Life is full of choices and each choice is an opportunity to learn. Even—especially?—our bad decisions can provide wisdom.
But sometimes people are sheltered from ever facing consequences from their poor choices, thus robbing them of the chance to learn anything.
What results from such parenting is an entitled, spoiled adult that continues to make bad choices, but expects everyone to shelter them from consequences.
This is the situation a sibling found themselves in after their parents gave in to their brother’s demands.
After being castigated by their parents and brother, they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
“AITA for telling my parents and brother that if they wanted his ex removed from my wedding pictures they had to pay for it?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My brother goes through women like I go through socks.”
“I gave him a plus one for my wedding two years ago. He brought his girlfriend of that time.”
“When we were doing the family pictures he wanted his girlfriend in the pictures. I said we could do some with her and some without.”
“He got mad that I allowed my sister to have her fiance in all the pictures and my other brother was allowed to have his boyfriend of five years but that I had the audacity to exclude his girlfriend of the week.”
“My parents said that they didn’t want any fighting and to just include her. They were paying for everything so I said fine.”
“She isn’t in all our pictures. Just the ones with our family and both families.”
“Now my brother is engaged and we had the family over last weekend. His fiancee saw our wedding picture on the wall and got into a fight with my brother.”
“He never told her that he had been in a serious relationship with her nemesis. He tried explaining that they only dated a very short while.”
“She called bullsh*t because she was included in the family picture. She asked to see our wedding album. Sure enough the girl was in multiple pictures with the family and the in-laws.”
“My brother finally calmed her down but has asked me to take down the picture or have his ex removed. I said that it was expensive so he would have to pay for it.”
“He tried complaining to our parents. They said that I was being childish.”
“I reminded them that they were the ones who insisted I give in to him. I said that they were welcome to pay for the editing.”
“They said I was a jerk and that they already paid for the pictures once.”
The OP added:
“The ex was a bully to the fiancée in middle school and high school. The issue isn’t that my brother dated other women. It’s that he had a serious enough relationship with her that she was included in a family wedding picture.
“My brother is between a rock and a hard place.”
“He either has to admit he was an a**hole for insisting she be in the pictures even though she was in his life for a few minutes or lie about how important to him she was.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“Two years ago, my brother insisted that we include the girl he was with that week in our wedding pictures.”
“Now his fiancee thinks he was in a relationship with her mortal enemy.”
“I might be the a**hole for telling him or my parents to pay to remove her from the pictures since they were the ones who insisted we include her.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Redditors unanimously declared the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“Sounds like you saw something like this coming and suggested not having her in every picture.”
“He insisted, now he’s trying to make it your problem. Too bad for him – NTA.” ~ gremfree
“The new chick has already seen the photos anyway, so the damage is done. Removing the ex won’t alter history.”
“They’ll probably be broken up by the time you could get the new photos printed anyway.”
“Or OP could just use those Velcro stick-on tabs and Velcro a small photo of girlfriend du jour over the ex.”
“Then when her brother breaks up with her and gets a new girlfriend, you can just rip the ex right off and stick on the new one.” ~ BaitedBreaths
Exes put in this situation shared their experiences.
“As a former girlfriend who was awkwardly in family photos at a wedding of someone I hadn’t been dating that long (I tried to stay out of it, but the entire family insisted I be in and wouldn’t take the photo without me), they could do what my ex’s family did: put a sticker of our university’s mascot over my head.” ~ DevoutandHeretical
“I was in this situation once. Boyfriend tried to insist I be in family wedding picture—for an uncle I had never met.”
“I’d only been dating this dude a short time, and I knew he would not be endgame. So I politely declined.”
“Afterwards he got all mad at me, saying I ’embarrassed him,’ yada yada. 🙄 maybe your extended family doesn’t want some rando in your family photos forever because YOU decided, ex-boyfriend!”
