told her she absolutely, positively could not be late, they were forced to take matters into their own hands.
Having some doubts about how they handled the situation, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for going to my wife's book club and giving her the kids?"
The OP explained how their wife's eternal tardiness resulted in their wife's book club having two unexpected visitors:
"My wife has a book club that meets up every Sunday at her friend's home."
"It is supposed to be a lunch thing, and she always tells me that she will be home around 3."
"Every single time she has been late, the worst was getting home at 7pm."
"They went on a shopping outing."
"I have talked to her multiple times and I have expressed it is disrespectful."
"I am fine watching the kids ( 8 and 10)."
"What I am not fine with is her lying to me about what time she will get home."
"It also just makes my life harder since she usually doesn't get home in time for me to hang out with my own friends, so I have to cancel."
"We both work, and the kids are in school."
"I am an active parent."
"I don't have a schedule to get out of the home time like my wife does."
"So yesterday, I made it very clear that she needs to be home before 4 at the latest because my Uncle is in town, and we are supposed to grab dinner before he heads back to his home state."
"Well she told me she would be home at 3 and at 3:45 she wasn't home."
"I drove to her friend's house with the kids."
"When her friend opened the door( it's around 4:15 now), my wife was there, and I handed off the kids to her."
"I told her I was going to meet my uncle and didn't answer any calls during dinner."
"I got home, and we got into a huge argument."
"She thinks I am a huge jerk for humiliating her in front of her friends."
"I told her this wouldn't have happened if she just came home on time."-
"AITA?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for showing up at their wife's book club and dropping off their kids.
Everyone agreed that the OP's wife blatantly broke her promise. Since she goes to her book club every week and the OP's uncle was in town for a limited amount of time, it was more than reasonable for the OP to drop their kids off at her book club.
"NTA."
"She backed you into a corner."
"She is the one who brought humiliation onto herself by disregarding your needs and going back on her word."
"You shouldn't have had to sacrifice time with your uncle."
"I don't think anything would have been solved by you sitting home one more time stewing and trying to talk to her about it again later."
"That wasn't working, and repeating the cycle wasn't going to end differently this time."
"To those saying you brought the kids into it, she is the one who forced your hand."
"I generally don't like this kind of solution, but it was the only option left when SHE wasn't playing fair."- Playful_Pianist_16
"NTA."
"What I'm seeing is her deciding she can do what she wants every single Sunday."
"She sets up a schedule with you then goes against it without warning or even the courtesy of telling you she will."
"You asked for 1 important thing, and she knew it, so she had no respect for it."
"She's mad she was embarrassed because she lied to you and her friends got to see it."- Colanasou
"NTA."
"Wife had already said she would have been home at 3:00."
"Nothing else had motivated her."- Having-hope3594
"NTA."
"My Mom did this to my Dad when they first got married and had kids."
"Dad had his hang-out time, and my Mom had hers, and she was tired of being late to hers cause Dad didn't want to leave the bar."
"So she loaded up my sister and brother and walked into the bar and handed my Dad my toddler sister and baby brother and told him if he was ever late again to expect a divorce cause her time was just as valuable as his."
"He was never late again, and they just celebrated 47 years of marriage last month."- MillieFrank
"NTA."
"You told her you needed her to take the kids by 4 pm."
"She was obviously not going to do that."
"It is disrespectful to be continually late."
"Once is an accident."
"Twice... yeah maybe you got caught up."
"But people who are continually late without even giving you a heads up are disrespectful and crappy people."- lovesorangesoda636
"NTA."
"Normally I wouldn't agree to such tactics, as I think embarrassing someone only makes a situation worse."
"But sometimes, it takes things like this to light a fire under someone's tail to make them realize their own shortcomings."
"Your wife was the one that failed to keep her end of things and what happened was a consequence of that action."
"If she doesn't want it to happen again, then she needs to be more respectful of your time and not act so inconsiderately."- Old_Inevitable8553
"NTA."
"You've asked her before to be home when she says."
"She keeps ruining your social time."
"She promised to come home by 4."
"She either deliberately chose to ignore you or accidentally stayed out later."
"Either way, she doesn't care about your asks."
"She deserved this."
"My only quibble is with the children."
"It can't have been fun for them."
"Are they ok?"- CornishSleuth
"NTA."
"If you are both working full time and equal parenting responsibilities it's not fair that she gets every Sunday to hang out with her friends while you are stuck with the kids."
"You need your free time to be social and decompress as well."
"She deserves to be embarrassed like that for not sticking to the agreed upon plan of her being home in time."
"You need to have a serious talk about how you are going to navigate your free time in the future."
"I could see this being a relationship ender if it's not resolved now."
"The resentment is already building in both of you."- buttpickles99
"NTA."
"Also, for those worried about the kids, it's not traumatizing to go for a car ride and be dropped off with the other parent."
