Generally speaking, the custom of the bride’s parents being solely responsible for paying for the wedding has become antiquated and outdated.
Even so, many parents still want to contribute even a small amount towards their children’s wedding, even if they don’t cover the whole cost.
Conversely, many brides and grooms-to-be still hold out hope that at least a portion of their wedding will be covered by their parents.
Redditor Dazzling-City-9181 was among those people who hoped that her parents would help pay for her eventual wedding.
Particularly as they covered the cost of her brother’s wedding not once, but three times.
As a result, when the original poster (OP) found out her parents put the money they would have spent on her wedding to use elsewhere, she barely made an effort to hide her emotions.
Wondering if she overreacted, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA? My parents flushed my wedding fund down the toilet.”
The OP explained why they couldn’t hold back their anger and disappointment when she learned her parents would not be paying for her wedding.
“I (30 F[emale]) have a brother (33 M[ale]) and my parents are (66F) and (66M).”
“My parents have always put my brother (C) above me since I can remember.”
“My brother has been married 3 times and my parents paid for all 3 weddings, and he’s now single.”
“When I was mid 20’s I started dating a guy, and I thought we were going to get married, but unfortunately our life plans didn’t work out.”
“At that point, my parents had a wedding fund for me because I was 23 and ‘in love’.”
“Today, I found out that once we broke up, they used my wedding fund to buy a beach house.”
“I recently got engaged to my fiancé, K (30 M), and now I have no wedding fund.”
“In case anyone is wondering, my brother’s 3rd marriage was when he was 31, and my parents footed the whole bill.”
“I told my parents I was upset that they didn’t think about my future like they thought about my brothers and they called me an AH.”
“My brother is on their side.”
“I know it’s sorta small, but I was hoping to have some of a wedding fund considering how expensive they are and my family is well off.”
“AITA for being upset over this?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community unanimously agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for being upset her parents spent her wedding fund.
Everyone agreed that the OP had every right to be upset, agreeing that her parents did make it seem like they prioritized her brother over her and shouldn’t have been so hasty to spend her wedding fund.
Some even believe that the OP’s parents just lost their invite to her wedding.
“‘My brother is on their side’.”
“He’s the Golden Child, and you’re the scapegoat.”
“Welcome to the club!”
“Sorry, you’ll have to pay for it as I did.”
“Keep it small and within your budget.”
“If they start complaining that they want x more people, tell them to pony up for those x more people or STFU.”
“Best of luck! Congrats!”
“No, they aren’t obligated to pay for your wedding, but I completely understand why you are upset.”
“The good news is that you don’t have to succumb to any of their wishes, and you really don’t even have to invite them!”
“Have as nice a wedding as you can afford, and limit contact with them.”
“This will save you years of perpetual disappointment.”- Lynfran
“This is blatant favoritism; it’s easy to tell who the golden child is.”
“It’s true they’re not obligated to pay for any wedding, but the imbalance here is massive.”
“You’re NTA for noticing and objecting to their double standards.”
“Tell your parents that this is effectively your second wedding (your first wedding was a beach house), and you still have one paid wedding to go. It won’t work, but it might give you some satisfaction to remind them of their own previous actions.”
“Definitely don’t invite your parents.”- extinct_diplodocus
“Don’t invite them to the wedding, and when they ask why, tell them you ran out of money.”-Lazuli_Rose
“While they aren’t obligated to pay for weddings, it is really bad that they have paid for 3 for your brother and left you out.”
“When you do get married, have someone else you are close to walk you down the aisle.”
“Petty, but might make the point.”- subsailor1968
“Don’t invite them to your wedding.”
“They obviously don’t care about you.”- jimmap
“Technically, your parents are not obligated to pay for your wedding, but given the circumstances and 3!! weddings for your brother. I get why you’re upset.”- TashaStarlight
“This may sound really petty, but if you decide on having a wedding and reception, have your fiancé’s family or your friends go with you to select the venue, dress shopping, flower shop, cake testing, etc.”
“Do not include your parents at all or invite any of their friends to the wedding.”
“Limit your brother’s invite to just him (no plus one).”
“When you prepare the seating chart, sit them far away at a table by themselves.”
“They are not required to pay for your wedding, but given that they paid for 3 of your brother’s and surely helped him with other funds along the way, you are not obligated to placate them as doting parents.”- Not_Great_at_This_19
“I totally get this.”
“When one of my sisters was 18, she was getting married a few months from her engagement.”
“Her fiance’s family had more money than ours and offered to help.”
“My dad would go on and on ranting to me about how he wished she would just wait a year because he could save and give her this amazing wedding and how he felt bad that he couldn’t contribute more than some food and her veil.”
“Fast forward a couple of years, and I’m getting married.”
“About a year from engagement to the wedding date.”
“I immediately talked to my dad and asked him if he thought he could help with this venue I found.”
“By wedding standards, it was super cheap and included clean up, decor, a catering discount %, dj and a bunch of other stuff (smaller town areas, it was about 2.5k, much less than what he was saying he wanted to do for her wedding).”
“I didn’t want him even to pay the whole thing. I just wanted to know if he could help, and if so, how much he thought he could.”
“He said it’d be too expensive and that he could let me know the week before the wedding if I needed help still.”
“Maybe he could get some more food for us if we didn’t have it catered.”
“It really hurt because, to me, it felt like a slap in the face.”
“3 kids out of the house now, more money than he’d had years before, and the time he’d said he’d need to do an extravagant wedding.”
“It made me feel like I was less of his kid or less important.”
“Not even a veil or guaranteed food help.”
“Her veil was like $800, I’ve no idea how much the food was that he helped with, but he made it seem like a lot.”
“It was fine.”
“We ended up doing a VFW hall for super cheap. Some family and ourselves made most of the food.”
“I made my wedding cake, and an aunt made cupcakes too (she’s an amazing baker and used to cater events for friends).”
“My best friend’s mom bought my dress for me ($100).”
“We did a courthouse ceremony and then a reception at the V.”
“Was it my dream?”
“But it was doable without debt, it was fun, we were surrounded by people that really cared, and I knew officially where I stood with which family members.”
“Plus my uncle’s potato salad is literally the best thing in the world, and no catering could have topped that for me.”
“Congrats on your engagement, and please don’t let this ruin it for you.”
“You’re getting married for hopefully life!”
“That’s the part to focus on.”
“Your day will be beautiful no matter what because of that, not because of flower arrangements.”-empathetic_tomatoes
It would have been one thing if the OP’s parents simply refused, point blank, to pay for the OP’s wedding or her brother’s, as that was their right.
But that they not only paid for her brother’s three weddings but also spent the money they had set aside for that express purpose, it’s hard to blame the OP for being upset.
One only hopes that her wedding day is still as happy and magical as it deserves to be.