It’s very easy to judge how people parent.
Especially for people who don’t have children of their own, and thus have no point of reference.
With this in mind, it is usually a good idea for people to keep their opinions to themselves.
Every now and again, however, these same childless individuals might notice some concerning behavior that doesn’t require them to be a parent to have an opinion.
Redditor Possible_Struggle490 began to have growing concerns about her niece.
Concerns she felt stemmed from the way her brother and sister-in-law (SIL) were parenting her.
As she didn’t want to overstep, the original poster (OP) had mostly kept her concerns to herself.
But as her concerns for her niece steadily grew, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA if I told my brother and SIL that they are ridiculously over feeding their child?”
The OP explained why she felt the need to intervene with the way her brother and SIL were parenting her niece:
“Hi all, I need some opinions on how to go about this.”
“I have a niece that is 6 years old that is very overweight for her age.”
“She already weighs over 125 lbs and she is about 4 ft. tall.”
“My SIL has me watch her a couple days a week when she has to work.”
“Now, I don’t mind watching her except for the fact that this kid is ALWAYS hungry and asking for food.”
“Her parents have pacified her with food her entire life.”
“I have NEVER seen her eat a vegetable, and her parents do not make her eat them.”
“Her mother is always saying, ‘when she is ready to eat a vegetable, she will, it’s her choice’.”
“This kid is chocked full of chicken nuggets, fries, and pizza.”
“Her growing belly is extremely concerning.”
“Her mom jokes about how she throws up milk sometimes because she will drink too much of it.”
“As if she is not the parent that has control over what she drinks, and how much.”
“She refuses to try anything new, and her parents will make separate meals for her every time they eat.”
“Not one of these meals has ever been healthy.”
“I once watched them feed her, over the course of the day, those pancakes wrapped in sausage with a ridiculous amount of syrup.”
“She ate the entire box of 10 in one day.”
“And they always give her seconds with dessert because she begs.”
“This is obviously a huge cause of concern for me.”
“She is a wonderful little girl otherwise, and has told me about how much she is being bullied in school already because of her weight.”
“She is in Kindergarten!”
“I hate to watch them ruin this little girls life because they give in to her every whim on what she wants to eat.”
“It’s clear she has an eating disorder at 6!”
“I made spaghetti for a group of people the other day, and this little girl, while I wasn’t looking, scarfed down an entire loaf of garlic bread by herself.”
“Garlic bread meant to be for the entire group.”
“I checked the label, and this bread alone was 2000 calories.”
“Never mind what else she ate that day.”
“It is honestly taking a toll on me.”
“I find myself getting irritated when she is constantly begging for food.”
“Even after we just ate.”
“I caught her telling her mom the other day that she was hungry when she picked her up, and she had just had two plates of food at my house.”
“When I watch her, I try to get her to make healthier choices (she won’t), and I’m not her parent so I don’t know how they will react.”
“Especially because they won’t reinforce it at home.”
“Both of her parents are thin, and I don’t want a hard unhealthy life for this precious little girl that I think they are absolutely ruining.”
“Kids are the worst when it comes to teasing.”
“I don’t know why they are setting her up for failure.”
“So would I be the a**hole if I told her parents that they are feeding her incredibly too much?”
“I know this is a touchy subject, but I am at my wits end because I care about her.”
“WIBTA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community generally agreed that the OP would not be the a**hole for confronting her brother and SIL.
Everyone agreed that the OP needed to speak to her brother and SIL, as this seemed like a medical issue that a doctor should be notified of immediately, even though some encouraged the OP to proceed with caution:
“NTA.”
“I’ve been obese my entire life because my parents didn’t teach me moderation and let me eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted it.”
“I never felt ‘full’ and ate when I was bored, stressed, upset, instead of being taught how to regulate my emotions in other ways.”
“It’s been a struggle just to get down to ‘regular’ overweight and to teach myself how to eat well and in moderation as an adult.”
“This poor kid is being set up for a lifetime of issues.”- Various-Issue-2293
“NTA.”
“Speaking as a former obese kid, please do something for her!”
“I was over 100 lbs by age 7.”
“Mom criticized but didn’t teach me to eat right, and Dad didn’t just ignore it, he pushed adult-sized portions at me.”
“Everyone criticized, and no one did anything to actually help.”
“It sucks being the kid who stands out as different.”
“It sucks not being able to keep up.”
“It sucks shopping in the teen section before you’re out of primary school.”
“Talk to your niece.”
“Talk to her parents.”
“If all else fails, talk to CPS.”
“This isn’t just physically unhealthy, it is cruel and neglectful.”- Narwen189
“NTA.”
“But it could be a medical issue.”- Deflated_Hypnotist
“NTA.”
“Have the hard conversation.”
“Let them know that you won’t be able to babysit or help until you see proof that she is seeing a nutritionist.”
“If you don’t see proof that she is going on a care plan from the pediatrician (whether therapy, OT, nutrition) in two weeks, you will reach out to authorities.”
“The pediatrician has probably already recommended it.”
“Tell them you’re worried about impacted stool from low fiber, early onset diabetes, everything.”-hyperfixmum
“NTA.”
“But it depends on how it is done.”
“They likely can see she is big for her age but have not fully, consciously, accepted it as an issue and are likely to interpret any mention of it as an attack on their parenting, or on the child.”
“This may well be a knee-jerk reaction, but no parent wants to hear there is something wrong with their child, especially when there is even the slightest suggestion it is their fault.”
“NTA for being concerned, but be very, VERY careful how it is approache,d as they may paint you as the bad guy for what they perceive to be an attack on how they have parented their child.”- Top-Relationship359
“NTA.”
“Just approach it from a place of care for the bullying and potential health conditions, not in a judgmental way.”
“I don’t get the people here saying it’s not your business.”
“The parents aren’t looking after her properly, so someone needs to advocate for her.”- Glass-Cat8159
“NTA.”
“But they will be upset.”
“You just have to be okay with that.”
“Instead of focusing on what they are doing wrong you may get further by saying you are concerned it’s a thyroid issue etc and ask them if the doctor had tested for that.”
“They may be more willing to go that route or listen to a pediatrician.”- SipSurielTea
“NTA.”
“But I think you need to call child services or something.”
“If it’s not what they’re feeding or how much they’re feeding her it’s got to be an underlying medical issue.”
“Either way they’re neglecting her health, I might even call it abuse!”- Short-Complex-2410
“NTA.”
“This is child abuse.”
“I’ve never understood why it was ok to overfeed a kid, have them get obese with no consequences yet if you starve them then obviously and rightfully you’d get in trouble.” – BB808BB
“NTA, someone has to advocate for her and I’m glad you are.”- Melriel
“NTA.”
“But I think you have to be careful how you approach this because if they feel attacked, they’ll just get defensive and then nobody will be helped.”
“I’d say maybe identify which parent will be most receptive to your concerns and talk to them.”
“Don’t fault them, maybe suggest discussing her eating habits with her doctor.”- Ok_Signature3413
No parent wants their parenting choices put under scrutiny, particularly by people who don’t have children of their own.
However, if the OP’s niece continues these eating habits, they could have serious ramifications for her long-term health.
Something the OP’s brother and SIL need to hear, if not from her, then from a doctor.