One of the biggest debates in the midst of today’s culture wars is the discussion surrounding weight and body positivity.
Everybody is talking about it and most people don’t know how.
Nobody wants to hurt anyone’s feelings, but these conversations can get messy, fast.
Case in point…
Redditor Throwaway4x4n4 wanted to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
“AITA for telling my son that I was surprised his girlfriend was attracted to him?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My son 15 M[ale] has a girlfriend 16 F[emale] and they are an amazing couple. My son (Kayden) is a ‘stress eater’ and he is overweight.”
“His girlfriend (Cassi) is a lovely girl and she is like a model.”
“On to the story, it was Kayden’s birthday yesterday and there where a lot of leftovers.”
“Apparently Kayden had a ‘horrible nightmare’ and that stressed him out so much that he ate all of the leftovers + the remaining cake.”
“I was shocked and snapped at him when he told me what happened.”
“I said that he had embarrassed me for so long and he’s probably embarrassing his girlfriend and that he needs to stop making excuses and that I was shocked that his girlfriend was even attracted to him.”
“Kayden started to cry and stormed off. I assume he called his grandmother because she called me and blew up on me.”
“I admit that I may have gone too far but it’s the truth.”
“AITA For telling my son that I was shocked his girlfriend was attracted to him?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“You’re downright YTA.”
“You clearly lack self-awareness if you think you aren’t. Shaming him the day after his birthday is truly vicious and invidious.”
“It wasn’t beneficial to anyone and only made him dismayed. I don’t know how much food it is, but any amount of food won’t justify it.”
“It’s implicit from your post that you are self-centered and self-absorbed. You focused on how he embarrasses you and how it affects you.”
“You didn’t even care that it isn’t healthy. You didn’t care about the nutritional aspect.” ~ Compensate1995
“I can’t imagine why he has a disordered relationship with food.”
“What a horrible way to think about your child, let alone say it out loud.”
“She seriously thinks he has nothing to contribute to a relationship besides his waistline?”
“That’s really f**king sad. Don’t have children if you’re not even going to bother to get to know them.” ~ SnooHesitations9435
“Spelling it out for OP whose thick layer of denial will protect from understanding what you are getting at: because his mother is horrible to him, emotionally cold and emasculating, that’s why.”
“YTA, OP. You deserve to be embarrassed by the embodiment of your emotional abuse on your son.” ~ LeopoldineBel
“YTA. If I could type that in bigger letters I would.”
“What is wrong with you? Do you think he doesn’t know that he has a weight issue? Do you think he doesn’t know your love is conditional?”
“Try loving your son for who he is. Better yet, get him into therapy now and but out of his life until you can be a loving human being.” ~ Learning-evryday
“Plenty of people are stress eaters without being overweight.”
“For example, when I’m sad, I’ll end up sitting in a dark bedroom eating cold gravy from the pot with a spoon.”
“But in day to day life, I have the peace of mind to eat healthy and exercise occasionally.”
“The poor kid must be constantly harassed at home if he stress eats enough to make him drastically overweight.” ~ gggggrrrrrrrrr
“About 20 years ago, my then boyfriend and I were talking to my mom.”
“He mentioned having lost a few pounds and my mom looked me in the eye and said ‘I can see where it went.'”
“That was half my life ago and that crap still stings. Your kid is gonna remember this for a long time to come. Words have consequences.”
“YTA big time.” ~ Weatherbunny7
“YTA. Your son is struggling with emotional issues and your response is to body shame him? That’s incredibly cruel.”
“Also, why on Earth would you bring Cassi into this?”
“You have no idea why she likes your son. Probably because he’s a nice person and she isn’t so shallow as to fixate on how someone looks.”
“Also, a little odd of you to refer to a 16 year old child as ‘like a model.’”
“xxThank you to those who pointed out that Cassi could be attracted to him for his looks as well.”
“As an overweight person myself I have a lot of internalized fatphobia that I need to unpack.”
“Of course Cassi could be attracted to Kayden no matter what. My apologies for implying otherwise.” ~ liaodiaga
“I had a roommate in college – absolutely gorgeous, model material.”
“She liked men with a little more to love. She dated a few super nice guys that were all a but chubby and eventually met her regular BF who was a bigger dude, too.”
“It was so not an issue or a thing. There’s no such thing as universally attractive – people like different things.”
“My husband hates that his hair turned salt and pepper really early. It was actually the first thing I noticed about him as I dig silver hair.”
“OP, YTA and your standards don’t dictate the universe. What she did to her son was cruel.” ~ finntastic74
“YTA, that’s a horrible thing to say!”
“Yes stress eating is bad but you just killed his self esteem even more and probably made his stress worse too and he might even think you don’t love him either.”
“Have you talked to him about his stress eating and how it’s not healthy?”
“What about his primary care? Instead of insulting him try ‘why don’t we find a different way for you to deal with stress?'”
“A therapist or someone might be able to help.” ~ eevee135
Well Reddit had no problem holding back feelings.
That was a lot to unpack, for everybody.
The weight discussion is a very fragile subject, no matter what the relationship.
Hopefully our OP and their son can figure out the navigation.