Narrowing down the guest list for your wedding is always going to be a challenge.
With that being said, most family members tend to breathe a little easy that they’re sure to get an invite.
But that isn’t always the case.
Sometimes people choose to have very small weddings, with immediate family only, resulting in some distant cousins, aunts and uncles being left off the guest list, with no harm or malice intended.
On less happy occasions, however, people may find themselves deliberately excluded from a wedding owing to something they may have said or done in the past.
Redditor FindomTessa was finalizing the guest list for her wedding.
Which did not include a certain member of the original poster (OP)’s family.
Upon hearing of this exclusion, the OP’s parents threatened not to come.
It was a threat that didn’t have much bearing on the OP.
Wondering if it was wrong for her to feel this way, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for refusing to invite my estranged sister to my wedding despite my parents’ threats?”
The OP explained why she was willing to risk her parents missing her wedding:
“I 28 F[emale] have a younger sister, Emma 25 F, who I have been distant from for the last two years.”
“During our childhood, Emma was very adept at manipulation.”
“She repeatedly deceived our parents to get me into trouble, and her dishonesty reached its worst when she said I was stealing money from them when I didn’t, resulting in me being grounded for the whole summer.”
“As we became adults, she didn’t improve.”
“During family gatherings, she would instigate arguments, circulate gossip, and overall create a sh*tty and unwelcoming atmosphere for everyone.”
“The final straw was when she told our relatives that I was marrying solely for my fiancé’s wealth, which is entirely false and very rude, distasteful, and painful.”
“Following that event, I severed ties with her. It was a tough choice, but I believed it was needed for my mental wellbeing because that night hurt a lot.”
“Recently, Emma contacted me to apologize, saying that she’s transformed and wishes to restore our relationship to even stronger than it was before.”
“A part of me wishes to trust her, but her past dishonesty makes me cautious, and honestly, I don’t have the guts to believe her (as much as I want to).”
“Also, my parents are urging me to ask Emma to the wedding.”
“They hold strong conservative views and think that family should always take precedence, regardless of circumstances.”
“They believe the wedding might provide an opportunity for reconciliation between her and me.”
“Nonetheless, I’m afraid that she might create chaos and completely ruin the wedding.”
“My fiancé backs me in any decision I make and also shares my worries about possible conflict.”
“The situation got worse when my parents said they would not come to the wedding if Emma is not invited.”
“This seems like emotional manipulation, and it’s breaking me down, and I don’t know what to do.”
“I care for my parents and have always envisioned their presence on my special day, but I also refuse to be compelled to invite someone who has caused me significant pain.”
“To make it even more complicated, our wedding budget is restricted, and our guest list is already at its limit.”
“Inviting Emma would involve excluding someone else, such as a good friend, which feels unfair.”
“Should I offer her a second chance or prioritize my peace on my wedding day?”
“AITA for not inviting my estranged sister to my wedding, even if it could result in my parents not attending?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to invite Emma to her wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s parents were once again using emotional manipulation on her and thought that her wedding would probably be a happier occasion without her there, and would definitely be a happier occasion without Emma there:
“‘Once again, you have let her manipulate you into being against me’.”
“‘I think it would be best if none of you come to my wedding’.”
“‘Maybe in a few years we can try to connect again, but my wedding is not the place to test it and is one of the last times you could have chose me instead of once again asking me to be the bigger person’.”
“NTA.”- LindonLilBlueBalls
“DEFINITELY NTA.”
“Your sister is crazy if she thinks she deserves an invite after the years of torture she put you through, and that definitely did seem like emotional manipulation from your parents.”
“If it were me and they were making claims like that because I didn’t invite my sister, who I cut ties with YEARS AGO, I would officially take back their invite.”
“It sounds to me like they don’t deserve you more of your time and love.”- grace__11
“NTA.”
“Just a thought.”
“She goes from this:
“‘The final straw was when she told our relatives that I was marrying solely for my fiancé’s wealth’.”
“To this:”
“‘Recently, Emma contacted me to apologize, saying that she’s transformed and wishes to restore our relationship to even stronger than it was before’.”
“She just wants the Christmas gifts, the vacations, etc etc, that come with you marrying into wealth.”
“Think about it.”
“If your fiancé wasn’t wealthy, would she bother to reach out and apologize?”
“You said that all of your life she has been manipulative.”
“This is a textbook example of that.”
“She wants a ‘stronger’ relationship than before, but did you guys even have a relationship before?”
“She’s thinking about her and what she can get out of your marriage.”
“Stick to your guns, OP.”
“This is a hill to die on.”- slap-a-frap
“NTA.”
“You’ll notice that the complaints about ‘how can you do that to family?’ will never, ever apply to Emma doing awful things to you, just to you reacting to her appropriately.”- CattleprodTF
“NTA.”
“It goes without saying your sister is a nightmare.”
“Wanting to restore your relationship to ‘stronger than it was before’ is pretty silly, considering it was not strong at all, and that any strength was likely due to your repeatedly letting her off the hook for being horrible.”
“The manipulation your parents are pulling is, IMO, more unforgivable.”
“They are signaling that your feelings don’t matter.”
“Of course you’ve pictured them at your wedding, but ask yourself if you want someone there who has so little regard for your emotional well-being.”- dlabsx
“NTA.”
“As a fellow survivor of a manipulative sibling, absolutely NTA.”
“This wedding is about you and your fiance, not about family drama.”
“They would absolutely make your day about themselves.”
“I would let your family know that you would be more than willing to reconnect with her AFTER the wedding and honeymoon.”
“That you don’t want to add any extra stress during this very important time.”
“Lie if you must.”
“If your parents can’t accept this, it’s on them, not you.”- wifeofad*ck
“NTA.”
“Your sister has not changed at all.”
“You know this deep down.”
“And we all know this because she’s now getting your parents to miss your wedding.”
“Your sister is loving this.”
“Keep her on no contact.”
“If your parents don’t come, then invite two more people to take their place.”
“Create a life with your husband away from all that toxic and manipulative BS.”
“I know you love your parents, but they have picked your sister over and over again, and they are doing it now.”
“Step away from them to save your sanity.”- CSurvivor9
“NTA.”
“Explain to your parents why you don’t want her there.”
“If they don’t then come that’s on them and is their problem, not yours.”
“If your sister does come, you and your fiancée will be on high alert all day waiting for her to cause chaos, even if she doesn’t.”
“It’s your special day, and you want to make it as happy as possible.”
“She does not deserve an invite, and family that traumatizes and manipulates you should definitely be sidelined.”
“If she really wants to make it up to you, she can do that after the wedding.”- Cautious_Gazelle7718
“NTA ask your parents why it is that every time they have a choice, they choose your sister when she has been the one lying and causing division.”
“If your sister is sincere in her apology, she will respect that you don’t want her at your wedding.”
“She will take the opportunity to prove she has changed and perhaps you can then have confidence in her sincerity and wish to change.”- Individual_Metal_983
It seemed that Emma was simply determined to make the OP’s life miserable.
Leaving one to wonder why she had such a sudden change of heart, and wanting to attend a wedding she already made clear she wasn’t in support of.
It seems clear, and rightfully so, that the OP could ultimately live with the possibility of her parents not being at her wedding.
What the OP’s parents must decide is if they’re really willing to sacrifice their relationship with their daughter.