For every woman who experiences menstruation, they can agree that it’s a difficult and frustrating time.
But a woman still needs to take care of herself and her belongings while on her period, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor aleggyegg was frustrated with their partner, who regularly bled through her feminine hygiene products and then did not clean up after herself.
When they finally confronted her about it, the Original Poster (OP) felt guilty after making her cry.
They asked the sub:
“AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend because her periods ruin our bedsheets?”
The OP’s girlfriend had complicated menstruation cycles due to PCOS.
“My girlfriend has PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome), which, from my understanding, can mean that she gets irregular periods, and when she does get periods, they can get very heavy.”
“She also forgets her birth control frequently, which makes her more prone to getting periods.”
“Her most recent period has been going on for about 3 weeks with no signs of stopping.”
“She’s non-binary (and she uses she/her pronouns, I am not misgendering her), and having periods is something she really dislikes.”
The OP was frustrated by the messes that were made during these periods.
“On the occasions that she does get her period, she always (at some point) bleeds through her pads and onto our bedsheets.”
“I’ve tried to be patient about it, but this has been going on for 5 years, and it’s not gotten better.”
“I’m a very fastidious cleaner when I am able to, and I HATE sleeping on soiled sheets.”
“She never tries to clean up when she bleeds through the sheets, either.”
“Of the two of us, I’m the only one who cleans, so I don’t always have the time or energy to clean the sheets when her period gets on them.”
“I do my best to get the stains out, but once they’re set in for a few days, there’s really no getting them out from my experience.”
The OP had finally had enough.
“When I went to climb into the bed today, I noticed a huge bloodstain that had gotten over to my side of the bed.”
“I had a very bad day at work and because of that I snapped at her, saying that I didn’t want to sleep on bloody sheets, and telling her to wash the sheets or change them.”
“She immediately started sobbing. She told me that this is just part of having a body that has periods, and she doesn’t have any control over where the blood goes.”
“She said that I’m just making her feel worse about having a period and that I wouldn’t understand that because I’m a trans woman.”
The OP felt conflicted after that.
“She’s locked herself in our bedroom and I’m exhausted and just want to go to sleep but I don’t want to go in there and make her feel even worse.”
“I think I might be the a**hole because I made her cry, and yes, it’s true that accidents happen.”
“But this happens every time. And her not doing anything about it when she’s home literally all the time is very frustrating.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed that the partner needed to take responsibility for cleaning up her messes.
“The first thing my mom insisted on and still insists on after I got my periods was cleaning up after myself.” – Gae_Fae
“You are correct. Unless there are extenuating circumstances you wash the damn sheets you bleed all over. If you choose not to do that you’re an unhygienic grub.” – Songbird_Eurydice
“Cleaning is the second thing I do when I get up on my period. I change my pad and check the bed for blood if I leaked through my pants.”
“This couple’s mattress must look like a murder scene.” – whatwillIletin
“All people who have periods – girlfriend in this story is not a woman and I think that’s part of her issue, because cleaning up after her period is probably dysphoric for her.”
“Doesn’t matter, it’s your job to deal with your period considerately and hygienically, regardless of your gender.” – StarInkbright
“I feel like non-binary or not, that is an issue where girlfriend just has to get over herself: you produce mess, any mess, you clean it up yourself.”
“It’s totally unreasonable and rude of the girlfriend to expect OP to clean up after her messes on a regular basis.”
“OP, you were NTA here and I can understand your frustration about the situation.” – Ankchen
“When I had periods (I stopped when I started my current birth control THANK GOD) I always washed the sheets immediately when I bled through.”
“How does she even tolerate it? I could not STAND even the thought. It is akin to p**sing the bed and just leaving it there.” – ialwaysplayhealer
“Sleeping on a towel seems like a good suggestion for OP’s girlfriend. I don’t do that but I get up multiple times during the night if I have to.”
“It sucks, but sheets are one of the things I invest good money in, and staining them would suck worse. Not to mention, even if they were cheap crappy sheets, I couldn’t stay in the bed without changing them once that happened. This is super weird to me.” – jengaj2016
Others thought the partner needed to try other feminine hygiene products.
“I think she’s not using the right size pad at night. I had dysmenorrhea (hysterectomy, yay!) and I have not had as many accidents as this girl does.”
“It really could be a simple fix. Get a heavier pad or a different brand if she’s using the heaviest one of the brand.” – Fantastic_Weakness19
“I have really heavy periods. As a teenager, I used to wear a nighttime pad, two pairs of underwear, and pajama bottoms at night time. If I didn’t wake up every 2-3 hours, I’d still bleed through all of it. Ended up sleeping on a towel a lot.”
“I use the super plus tampons and the light/dailies pads now and set alarms. It makes things a lot easier (and less messy)!”
“People need to find out what works for them. Sure, accidents happen, but if they constantly happen? Take responsibility.” – whiskeygambler
“Old blood smells absolutely RANK. no idea how she stands it.”
“But also: OP, 3 weeks’ bleeding straight is not normal. she should talk to a dr about that just to make sure it’s the PCOS and not something else, and also make sure she’s eating iron-heavy foods so she doesn’t get anemia.”
“As someone who has horrendous period cramps and takes birth control for the sole purpose of stopping my periods, she also needs to get a lot better at taking her medication if she hates it so much and it actually stops her periods.”
“She has an easy way to stop them and doesn’t take it because she ‘forgets’?” – litfan35
“Make the mess, clean the mess. I get heavy periods but manage not to get blood all over. They make heavy-duty pads for this reason, and on the off chance, it leaks, a hygienic person cleans it immediately.”
“I’m kind of shocked she hasn’t hacked the issue, like dude, put down a towel if you’re prone to bleeding out. Jesus.”
“NTA for sure.” – a**holemanager
“I used to have heavy periods and I basically constructed a pad diaper. Two side-by-side in the seat of the underwear and two overlapping pads in the crotch.”
“I would waddle to bed and lie on a folded-over towel. Then I started using tampons and pads and that really helped, but I know not everyone can or wants to use tampons.”
“Leaks will happen, but they can be mitigated with period products and towels.”
“In her situation, I might just put down plastic or a pee pad under a towel. It truly sounds miserable for her and I’m sympathetic, but she can do more.” – myohmymiketyson
“Towels can move. As someone who now has horrendous periods, I recommend Depends. Been there, done that.”
“The leg gussets keep the blood from overflowing anywhere and while it will likely mean a shower (at least for the bottom half) in the morning, your sheets are saved.”
“Also, pee pads for dogs work well as a barrier. They’re designed to stop the liquid flow and are thin enough you can sleep on them easily. Again, been there.” – Elaan21
While the subReddit was sympathetic to the partner’s PCOS, discomfort with her periods, and the troubles of making the mess in the first place, their sympathies stopped there. Expecting her partner to permanently clean up her messes for her would be unacceptable, and much less hygienic for her partner to deal with.
Likely, she needed to try some other products to see if that would help mess prevention, and if she really wanted the periods to stop, she needed to establish some kind of system to stop forgetting to take her necessary medications.