"It doesn't sound like they had to witness a huge argument or anything."- jmbbl
"NTA."
"Hope she learns from this to just be honest about staying longer and communicating."
"Ignoring your calls is disrespectful, she has it coming."
"Don't feel bad at all."- YOLO_626
"NTA."
"She broke her word when she said she would be home by three."
"Sometimes humiliation can be a motivation to change."- Having-hope3594
"NTA."
"You communicated your plans clearly and gave your wife ample notice."
"Parenting is a partnership, and your time is just as valuable as hers."
"Dropping off the kids after she failed to uphold her end of the agreement doesn't make you an a**hole, it makes you someone standing up for your own time and commitments."-ParticularNational75
"Honestly glad you both have a social life."
"She's definitely in the wrong here but have you considered hiring a babysitter for Sunday afternoons so you both can schedule some friend time?"
"Or work on arranging play dates for your kids at their friend's homes?"
"As your wife sucks for ditching you, but this doesn't have to be a relationship struggle."
"It's supposed to be you two versus the problem, not you two versus each other."
"I'd be signing up for some therapy and working through this situation (because this lack of communication and respect needs to be dealt with directly) but also getting childcare in place so you both can have fun on weekends too."
"NTA."- ASlightHiccup
The fact is that the OP asked their wife to be home by 4 p.m., and she said she'd be home by 3 p.m.
Not only did she not fulfill her promise, but she didn't even begin to offer an apology when the OP showed up and saw her, with no intention of leaving despite already being late.
Understandably, she might have been humiliated by all this, but then again, as the OP told her, had she been on time, none of this would have happened.
New Mom Irate After Father-In-Law Ruins Her Birthday With 'Vulgar' Comment About Her Breasts
There's nothing quite like the feeling of going through all the work to prepare a fun celebration, just for someone to undo it with an unkind or gross comment.
That feeling just gets worse when it's your birthday, and that comment was made by someone who's supposed to care about you, sympathized the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor Rude-Pepper-2389 had recently given birth and decided to have a special birthday celebration to reconnect with her loved ones after becoming a mom.
When her father-in-law stopped by unexpectedly and then made comments about her body, the Original Poster (OP) was left so uncomfortable that it ruined the whole celebration for her.
She asked the sub:
The OP wanted to have a special birthday celebration after her baby was born.
"I currently have a five-month-old and haven’t really been taking care of myself or dressing up since having the baby."
"It’s my (25 Female) birthday, and we were having friends over at our house for a private dinner to celebrate."
"My husband (24 Male) and I have been together since we were 18."
"I decided to put on this new silk shirt I got, which, admittedly, was low-cut, but I felt cute in it and felt comfortable around the friends we were having over."
Everything was fine until the OP's father-in-law (FIL) stopped by unexpectedly.
"My husband's dad decided to stop by on his way home from work."
"I will say, he was likely drunk. He works two hours away and proudly told my husband he's down to only four beers on his drive home each day... so, that's healthy."
"When he came in, I was on the couch with my baby propped up beside me, bottle feeding him. Keep in mind, I am not breastfeeding, so no, my breasts are not any larger right now."
"My husband's dad leaned down to look at the baby and then suddenly shouted, 'D**n, son, she could knock you out with those things in bed! Like cracking two coconuts together.'"
"This was fully and undoubtedly in reference to my breasts."
The OP was shocked by the comment and very uncomfortable.
"It made me deeply uncomfortable and embarrassed."
"I was so stunned, I couldn’t even process what he said to me, and our friends just stared at me, blinking."
"He’s a redneck, so he's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years, but this just seems to take the cake, as it was the first time it was directed at me."
"When he stepped out, I told my husband he needed to speak to him, and that the comment wasn’t okay."
"I went to change clothes and decided to never ever wear that shirt again."
"When I brought it up to my husband, he said he didn't hear the comment at first, but then he laughed when I told him what he said. He's always laughed when he feels awkward and has always had a hard time standing up to his parents in any capacity."
"When he and my father-in-law spoke, my FIL just said, 'I shouldn’t have said that to her, I know how she can be,' which just feels even more like I’m just being dramatic."
"Since then, I think my husband just wants me to drop it and move on, truthfully."
The OP wasn't sure what to do after what happened.
"This genuinely ruined my entire night. Am I just too sensitive, or was this an inappropriate thing to say?"
"There's also been no apology since then. This happened on Thursday, and then my father-in-law came by again on Friday with flowers to wish me a happy Mother's Day before Mother's Day Sunday."
"I think that was his way of trying to just breeze past the awkwardness. He's never gotten me a gift the whole seven years I've known him, so the flowers were odd. But I still feel really uncomfortable."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that her father-in-law's comments were rude and just plain creepy.
"NOR at all. That was really rude of him. Anyone would be offended." - Bookbringer
"NOR. That’s firmly in the category of what should be an 'inside thought,' and we should learn what those are at a much younger age than this guy is."
