A prenuptial agreement is a “legal contract entered into before marriage that outlines the division of assets, property, and spousal support in case of divorce or death.”
It protects individual assets—such as past or future inheritances, premarital assets, or business ownership—and can simplify the process of legal separation or divorce by predetermining the financial terms.
A mother concerned for her son’s future turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending romantic relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
Tough_Echo_6697 asked:
“AITAH for not financially contributing to my son’s wedding unless he gets a prenup?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My husband (61, male) and I (62, female) are in a very comfortable position financially. I retired recently as senior VP of a tech company and my husband had a successful company that he sold very profitably.
“We have a daughter (34, female) and son (30, male). My hubby and I paid for both our kids’ college degrees including masters and both kids are professionally succesful.”
“Our daughter got married 2 years ago and she had a court wedding followed by dinner at a restaurant with less than 25 people including us and groom’s parents. She and my son-in-law paid for it. Asked for no help.”
“My hubby and I gave them $25K as wedding gift. They were buying a house at the time and we thought a cash gift would be helpful for them.”
“Our son got engaged a few months ago. He and my DIL-to-be (30, female) are busy planning their wedding. We were considering paying for their honeymoon as gift.”
“His fiancée works for an insurance company and my son is a doctor, currently doing his residency. They don’t have a ton of money and we were a bit surprised when we heard about some of the wedding plans.
“My DIL-to-be wants to have her ‘dream day’ in a castle like hotel venue, with 250 people (she has a large family) and her budget is around USD 80K not including honeymoon. She has a favorite Vera Wang dress already picked out.”
“Her family cannot afford to pay for any of this and she is still paying off her student loans. All of these plans were shared when they came over to stay with us for the weekend.”
“My son was silent and DIL-to-be did most of the talking.”
“I shared we would love to gift their honeymoon and take that off their plate. My son was like ‘that’s amazing, thank you Mom and Dad, we would appreciate that a lot’ and DIL-to-be sort of had a pursed lip expression and didn’t say anything.”
“She was dating my son when my daughter got married and is fully aware of how my daughter did her wedding despite both my daughter and her fiancé being in a significantly better financial position.”
“Anyway, my DIL-to-be cornered me in the kitchen next morning. She started by asking me what I thought about her wedding ideas.”
“I said the ideas were nice, but not sure if its affordable. She goes like, it would be affordable, if my husband and I can help. I was like, how so?”
“She goes on to say, that my husband and I certainly have the money to be able to pay for everything, the full 80K and then the honeymoon of course would be very nice. She adds, since we didn’t have to spend any money on my daughter’s wedding, we can hopefully put that also into my son’s instead.”
“I simply said, I will talk to my husband and let both of them know. She looked visibly annoyed at this and said, you don’t look like someone who needs her husband’s permission to access money, that if I wanted to help my son, I can just decide to do it.”
“I was pretty pissed at this point and left the room without responding and avoided her until they left.”
“This whole conversation had all my alarm bells ringing. I didn’t have any issues with her until now. To be fair, we haven’t spent a ton of time together. My job kept me very busy until 6 months ago.”
“I discussed it with my husband and he agreed with me. We had a private conversation with my son and shared what happened. He looked pretty sad and told us she has been asking him to make the request of us. And that he said no, as he knew it wasn’t a right expectation.”
“My husband asked point blank if he is getting a prenup and my son said no. I said considering that my future DIL went over my son’s head to ask his mom for money, he would be stupid not to get one.”
“He kept saying we are judging her too harshly based on one incident. He thinks we are runining his engagement by making his wife-to-be seem like a gold digger.”
“He apparently doesn’t expect us to pay, just doesn’t want this incident to get in the way of wedding plans. We didn’t ask him how they are going to pay for the wedding, but worry that he is going to take personal loans or something.”
“They haven’t set a wedding date yet, considering future DIL’s plans, wedding is at least a year away. We feel strongly our son should at least sit down with a lawyer and hear out the pros/cons of having a prenup.”
“My son pointed out that my husband and I never got one. But we both had similar values coming into our marriage, unlike his fiancée and him.”
“We proposed that if he gets a prenup, we will pay $25K towards wedding. We also took the honeymoon gift off the table.”
“My son said we are being a**holes. I said I was OK being an a**hole if that means protecting my son from his own stupidity.”
“Are my husband and I a**holes for proposing to contribute to the wedding only if my son gets a prenup?”
The OP later added:
“I had no idea a Vera Wang dress alone could cost $25K. I own no designer clothes.”
