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Parent Refuses To Support Daughter’s Dream Of Only Being A Stay-At-Home Mom


Children are told to dream big for their futures.

The world tells them they can be anything they want to be.

Then a parent says… “Within reason.”

Normally that parent could be looked at as a downer.

But could they have valid points?

Case in point…

Redditor anallstar wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

They asked:

“AITA for telling my daughter that I absolutely do not support her ONLY wanting to be a Stay-At-Home-Mom?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I don’t have a problem with the idea of parents who stay home with their kids.”

“It’s not like that.”

“I get that childcare is expensive, and that often times it just makes sense.”

“What I have a problem with is my teenage daughter literally planning her life to only become a S[tay] A[t] H[ome] M[om].”

“As in, no college, no jobs, no certifications, nothing at all to support herself until that time might come.”

“I told her that it doesn’t have to be college, that not everyone needs college.”

“But that she needs to do something to start making money to put away so that, if anything goes wrong with her plan, she has a way to support herself and the potential kids.”

“Her feedback was that her backup plan was me and my husband — she would move in with us and go from there.”

“We would help them survive.”

“I told her then, what happens if we die, or we’re incapacitated?”

“She said ‘I don’t know, Mom, this is ridiculous, none of it is going to happen.'”

“I told her bluntly that I don’t want her becoming Nancy Botwin 2.0.”

“That if something happens, she needs to have a backup plan and something behind her other than relying on other people.”

“I emphasized that again, it does not need to be college.”

“She can start working retail to learn customer service skills that she can carry onto doing call center work from home if need be.”

“She can start working as a receptionist somewhere, she can do any number of things.”

“But she says no, she’s going to plan to be a SAHM.”

“With that all in mind, I asked her, when she graduates high school, what is she going to do?”

“She said ‘Just try to find a husband. Maybe marry someone in the military.'”

“I asked her again, in between that time, how is she going to pay her bills? Her rent?”

“She said she assumed she would be living at home.”

“I told her no, and that she would be moving out.”

“She could live at home if she gets a job or tries to get some kind of community college degree or certification.”

“But that if she insists on being a deadbeat loser and waiting for a man to come and rescue her, she’s on her own.”

“This didn’t go over well, and I am now being held up as totally unreasonable, mean, a huge *itch, etc.”

“I don’t think I’m wrong at all.”

“I want to set her up for a lifetime of success and happiness.”

“If this wonderful man who comes and whisks her away, knocks her up, etc, gets injured or dies, I don’t want to have her come knocking at our door because she can’t afford to take care of herself.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA, her expectations for life are unrealistic.”

“You’re doing your part as a parent and showing her that.”

“Her entitlement is astounding.” ~ thanudeastronomer

“She might be willing to get the certifications for working at a daycare.”

“If she really only wants to be a SAHM, she could practice taking care of children, have an income, and a fallback if her life plan doesn’t work out all while doing what she loves.”

“If that doesn’t work out, maybe she’ll realize she wants something else for herself.”

“And if it does work out, she’s got some money and experience. NTA.”  ~ parad0xysms

“Have her train for free with all the places she will need to have skills in for being a mother.”

“Volunteer at schools for each age group with the kids that need help.”

“The kids that are disabled and the high energy kids, after she needs to volunteer at a childcare centre, then she needs to tutor older kids, take some just normal cooking classes.”

“Volunteer at all sorts of services like shelters.”

“Work with cleaning staff, taxi people around, do groceries with seniors and so forth.”

“If she can do all this happily and with no pay because she will need to learn money management from her parents as the money coming in is not what she would earn as a SAHM.”

“She needs to sit with them when they pay bills.”

“Learn to budget one income, so forth.”

“Then I would say she’s ready for her life choice.”

“But during that at least she’s learning some useful skills.” ~ peanutgoddess

“Agree with the three above.”

“And on top of this, OP, you should find some young SAHMs in your neighborhood who didn’t get college degrees and have her go talk to them.”

“Also offer her services babysitting for them because they’ll definitely need a break. NTA.”  ~ usernaym44

“She may very well discover she hates kids.”

“I worked with kids for ~5 years and as a kid myself I’d always figured I would eventually have my own.”

“But that 5 years in hell really changed my mind.”

“I no longer want kids.”

“A few years of changing shi**y nappies and, hell, cleaning up after a guy, might both change her mind.” ~ Co**DaddyKaren

“Agreed, and it may cause her to radically adjust her plans when she finds out how freaking hard it is to take care of littles for a few hours, let alone 24/7.”

“I suspect she wants to be a SAHM because she thinks it’s easy and wants to just cruise through life having a husband support her while she sits in the general vicinity of their children and calls it parenting.” ~ QualifiedApathetic

“NTA. In high school, I also wanted to be a SAHM.”

“Unfortunately, that’s not where my life took me.”

“I’m 33, single, and childless.”

“Sometimes our plans don’t work out and that’s ok.”

“She really needs to make a plan to be able to take care of herself regardless of becoming a SAHM.” ~ acreativeaccountant

“Agreed. I’m 33 and I just became a mom.”

“If you had asked me when I was 18 I would have guessed I would have become a mother sooner.”

“Being a SAHM is a blessing, but it’s something you potentially plan for once the baby is on the way, in my opinion.”

“I got my degree, worked multiple jobs throughout my twenties, opened a business, etc.”

“It’s unrealistic to just wait until SAHM status presents itself.”

“Plus I feel like she’d be hard pressed to find a guy that supports her desire throughout the (I assume) years of dating/marriage that typically takes place before a baby enters the picture.” ~ laranita

“I wasn’t planning to be a SAHM in high school, but I sure as hell thought I’d be married by now.”

“At 28, I’ve got two degrees, a career, and can comfortably support myself.”

“If I was sitting around waiting for someone to take care of me this whole time, I’d be pretty disappointed.” ~ AntebellumEm

“At 17 my life goal was to be a SAHM with 12 kids by the time I was 30.”

“I realized how unrealistic that was before the end of my first semester of university lol.”

“Now I’m 35, I didn’t have my first kid until I was 30, I have a career and am getting my Masters.”

“My life now is unrecognizable to my 17 year old self.”

“But I’m happy with the direction my life took.”

“And I also know now, as much as I love my children I don’t have the temperament to be a SAHM to my kids, at least when they’re young.”

“I was desperate to return from my first 1 year Maternity leave (Canadian) and I actually ended my second Maternity leave early last month and returned to working (from home).”

“If I become a full time SAHM, it won’t be until my oldest is close to high school age.” ~ Fairykinn

“NTA I’ll admit I was ready to say you were the a**hole being a stay at home wife myself.”

“There is nothing wrong with being a stay at home partner if you and your partner agree, but you are right that can’t be her only option.”

“That’s how you get into abusive situations when you are completely dependant on your partner to survive.”

“I may not have a college degree but I do have experience in sales and tech support and if I needed out I could do it.”

“Also her back up plan of just falling back on you makes her sound extremely entitled and spoiled.”

“Sounds like she needs a bit of a wake up.” ~ Vallaris24

OP returned to let everyone they’re listening…

“ETA: Ohhhh my God, I posted this when I was SUPER agitated and walked away and forgot about it and came back to see all of the responses.”

“Holy s**t. Give me a few minutes to catch up. Damn.”

Well OP, Reddit is with your decisions.

This is quite a situation.

Maybe some serious counseling is in order.

Career counseling and mental health.

Stay strong and good luck.