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Woman Called Out For Leaving Partner’s Kids Unattended In Hotel Pool To Take Bathroom Break


Becoming a step parent is never an easy job.

You’re walking into an already established family dynamic and shaking things up.

Some actions you take may go against the norm.

And that can be a problem.

Case in point…

Redditor RogersGinger wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for leaving my partner’s kids (9 and 13) unattended in a hotel pool to go the bathroom?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“First time travelling with my partner (49 M[ale]) and his two boys, 9 and 13.”

“I get along great with the boys.”

“They’re awesome, smart, creative, funny kids.”

“They can also be jerks, but that’s normal.”

“I’m on the verge of becoming an official step mom, which would be a big ‘step’ for all of us.”

“Lately I’ve felt extra scrutiny from the three of them (kids and boyfriend), which makes sense.”

“Both boys have mentioned to my partner that I left them unattended in the hotel pool on this trip.”

“I got pretty defensive when he brought it up, but perhaps I am the a**hole.”

“I grew up a latchkey kid in the 90s, and am often surprised at the lack of independence both boys demonstrate.”

“Neither of them walk to or from school a few blocks away, they can’t be left home alone for an hour to run errands, or go to the corner store by themselves.”

“It seems odd to me.”

“But I accept that I may be old and wrong.”

“Anyway… I was watching them in the hotel pool.”

“Small pool, not deep, but no lifeguard.”

“My partner said he was ‘going upstairs to get his swimsuit’ and left for 40 minutes.”

“I had to pee.”

“I said jokingly to them ‘ok dudes, shallow end, no drowning!'”

“And went to the lobby bathroom for maybe 5 minutes, then came back to watch them.”

“Weeks later this has come up with both of them.”

“I’m annoyed with my partner for disappearing for an extended period of time when I thought he was coming back to swim.”

“And I’m annoyed with the boys for ratting me out as if I left them in a burning car or something.”

“When I just had to pee and they are 9 and 13 and both decent swimmers! Argh!”

“But maybe I’m wrong. AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“A 9 and a 13 year old should be able to spend 5 minutes unsupervised.”

“If they can’t, then that’s a problem with their parenting, not you. NTA.”

“ETA can’t believe half the people are clutching their pearls over this.”

“I went swimming unsupervised when I was 9 for hours.”

“People really think these kids can drown in 5 minutes in a small pool despite being strong swimmers?”  ~ thumpmyponcho

“A few days ago my husband got up a half hour early so he could get to work early to get some stuff done.”

“Alarm goes off at 6 AM.”

“At 6:30 I got up to make sure that the kids were getting ready for school and headed to the bathroom to get into the shower at 6:44.”

“I’m thinking I’ve got time to grab a shower before walking the kids to school at 7:20.”

“My husband was still on the toilet and about to get in the shower.”

“Man needed a little extra sudoku time that morning.”

“Edit: by the way I left three kids ages 5, 8 and 13 in the other part of the house alone while I took a shower!”

“Clutch the pearls people. NTA.” ~ Temporary_Nail_6468

“Oh my gosh!”

“I was about 9 when my family went to Disney world (from Maine, I was sheltered, and my parents were strict).”

“While one parent was at the park with my sister, and the other one was napping.”


“I walked to the cluster of hotel pools, and had a grand ole time swimming by myself.”

“I had even made a few friends by the time my parents came and found me. Lol.”

“I think I left a note that said: gone swimming! Or something like that.”

“And they weren’t mad.”

“Thank you for reminding me of this hilarious story of my family’s. OP, NTA!” ~ K_Regs_46230

“I was babysitting for multiple kids at a time – one family including a baby – at 13.”

“I think dad is overprotective.”

“At some level that is totally his choice, but when we get kids at college who were raised like this they really struggle.”

“As far as OP’s post, NTA.”

“But this also needs to come to some level of agreement before moving ahead toward marriage – it’s not fair for OP to be left for long periods of time with expectations she doesn’t agree with.”