“I also feel like I accidentally did the same thing to my brother’s girlfriend recently. The whole family went on vacation, and I wanted to get a family photo but didn’t want to be like, ‘okay Jennifer you go stand over there now’.”
“So she kinda awkwardly offered to take the picture of the family, and I took some of her and my brother just the two of them.”
“No drama or anything (see how easy that is, ex-boyfriend?)” ~ ChogbortsTopStudent
“It isn’t a big deal to me, but I have TWO cousins that insisted significant others were in pictures—and every time I show my wedding album and people ask who the girls are, I’m like ‘I have literally no idea’.” ~ Radiant_Gene1077
“I was the boyfriend who was basically demanded to be in my ex’s family’s pictures.”
“I tried to refuse, but they insisted. I complied.”
“We broke up a few months later. I tried to tell them…” ~ ZekeMoss18
Some shared their own “who is that” wedding photo stories.
“In our wedding pictures, there is one picture we have framed that is the whole a** extended family. My side, my wife’s side.”
“Brothers, Sisters, Aunts, Uncles, Kids, grandparents, nieces, nephews, cousins, and Dude.”
“Dude was a guy that one of my wife’s cousins met the weekend before at an airport. He’s in the picture. LMAO!”
“This wedding was in ’99. I still give her sh*t about, dude. LOL.”
“She say’s she basically only saw him one time after that wedding weekend.” ~ Chknbone
Regardless of personal experiences, everyone agreed the OP was NTA.
“NTA. You’re right, this is their doing, and they can pay for it if they want.”
“Had they not pressured you in the first place, he wouldn’t be in this situation. Notice – not YOUR situation, this is his issue to deal with.” ~ Reddit
“NTA. Everyone keeps calling this a ‘situation’. Honestly, what’s the big deal? Why can’t exes be in old photographs? Who cares?”
“Not sure why his fiancée is getting upset. Seems like a whole lot of fuss over nothing.” ~ mangospaghetti
“Sounds like the issue is that ex-girlfriend is the nemesis of current girlfriend, and this prince didn’t bother to disclose the prior relationship or consider that current girlfriend has functioning eyes.” ~ MaisiePJohnson
Some focused on the parents’ part in creating a problem that could have been avoided.
“‘My parents said that they didn’t want any fighting and to just include her’.”
“Now there’s fighting, now they’re calling you a jerk?”
“Bruh, you’re definitely NTA.” ~ DutchMill693
“The parents are the worst kind of ‘be nice’ because they care more about the moment than the completely forseeable consequences.” ~ Unicormfarts
“They failed the one kid that now just can’t take ‘NO’ for an answer. So they have to forever deal with the one kid that just can’t take ‘NO’ for an answer.” ~ Hobbs54
“It’s pretty clear that they have a favorite child, and their way of solving problems is to make everyone else bend over.” ~ Mr_chiMmy
“NTA. He was probably trying to lie to that other girl about how important she was to him. And your parents should not have interfered.” ~ International_Set522
Honesty was the best policy.
“One lie leads to another.”
“Tell all of them the truth—that you have no problem having your brother’s ex in the photos.”
“It is a good reminder why ‘family’ photos should be family only, with the exception of long-term relationships.”
“Also a great learning device for your future children regarding decisions and consequences.”
“In fact that photo is a great visual aid to your parents to butt out in the future. All you have to do is point to it and say, ‘really?’.”
“Definitely NTA and if you’re feeling generous, you can give them a copy of the photo so they can pay for any tweaks to it.” ~ Outrageous-forest
While some had thoughts on the OP’s brother.
“Your brother sounds like a catch 😂“ ~ hypotheticalkazoos
“Catch and release.” ~ Artemicionmoogle
“TNR (trap, neuter, release).” ~ littleloucc
Weddings are prone to drama.
The last thing that’s needed on the day is selfish family members having tantrums and parents that indulge their problem child.
Since that’s what happened here, no one agrees the OP should have to clean up a mess they had no part in making.