It’s becoming more widely recognized how expensive the wedding industry is to navigate, not even for the bride, but for her bridesmaids.
It’s been a long-time complaint that bridesmaids are often placed in dresses that they will never want to wear again, pointed out the members of the “Am I Overreacting?” (AIO) subReddit. But we need to talk more about the fact that many of these dress options encourage body-shaming and pressure women to lose weight before these events.
Redditor Mediocre_Rutabaga_94 was excited to start planning for her wedding day, and she was eager for her best friend to be by her side on her special day.
But when her best friend declined because of her weight and the pressure she’d feel to lose weight before the wedding, the Original Poster (OP) was hurt and heartbroken for her friend.
She asked the sub:
“Am I overreacting for being heartbroken that my best friend declined to be my Maid of Honor because she’s self-conscious about her weight?”
The OP loved her best friend and wanted her to be part of her special day.
“I (25 Female) love my bestie (25 Female). She’s currently living in Canada while I’m back home in America.”
“On a video chat, I asked her to be my Maid of Honor.”
“I was stunned when she declined because of her weight.”
“I was so stunned, so all I said was, ‘Okay.'”
The OP really hoped that her best friend would change her mind.
“I messaged her on Instagram, hoping that it was a momentary lapse in judgment or an ill-timed joke.”
“But she was serious. She’s right that I’ve never been obese. That I’ve never even been overweight. So I can’t say how she feels.”
“I’ve been crying because she said no. I love her so much, and I want her there on my big day.”
You can see their first text messages here:
The OP reached out to her best friend on Instagram:
“I want to follow up on the video chat. I didn’t know how to react to you saying no.”
“Are you punking me, or did you really mean it that you won’t be my Maid of Honor because of your weight?”
“No cap, please be serious.”
The OP’s best friend stuck to her answer.
“I’m 100 percent serious.”
“I appreciate the offer, but I have declined.”
“Your wedding is too last-minute. March of 2026 is too short of a time to expect me to get wedding-ready.”
The OP tried to reassure her friend:
“What kind of bridezilla do you take me for?”
“I want my best friend at my wedding, no matter her size.”
The OP’s best friend refused to change her mind.
“You’re sweet, but you don’t get it. If you ever become obese, you’ll understand.”
“I’m not wishing obesity on you. Trust me, you don’t want to understand.”
“The best I can do is to come as a guest. Even that is very hard for me.”
You can see their second batch of text messages here:
The OP was hurt by her friend’s decision.
“Okay, but you’re never allowed to complain that you weren’t my Maid of Honor.”
“Also, I will be your Maid of Honor when the time comes. I’m not joking.”
The OP’s friend was not confident.
“Hopefully, one day, I can lose the weight, get a man, and then get married.”
“Am I overreacting?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NOR: Not Overreacting
- YOR: You’re Overreacting
Some reassured the OP that she was justified in her disappointment.
“NOR. And neither is she. This is a situation where both things can be true at once: her feelings/reasoning for not wanting to be in the wedding are valid (albeit sad), and you’re allowed to feel upset about it.”
“I hope both of you can manage holding space for the others’ emotions.” – bearoffire
“Every time someone says something hateful about larger bodies or says that bigger people being confident and present is ‘promoting obesity,’ I think about people like this friend and the person I was before I stopped treating my body fat like a demon whose sole purpose was to ruin my life.”
“I hate this so much for you and for your friend, and I hope you can find a low-pressure way for her to be involved as a VIP guest.” – Crafty_Criticism5338
“The poor thing. She really hates herself. It’s very sad because she’s self-limiting her own life. You did all you could, OP. I hope she finds peace.” – galacticprincess
“For me, the honesty stands out. How much love and trust must there be for this friend to be able to outright decline and say that?”
“I would feel like the world’s biggest monster and a horrible friend, and might force myself to do it even if it made me miserable. It would be impossibly hard to say that to a good friend. A lot of trust here.”