“Bought a Dior belt for $600 as a birthday gift to myself few years ago. That’s probably my most expensive clothing/bag/accessory (apart from a few pieces of jewelery my husband gave as anniversary/bday gifts and none of those are worth 25K).”
“My daughter bought her wedding dress for less than 2K.”
“Generally speaking, I am not one to insist prenup is required in all cases. Ideally, we should only marry people we can trust 100%.”
“If this issue didn’t come up, my husband and I would have had no concerns whatsoever and wouldn’t even have thought to bring it up.”
“We gave the gift to our daughter and son-in-law after the wedding, right before dinner. There was no discussion before. I guess we could follow that approach with our son. Money is not the issue here, it’s the principle.”
“I know I am stubborn, but I really dislike entitled people. My husband is even firmer on these things. It’s the principle that matters.”
“Unless this woman shows some sincere self awareness/regret, my husband and I won’t deal with her. I am scared for my son, but we will hold him accountable to handle this scenario himself if he wants to be an idiot.”
“My husband and I are worth ~$15M. And we don’t intend to pass most of it to our kids. The prenup is to protect our son from a spouse with bad financial judgement and clearly an entitlement over his parent’s money.”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were split in their judgment of OP (NTA, YTA, ESH).
“Wow. She is immensely disrespectful on so many levels to you, your husband and your son. I think you need to step back from the prenup talk. It may drive a wedge between you and your son and the likelihood is high he’ll need a shoulder to cry on later when his marriage falls apart.”
“You’ve made the offer of the honeymoon, stand by it. Hopefully he wakes up before the wedding or too many deposits are put down. I agree with you, I suspect the ‘dream’ wedding is only an option for her because she’s been eyeing your wallet for a minute, but you won’t get him to see that.”
“He has to realize it on his own. Let him percolate on what has happened and how his bride to be is already disrespecting his wishes and going behind his back to get what she wants.”
“If he takes loans … well, he’ll learn a valuable lesson. You’ve given him all the tools for a very successful life and it’s on him to use them. Let’s hope the divorce happens before a baby does. NTA.” ~ thebabes2
“NTA. You’re good, and made a generous offer.”
“Tell Little Miss Insta-dream that you treat your kids equally, and are happy to contribute the same to your son as your daugher—25k. Also that you would love to talk to her family and see what THEY are going to be contributing.”
“Hopefully this will piss her off enough for your son to notice and finally kick her to the curb.”
“You KNOW that her demands for ‘lifestyle’ won’t end with the wedding. Next a car, a downpayment on a house, kids’ tuition at a fancy lad school…. better to nip it in the bud now.” ~ Samwry
“I get where you’re coming from, but real talk: what you are doing is a terrible strategy, and it will backfire. Your son proposed to this woman.”
“If you try to force a prenup by dangling money over his head, it makes you the villain, and he isn’t going to take your concerns seriously.”
“Do what you want, but if you want your son to actually listen to you, this is stupid.” ~ celery-mouse
“YTA. Give the $25,000 because that is what your daughter received. Then let him make his own financial decisions.”
“Pushing a prenup on him will make him defend her more and push you away. Treat him like an adult and he will hopefully see her and this ridiculous wedding for what she and it seems to be to us.” ~ OkManufacturer767
“ESH except your kid. Your soon-to-be DIL was completely wrong to demand money and an immediate answer.”
“But their financial arrangements are none of your business.”
“Offer the same cash gift you offered your daughter on the same terms. It’s up to them if they’d prefer to use it for the wedding itself, a honeymoon, or a home.” ~ Inevitable-Place9950
“ESH. Quite frankly, I hope your son is not my doctor because I don’t trust his judgment. You need to let him make his own choices, though.”
“I agree with giving them $25,000 since that is what you gave your daughter. If you want to pay for a honeymoon, give them an additional $5,000 and then give your daughter the same amount. Maybe her husband and she would like to go on a trip.”
“As for your son losing his money, that’s his choice. Structure his inheritance carefully so the wife has no access, or if something happens to him, his portion goes to his kids with your daughter as trustee.”
“If future DIL brings it up again, simply tell her no. Tell her you are very upset that she’s pressuring you for money. You don’t want to alienate your son and his new wife, but the topic is closed.” ~ 24601moamo
OP has a lot of varying opinions to draw from, but a few things can be gleaned from them all.
OP can decide what she wants to do with her own money—gift it, don’t gift it—but her son gets to decide what to do with his life.