Naming a baby is one of the most exciting milestones for new parents.
Redditor Bubbly_Contract3899 was robbed of that milestone when her partner chose a name without involving her.
This drove the Original Poster (OP) to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
She asked:
“AITA for not letting my partner name our unborn child”
She went on to explain.
“I am currently nearly full term (35 weeks) and the conversation of what to name our daughter has been brought up a few times this week and it’s always ended in an argument.”
“The name of our daughter was decided quite early on in my pregnancy and it was my partners idea for the name choice.”
“She is being named after my partners friend who sadly passed away while serving in the British Army.”
“I wasn’t too sure on the name when I first heard it but it did grow on me after a few weeks and he also turned down every single name i mentioned.”
“When I say close to 20 different names and he didn’t like any of them he was pretty much set on naming her after his late friend.”
“The idea of middle names got brought up and he straight away said that his mum would be happy if we gave her his mothers middle name and I didn’t hate that idea.”
“But what I didn’t like is how he said it like he expected me to agree.”
“I’ve never had an issue with his side of the family they are nice and friendly people very easy to get along with never had any issues.”
“I told my partner that either I picked her middle name or she didn’t have one because he chose her first name, and also I’m not a huge fan of the middle name in question but that’s not the point.”
“He straight away turned it down and said his mum told him how happy she would be if our daughter got her middle name and I just don’t agree with that.”
“I also gave him another opinion – our daughter can have his mums middle name but she gets my last name and again he didn’t agree.”
“And then again I stated well she just doesn’t get one then if we cannot agree and he said how his whole family has a tradition where everybody must have a middle name.”
“Am I being responsible with my arguments or am I not being responsible whatsoever??”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“‘The idea of middle names got brought up and he straight away said that his mum would be happy if we gave her his mothers middle name.’”
“‘And I didn’t hate that idea but what I didn’t like is how he said it like he expected me to agree.’”
“This is because he does expect you to agree. In fact, he expects you to agree with all his opinions and none of yours. You do see that, right?”
“I’d die on this hill as he clearly has no respect for your opinion on this topic. NTA” – Good_From_70
“This, 100%. He is not allowing you to have an opinion or contribute to your own daughter’s name. He is trying to use guilt to get his way. (Dead friend, mom would be soooo happyyyy.)”
“One has to wonder what other choices he takes away from you that are not quite as glaringly obvious?”
“🚩 🚩 🚩”
“Definitely NTA, but your partner is.” – starzena
“NTA”
“You’re willing to compromise. Your partner is not.”
“Don’t be a doormat.” – HammerOn57
“NTA. Why does he get to decide all names?”
“Honestly I wouldn’t want to be with a man that wouldn’t meet me in the middle with something like this. I would stand my ground on her getting my last name.” – Fine_Prune_743
“NTA, he shouldn’t expect you to be happy with everything he wants. It’s not just his child, but yours too. You should have a choice!” – Original_Gazelle3835
“NTA, it sounds like a red flag honestly that he isn’t open to any compromise.”
“As a fellow pregnant woman deciding on a name is incredibly hard but it sounds like he’s making a unilateral decision and does not care about your opinion.”
“Makes me nervous for future disagreements on parenting styles.” – Dull-Slice-5972
“NTA – but your partner is. Sorry but he’s being totally unreasonable. This is your child too, who you are carrying and are going to have to birth.”
“(After my husband witnessed that he said I could have any names I wanted for the kids lol. I wanted him to pick too though so we decided together, but he never argued with me lol.)”
“There’s no way he should pick TWO names you don’t want!”
“The fact that he’s acting like this at all raises a lot red flags. I don’t think any reasonable person would try to force two names (well three including surname) on the other parent against their will!”
“Again, NTA but your partner is acting like one!” – CoolRanchBaby
“He shot down every single name you mentioned to him.”
“Sounds like he’s dead set on naming this child after HIS friend that passed away, okay I get that. They were close. But to be so closed minded to the fact that he’s not budging on anything.”
“To top this wonderful story, he’s even went to the middle name of your child and decided to name that too.”
“Then, tells his mother that your baby is going to be named after her. Wow, I didn’t see a single thing in this post about anything you wanted, or not wanted.”
“So that tells me that there are some bigger issues at play in your relationship. You are carrying this child, you fill out this baby’s birth certificate, and you have the final say.”
“Normally I would say it’s a split decision and y’all should compromise, but he got the compromising stripped from him after he wanted to act like a petulant child.”
“You should really analyze this relationship you are in. Because if you cave on him getting to name your child, then he’s going to pull the wool over your eyes on some serious sh*t.”
“NTA” – Previous-Novel-2616
“NTA”
“You’ve already let him decide on her first name with no input from you. Now he wants to give her a middle name that he’s chosen with once again no input from you.”
“He essentially just wants you to nod your head and agree with everything he wants, and expects you to keep his mouth shut.”
“Stand your ground, if you have to go to his family and explain ‘Hey, I also want to be involved in naming my kid, and not just having hubby dictate to me what the child in my womb’s name will be!’”
“You’re a married couple. You need to remind him that marriage is a partnership based on compromising with one another.”
“You’ve already compromised with him, either he gives you some slack and compromises, or you put your foot down.” – Turkeysocks
“NTA”
“You’ve offered compromises and he’s refused all of them and rejects all your suggestions.”
“From your use of the word partner instead of husband remember that in the U.K. he is not allowed to legally register the baby. Only you can do that.”
“In the time you have before the baby is born, consider your relationship. I don’t know if I could be with someone so uninterested in compromise, especially over something so important.”
“This is definitely a hill to die on because it will be with you forever” – HP1029
“Who is this guy? Is he always this self-absorbed and self-important? Is he a bully in other areas?”
“Has he shown that he can collaborate, share and compromise in other ways? If not you’ve got WAY bigger problems than a name.”
“Let this thread ripen up and send it to him. We’ll tell him he’s being an an** even if he won’t listen to you.”
“NTA” – capmanor1755
“NTA – TBH, this sounds like the problems in your relationship go much deeper than just naming your child (though that is obviously still important).”
“I think you two need to have a serious discussion about decision-making related to your daughter going forward.” – Forward_Squirrel8879
“NTA… I am pretty sure in most developed countries the mother can dictate who comes in and out of a delivery room (I’m assuming not married).”
“And you get to decide the kid’s name in the end, so they can ASK, but YOU get to ultimately decide. It’s your kid too and you get an ultimate voice.” – MontanaWildWiman
“NTA. He wants to get to pick every part of your kid’s name. That’s not cool. You both will raise her, you both helped create her, so you both get a say in the name.”
“If he wants to pick the first name, you get the middle. Fair is fair.” – StragglingShadow
“NTA. Don’t name children after dead people. Children aren’t living memorials.”
“They deserve the right to have their own name. Fight the first name and give him the middle name.” – MGKudan
Baby names are not unilateral decisions.
Do you have any thoughts on this? Let us know in the comments below.