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Parent Unsure Whether To Attend Son’s Wedding After Future DIL Spread Lies About Them To Family

A silhouette of a bride and groom.
Binoe/Getty Images

Not everyone has the same reaction upon learning of a friend or family member’s engagement.

The idea that someone has found a soul mate they want to spend the rest of their life with would seem to be a happy occasion.

However, others might disagree with the happy couple in that they are meant for one another.

Some might even feel that certain people are wrong, if not toxic, to one another.

Redditor Icy_Panda1807 found themselves uninvited from their son’s wedding, owing to to claims made by the original poster (OP)’s future daughter-in-law (DIL).

When the OP’s son gained more clarity on the situation, the OP found themselves re-invited to the wedding.

However, their tense relationship with their future daughter-in-law left them severely questioning whether or not they even wanted to attend the wedding.

Wondering if they would be in the wrong for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be The A**hole” (WIBTA), where they asked fellow Redditors:

“WIBTA if I didn’t go to my sons wedding that I was reinvited too?”

The OP explained why they didn’t feel compelled to attend their son’s wedding:

‘This is about my son Ryan.”

“When Ryan was a senior in college he informed me one of his one night stands told him she was pregnant.”

“I informed him that he should get a DNA test to be sure that he is the father.”

“So he did that and when he the result came back he started to date her since he was the father.”

“The women, Shelly, has never liked me.”

“The first time I met her she made a comment about how I must think so little of her to convince Ryan to get a DNA test.”

“The relationship started on a horrible note.”

“Shelly integrated into the family and our relationship didn’t warm up.”

“Overall I just avoided her for the most part.”

“I was civil at events but we were not buddies.”

“They got in engaged about a two years ago.”

“Around last Halloween Shelly was telling the family I was saying horrible things about her.”

“I wasn’t.”

“It was my word against her and my son gave me an ultimatum.”

“That I apologize or I won’t be invited to the wedding.”

“I refused to apologize for something I didn’t do, so I was uninvited to their wedding.”

“At Christmas she told the family that if I was invited then they will not go.”

“Big drama and the family split the festivities into two days.”

“My sister and husband have been on my side for all of this.”

“The wedding is in two weeks.”

“I received a call from Ryan last night. It boiled down to that Shelly admitted to lying to him.”

“That she saw how sad he was that I wouldn’t be at the wedding and told him the truth.”

“He reinvited me to the wedding and I told him I am unsure and will think about it.”

“I don’t want to go to the wedding for a few reason.”

“I don’t support the wedding, I don’t wish to be around my future DIL, I am very mad that she did this in the first place, my reputation in the family has been affected by her lies and finally she hasn’t apologized.”

“The truth is getting around the rest of the family and opinions are split.”

“Some think I would be a jerk for not going and others think I am justified in not going.”

“Also I am unsure if I want a relationship with Ryan if he is with Shelly.”

“All the family know she lied, my son cleared that up with everyone so my reputation is clear in that.”


Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole for choosing not to attend their son’s wedding.

Everyone agreed that if the OP didn’t support or condone their son’s marriage, then they had every right to skip it.

Many pointed out that Ryan did not offer an apology but merely acknowledged Shelley lied.

“‘Son I want you to think about exactly who you’re marrying’.”

“‘She lied about your mother, demanded an apology, affected your mental health, and now hasn’t even had the decency to call the family or me to tell the truth and apologize’.”

“‘She did all that because I wanted you to know those children were yours when you had no relationship with her to cement trust’.”

“‘If you want me there, I want an apology at minimum’.”

“Honestly, the divorce is around the corner. Sad but true, this is going to fester like a rotten boil in his mind unless he really is that callous of a person.”

“NTA.”- BriefHorror


“I wonder if you should / could have another discussion with Ryan.”

“IDK how much really came out during that first call when he wanted to re-invite you.”

“While it’s good that she came clean, it’s 2 weeks before their wedding and they have some things to sort out of if she’d go to such extremes to separate him from his family, and it’s sad sign for your relationship with him that he’d be willing to go along with it without seeing for himself what she claimed you were doing.”

“It seems like there is more to hash out here to repair and heal between the two of you, and you should get to explain to him that while you are grateful to be reconnecting with him and to have had the truth come out, you still are not comfortable being around her.”

“I also think it would be fair to tell him, apologetically, that you wish you could support the marriage but you just can’t at this point in time, and that if he does proceed you wish him well.”

“Obviously, they should be postponing to address the issues in their relationship.”

“I can’t imagine how he could ever trust her again.”

“What a sad way to get started as a couple.”- owls_and_cardinals

“Shelly and OP have not gotten along for a while.”

“Shelly lied, and there was an estrangement of OP from her son that split the family.”

“A wedding is NOT a place for a reconciliation.”

“If Ryan wants to reconcile with his mom, he and Shelly need to start talking to OP on neutral ground, and take it very slowly.”

“OP was hurt.”

“She was defamed by Shelly and deserves an apology, but Shelly should also apologize to the family for spreading these lies.”

“OP, tell your son, that the wedding in not the place for a reconciliation.”

“And if he wants one, after learning about Shelly’s behavior, other things have to happen.”


“P S: You were right in asking for the paternity test.”

“I would counsel any male who had a one night stand with a women and then found out of a pregnancy, to do the same.”- Aggravating-Pain9249


“You didn’t do anything wrong!?”

“Shelly honestly needs to apologise to you and also needs to come clean to the rest of the family about the lying.”

“She had no right tarnishing your reputation just because you had the mature idea for your son to get a DNA test on a child that a ONE-NIGHT STAND claimed to be his.”

“You didn’t think less of her; it’s just the normal and mature thing to do when it comes to a one-night stand with someone you don’t know well.”

“This boils my blood.”

“I honestly hope things can work out because it would be a shame to miss your son’s wedding, but at the end of the day, you don’t have to go to anything you don’t feel comfortable and fully welcomed at.”

“Your son did seem to want you there though.”

“Hope it all goes well and you get the apology you deserve.”- sosalover03

“Shelly spreading lies about you, and not even apologizing is a perfectly good reason not to go.”

“It would also be a perfectly good reason not to marry her.”

“How is your son ok with this?”

“NTA.”- thumpmyponcho

The OP eventually returned to reveal they had come to a decision as to whether or not they would attend Ryan’s wedding:

“I have decided not to go.”

“I don’t believe it will be good for me, and I will explain to Ryan why I am choosing this.”

“I also don’t think a wedding is the time to reconcile.”

“I also will explain that receiving no apology from either of them factors into my decision.”

“Even if I got one now, I still will not go since I know it is forced.”

“He is an adult; he will need to take the first steps to fix this, not me.”

“For anyone that was asking, my husband already didn’t plan to go.”

“His siblings will make their own choices, and his aunt isn’t going.”

“I don’t know about the rest of the family.”

Most parents dream of the day they finally get to attend their child’s wedding, and very few people can imagine getting married without their children present.

However, even if Shelley and the OP didn’t get off to the best start, Shelley also seems completely disinterested in sustaining any kind of relationship with the OP.

Likewise, should such a situation arise, Ryan seems most likely to always take Shelley’s side.

If Ryan wants the OP at their wedding, he will have to assess his relationships very carefully while there’s still time.

Written by John Curtis

A novelist, picture book writer and native New Yorker, John is a graduate of Syracuse University and the children's media graduate program at Centennial College. When not staring at his computer monitor, you'll most likely find John sipping tea watching British comedies, or in the kitchen, taking a stab at the technical challenge on the most recent episode of 'The Great British Baking Show'.