Parents want to support their kids however they can. But, sometimes they can’t afford to give them everything they need.
But, we should all be helping each other out however we can.
Redditor aitachargerent encountered this very issue with his parents. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for charging my older kids rent?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I have 3 kids. Jonathan (25), Madeline (23) and Ava (4). All of them still live at home.”
“Jonathan doesn’t pay any bills and Madeline only pays for her health insurance (she has her own health insurance through her job.)”
“Ava has an autoimmune disease and Down’s Syndrome and is about to start kindergarten. The special needs program at our public school district is horrible.”
“I’ve heard horror stories from parents and teachers, so my husband and I decided sending Ava to public school isn’t an option.”
“There’s a private school for kids like her not far from our house and it’s perfect. They have very small class sizes, an amazing curriculum, occupational therapists, speech therapists, and nurses (this is important for us because Ava needs to be given shots and medicine through her picc line during school hours).”
But, it is a little bit outside their price range.
“The only problem is, it’s $40,000 a year. We qualify for financial aid but we’d still have to pay $25,000 a year.”
“I’m a SAHM and my husband doesn’t make enough to support all of us and send her to that school so we approached Jonathan and Madeline and told them that we’re either going to need them to pay rent, utilities, and groceries because we can’t afford to support them and pay for Ava’s new school or they’ll need to move out so we can sell our house and move into something smaller.”
“Madeline agreed and is looking for apartments but Jonathan yelled at us for threatening to kick him out and for making him pay rent instead of me getting a job (I will be working part time once Ava goes to school).”
“He has been very cold towards me, my husband, and Ava since then and I’m starting to feel bad so I wanted to know if I was the asshole.”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. If your adult children want to continue enjoying the benefits of living under your roof, they need to contribute to the bills, groceries, etc.”
“I lived with my folks for a few years after college and I paid rent to them. They only ever asked for what my living expenses added to the house bills (like electricity, water, grocery, etc.) I never had an issue with it.” ~ Freakin_Merida88
“Same here, I’ve lived for a little while with parents as an adult and I helped out. It doesn’t make sense to me to be 20+ and not helping out where you live.” ~ Gadds69
“I think it depends partly on if the parents want or need the help.”
“My husband and I lived with my parents for a year after graduating college (we were college sweethearts) and my parents did not charge us anything. Not rent, not groceries, nothing. They made so much more money then us and did not need or want our ‘help.'”
“Likewise, my cousin lived with my aunt (not his mom, also his aunt) for a while while going to college and for a bit after. Again, no rent was charged. Aunt owned the house and didn’t need his money, and was letting him live there to help him out.”
“There are plenty of families/cultures where you don’t pay to live with family like that. Or where the younger generation does not pay the older generation for things. But that is because the older generation is more established/better off and does not need the help.”
“The issue here is OP and her husband can’t afford to live in this house with Jonathan freeloading, so clearly he needs to leave or contribute. What Jonathan wants is for a 4 year old to go somewhere her parents worry she won’t get the medical care she needs and may be abused so he can live rent free.”
“That obviously makes him the asshole. (NTA.) But not all young people living with parents for free are bad. It depends.” ~ TheHatOnTheCat
Redditors argued OP’s son should try and help out family.
“My daughter was finishing college last year (masters) when the awful thing hit and moved back in with me and her Step dad. 4 months later we found out my step grandson (my heart) was getting abused, and we went after custody.”
“The next day without being asked my daughter went and bought an RV and moved into. She knew with are small place we may not get custody without him having his own room. I was so proud of her and she said that is what family does for family. NTA” ~ Money-Fact1167
“My parents had a rule, go to college or be a grown up which means supporting yourself. I chose to go to college but stopped after two years because I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do so they agreed to let me move in with them but l had to pay rent and that was back in the late 80’s so it’s not like it can’t be done.”
“I paid $350/mo and the going rent back then for a 1 Bed was $475 so it was fair and all other expenses were covered but they did it to teach me responsibility and I appreciate it.”
“He’s 25 for crying out loud it’s time for him to grow up and get moving with life. He sounds lazy and entitled and I am frankly shocked OP let him live there for free as long as they did and didn’t work. That would not have flown with me and I have a 23 year old and he’s been working since high school and even had some jobs while in college so he could buy a car and not rely on us for all his expenses.”
“Time for him to launch.” ~ JuryNo7670
Family should look out for family.