"F**king h**l, this is an absolutely mental thing to say out loud, let alone to your daughter-in-law." - Electronic-Fennel828
"FIL is an AH. I love that you think his being a redneck excuses it, but d**n. Even rednecks should know better than to speak that way to their son's wife."
"What does your husband have to say? Does he understand how breath-takingly rude his father was, or is he Team 'That's Just How He Is'?"
"I'd go very low contact with the old perv. NOR, he put you in an uncomfortable position with his crude remark. Is he married? I'd tell the MIL. I'd tell the whole family. Yes, it's embarrassing, but he is the one who should be embarrassed. Don't accept his non-apology." - Top-Bit85
"Maybe I’m desensitized after having large breasts since I was 13 (I’m 28 now), but I let out a little snort based on how immature of a joke it was. I’d simply tell FIL, 'Yes, I know, my boobs are big,' and move on."
"That said, I would never make such a comment about another person's body. Just because I'm technically fine with it doesn't mean I assume anyone else is!"
"Not everyone is the same, and if OP felt uncomfortable, she’s NOR. Her body, her boundaries." - Both_Original2094
"I’m sorry. That’s upsetting. My father is like this with his father. Even if it’s very offensive comments, he’s uncomfortable and has problems confronting him. It sounds like your husband isn’t going to have a talk with him, which is hurtful."
"I would explain to your husband how uncomfortable the situation was for you and that it’s a serious matter, especially if it happens again. And if he still tries to brush it off, then I would tell him you no longer want your FIL coming to your home."
"It’s your life, too, and he’s not the one being hurt here, you are." - w_coastultraviolence
Others were specifically angry about the tactics the father-in-law used to try to get out of trouble.
"Seriously? Saying 'I know how she can be' is a classic way to blame the victim for having boundaries. It’s your birthday, not a Hooters convention. What a creep. If he can’t look at the baby without checking out your breast, he shouldn't be invited to the house." - Specific_Parsnip3264
"'I know how she can be' is so f**ked up. He's the one being a disgusting person. You need to shine up your husband's spine to properly call him out at the time next time, because there will be a next time." - dancepantz
"The bit that pisses me off the most is, 'I know how she can be,' which is his way of making it her problem that she doesn't like her FiL sexualising her in front of her friends." - Outside-Partait-8935
"The 'joke' comment is gross, but that follow-up comment is infuriating. NOR, OP. But this guy will be in your life for a while, so firmly & calmly shutting this stuff down is completely appropriate."
"I'd wear the d**n shirt again to the next family function and look him right in the eyes next time!" - RationalFish
"When we let things like this slide for others, it's not long before it ends up on our doorstep, and of course, nobody says anything because keeping the peace is the norm. It doesn't have to be getting into their face and yelling abuse back. Just a comment such as, 'Well, that's super tacky to say,' or asking them why they'd say that." - Kattnapped
"The OP said, 'He's said some pretty vulgar stuff over the years... but this is the first time it was directed to me.'"
"Normalise calling stuff out when they are talking about others, and they won't feel so comfortable saying it to you."
"It's a gross thing for him to say, but I guess him buying you flowers is his way of saying sorry."
"Sounds like you are in the situation of a lot of new mothers, where you suddenly realise this stuff matters because you want better influences for your child, and better support for yourself. NOR." - Jumpy-Jello-
Now, about that shirt...
"Please re-think your decision to never wear the cute shirt again, girl!! It's something that you liked very much because it made you feel good about yourself. Don't let some backwoods id**t ruin that for you."
"Wear that shirt till it's worn out and can't be worn anymore!! You should be able to feel good about yourself in whatever you like to wear."
"Your husband should have immediately checked his father, not waited until he was told to do so after his father left the room. In front of everyone there, your husband should have told his father not to ever speak about you or to you in that kind of manner, and if his father doesn't like it, he knows where the door is."
"Hubby should have called him out for his response as well. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You were not the problem; his dad was. This comes down to your husband needing to protect his wife, and he didn't do that." - Lynzo141982
"If he is a redneck, like you said, he won't outright apologize, but flowers are his way of saying sorry."
"I hope he won't say anything again, or else you can expect a nicely tended garden for at least a year."
"About your top, I hope you can wear it again. It takes a lot to feel cute, being a new mum."
"If not, get some fabric dye, dye the top a different color, and embroider a flower on it. This makes the top new, different, and every time you wear it, you can use the mantra ... I'm cute, I don't care what anyone says."
"You've got this!!" - No_Kangaroo_6637
Even if the father-in-law was joking and meant no harm, this is one of those situations where he needs to admit that his joke did not land well, he did cause harm, and he needs to apologize. Just because some people enjoy joking in that manner does not mean that everyone will be comfortable with it, and it's important to respect everyone's boundaries and zones of comfort.