“I wish she didn’t feel that way, though. I’m sad for her.” – JefeRex
“It’s not overreacting to have strong emotions to this. It’s painful on multiple levels. It would cross the line to overreact if you made your feelings her problem.”
“She’s partially protecting herself here from months of fear and anxiety over her weight, which sounds like it’s already a huge mental burden on her. She was honest with you, which probably wasn’t easy for her. I’ve gone through some intense weight gain and loss, and it does a number on your head.”
“A friend once said something that stuck with me, ‘Living in a body that people hate is too much. I tried for years and burned out like a dying star.'” – DragonBallDoge
Others understood why the OP’s friend declined and had similar experiences.
“These are no longer the days when social events happened, and the heart of the matter, and a few formal photographs were all there was.”
“Now we have mercilessly high definition photos and public displays to social media audiences that can be very unkind. There’s nothing wrong with the friend preferring not to be showcased for the event, and I hope the bride can recognize that.” – jessica8jones
“Every photo goes to social media, regardless of how awful the angle is. As the Maid of Honor, you are going to be in a lot of photos, many of which you will have no control over the final cut of. Some of those will live on forever in photo albums, on Facebook, etc.”
“I know it’s easy to tell people to just get over it, but it truly does feel awful when you are the one experiencing it.” – Moon-MoonJ
“The image of my failure to control my binge eating is immortalized on social media and shoved in everyone’s faces to see, if they even recognize who I am. If they do, they’ll say, ‘THAT’S J? Holy s**t, what happened.’ Talk about a new form of public shame, except it is done from behind the viewer’s screens.”
“I also hid away and stayed off of dating apps for a few years until I could get myself feeling comfortable in my own skin and confident meeting new people and being in social media photos. I understand OP’s friend so much here.” – Recent_Hedgehog2322
“I was a bridesmaid in my best friend’s wedding years ago during one of my heaviest eras, and despite a year to prepare, I didn’t get even close to my goal weight and stressed about it every single day leading up to the wedding for a whole year. Our dresses were sleeveless, so my greatest insecurity, my arms, were on public display the entire time, in every single photo.”
“It’s been more than 10 years, and I’ve come a long way both mentally and physically, but every year I dread her anniversary and seeing those photos of me circulate on social media again. And then I feel immensely selfish and guilty for worrying about my insecurities instead of being able to share in her joy.”
“My body dysmorphia has ruined relationships, events, careers, and so much more. It’s truly an awful thing, and it sounds like your friend is really struggling with it. It’s not fair to you, OP, and it’s okay to be angry and disappointed about it, but please know that she’s probably even more upset with herself than you are.” – WoodsandWool
“I’ve struggled with my weight my entire life, and I get it. Even when I was healthy, I was terrified of gaining the weight back.”
“Going through the whole horror of being fitted for the dress, and clearly she sees herself as probably bigger than she is. I hope she gets some therapy and gets healthy. It just gets harder the older you get.” – Adventurous-Bid-9341
“NOR for being upset, but having been someone who suffers with their weight, I 100 percent get it.”
“I was my friend’s Maid of Honor, and I felt awful all day long because I hated the pictures and standing up there with my friend. Every time I go to her house and see the pictures, I want to cry.”
“If you love her like you say you do, then let it go. This is not about you, but her feelings of self-worth. You cannot fix that by forcing her to feel guilty (which I do not suggest you would do).”
“She will also most likely be devastated seeing you up there on the day without being by your side, and she will 100% punish herself the most. Sadly, most likely using food as her emotional support.”
“Congratulations on your wedding.” – Automatic_Ranger_102
The subReddit’s collective heart was aching on the OP’s best friend’s behalf for how much she was clearly shaming herself and gatekeeping special events from herself.
Hopefully, she would realize it was more important to be at her best friend’s wedding than to worry about what she’d be wearing, even if she wasn’t in the wedding party. There are some moments in life you cannot recreate.