“And are objectively higher than normal.”  ~ human060989

“I don’t think this is that big of a deal but personally, I’d have just had the kids hop out of the pool for five minutes.”

“They could sit in the deck chairs for a couple minutes while OP used the bathroom.” ~ MeteorMeatier

“That’s what I personally would have done, however, they are 13 and 9.”

“Odds are they would have gotten back in to swim anyway instead of sitting on the chairs.”

“And no matter what, unless OP brought them back to the room with her, they were technically going to be unsupervised the few minutes it took her to go to the bathroom.”

“Boyfriend still might have been upset about that because they do sound very sheltered.”

“A 13 year old can’t be left at home for an hour by himself?”  ~ Corduroycat1

“I can’t believe any Y T A responses.”

“Let’s be real here: neither of them are toddlers, one of them is a teenager.”

“It is not unreasonable for them to watch each other for a few minutes in a shallow pool while you use the bathroom.”

“If the expectation is that they must always be supervised 100% of the time no matter what.”

“Then let your partner be responsible for supervising them.”  ~ headyg

“This was my reaction too – I started babysitting other people’s kids at age 13.”

“Now a 13 year old can’t be left alone for 5 minutes while a parent uses the bathroom or walk a few blocks to school?”

“NTA all the way.”  ~ MillionPtsofLight

“Probably has to do with this new tendency of ‘curling parenting.'”

“Every small blockade must be taken away.”

“Children should be put at zero risk and they’re not allowed to develop any skills – such as independence here – that will help them later in life.”

“That’s how you raise soft individuals and OP is right for expressing her concerns over the way her partner is parenting. NTA.” ~ AggravatingDriver559

“I can’t believe it either.”

‘My aunt lived in the middle of nowhere Maine by a lake and we’d be in it damn near everyday without adult supervision.”

“And that’s a LAKE not a shallow pool.”

“This woman couldn’t be gone for 5 minutes ffs and they tattled on her?”

“Good grief. NTA OP.”

“Especially the fact that they can’t let it go.”

“If he doesn’t want you to do that again then fine, but it doesn’t need to be dragged out for so long.”  ~ Still_NoPickles

“I’m a 70’s and 80’s kid too.”

“We walked to school alone at 8 and 6, could go play in the woods, ride our bikes all over town, go to the pool after school and on weekends.”

“We would go fishing on our own – catching, scaling, gutting and filleting the fish before we went home.”

“We both had motorbikes at 9 and 7 and rode them unsupervised.”

“We somehow managed not to die and we learned life skills, problem solving, responsibility and developed decision making skills.”

“No helicopter parents were even around back then (that I was aware of anyway).”

“We learnt so much that these poor kids are going to miss out on.”

“They’re going to struggle really badly when they get out into the world.”

“A 13 year old should totally relish being unsupervised, he sounds more like 5 yrs old. NTA OP.”  ~ SheDidWhaaaat

“Your BF is the AH for disappearing for 40+ minutes while ‘getting his swim trunks.'”

“I don’t think you were wrong to go pee for 5 minutes given the ages of his kids.”

“However, now you know to treat them like young children.”

“Either call your BF to get his a** back downstairs to watch his kids so you can pee, or make the kids get out of the pool and wait right outside the ladies room while you go.”

“Personally, I would never take responsibility for his children again.”  ~ columbospeugeot

“You need to take some time to consider if you want a future with your partner raising dependent kids.”

“The children and him were upset you took a bathroom break.”

“The whole point of raising children is to guide them to be fully functional adults (at least to me).”

“At 13 and 9, the kids could have problem solved if they didn’t feel safe and gotten out of the pool to wait.”

“They didn’t, they passed the blame on to you.”

“It’s not a pattern yet, but it could be.” ~ Neither-Entrance-208

Though there are strong thoughts going in several directions, Reddit is pretty much in your corner OP.

When you gotta go, you gotta go.

It sounds like it might be a good idea for a serious relationship sit down with the BF.

Good luck.