Many couples put pain staking thought into the menu for their wedding.
And yes, you can't please everybody.
So does that mean guests should be bringing in their own food?
Case in point...
Redditor Houstonstan2618 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
"AITA for letting my son get fast food and bring it into a wedding reception?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"My son (22 M[ale]) is a picky eater."
"My cousin was getting married and had a lovely reception with a nice buffet."
"'Johnny' wasn't a fan of what was served so I let him leave and get some food."
"Word spread amongst our family where he was going and a few people asked him to bring things back so he did."
"We are at a table near the dance floor and you could probably smell it there but nobody in our immediate family had a chance problem (even the bride and groom)."
"Apparently the venue and the family of the bride were appalled and I don't understand why."
"It was a great party but he wanted something different and other people did too."
"He's 22 years old and in college."
"He has no medical issues; he just has a limited palate."
"When I said 'let' I meant, let him take my car since we all rode together."
"An edit: the food was served buffet style: a nice soup, salad, tenderloin, bbq beef, pasta, a few other selections."
"It was actually really good for wedding food."
"Everyone else who partook in the fast food did so because, well, it was there and tasted good."
"They didn't have a problem with the venue's food."
"Also, as some people said, one or two chicken bones did end up in the floor in the venue."
"That was unfortunate."
"So AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
"YTA for sure, you should have arranged something beforehand instead of doing it like this."
"Oh, and stop enabling your adult son, he is 22." ~ sandiercy
"The venue and family of the bride were appalled because bringing fast food into the reception for multiple people to eat..."
" - Embarrassed the venue because you all showed publicly you did not like their food, and..."
" - Angered the bride's family because they most likely paid a good amount of money for the food you publicly replaced (assuming the bride's family paid; I know this is not necessarily the case)."
"If you were invited to a dinner party, would you leave halfway through to get fast food and bring it back to eat at the dinner table? YTA." ~ Necessary_Jello_1206
"Also 3. A lot of places that serve food don't allow people to bring in outside food in case they get sick etc."
"Puts them and their service at risk of potential lawsuits." ~ adventurousmango24
"This and some venues will charge the bride/groom if you do bring food or alcohol onto the premises that wasn't bought there so the bride and her family may have been upset because they may face a charge."
"YTA- he's 22, not a fussy toddler and all buffets I've ever been to will have some thing everyone can eat." ~ Herps15
"When I saw the title I first assumed it was a little kid, nope, 22 year old dude, OP should know better."
"And then the fact he got other people food too instead of himself, and they see nothing wrong with that?? OP YTA." ~ Defiant_McPiper
"My relative is a child, and even they know not to do this."
"If example at a buffet if there were 9 dishes and there was only one they liked, they would load up on that on dish alone."
"It's just about decent respect, which OP and son clearly doesn't have any of."
"It's one event, suck it up. OP YTA." ~ egghoex
"Oh, please tell me the wedding photographer captured the magic of fast food bags spread across multiple tables at a catered wedding!"
"The People of Wal-Mart unite!"
"Did your son come to the wedding in jeans shorts as well? Y'all tacky. YTA." ~ Beneficial_Ship_7988
"YTA. Wow a grown ass man acting like a 5 year old."
"Does he still require you to wipe his butt also?"
"I pity any woman that hooks up with him, if that is even a possibility."
"Probably brings his mommy and daddy on dates too." ~ OkieLady1952
"Oh, and then threw the chicken bones on the floor."
"By OPs own admission, 'Somehow' some chicken bones from the chicken wings ended up on the floor."
"Not only was OPs son rude, with the palate of a 5 year old (after being coddled by his parents, no doubt), he was a slob who can't even manage to keep his scraps on the plate or even the table." ~ scarletnightingale
"I understand picky eating."
"I'm autistic and food aversions are a major hassle."
"Especially since the issues are made more severe by histamine intolerance meaning I'm basically at least mildly allergic to everything and the severity of symptoms is inconsistent."
"If I'm worried about feeling unwell or dealing with the physical things that go along with aversions (like my throat feeling thick and causing it to be hard to swallow, or making me gag or worse from soft foods) then I just bring a safe snack to eat beforehand or in private and decline a meal."
"I also make sure to bring things, like a histamine DAO (Diamine oxidase) enzyme and my prescription antihistamines, to help avoid the worse symptoms since it can make me feel really sick."
"It's rude."
"If it really was so limiting for him to eat the food offered then he should have eaten it in private before going back into the venue and kept it quiet that he was going rather than bringing meals for others."
"I can't imagine being at a wedding and seeing several people around sitting there with their McDonalds or some other fast food instead of eating what is offered."
"Plus it sounds like there were plenty of options, there must have been something that he could have at least tried."
"I don't really have much issue with him getting something for himself, I'm not going to judge him for being picky and I'm sure he has his reasons."
"My main issue is that he brought stuff back for others and ate inside the venue. It's so rude." ~ mkat23
"And he couldn't even go quietly."
"There was enough of a fuss that other guests got wind of it and made requests."
"Now bride and groom are left with the message that people would rather eat crap than the meals they provided at great expense. YTA." ~ ilp456
"He could have slipped out silently and got some food, ate it in the car and slipped back in silently if he had any sense."
"If anyone asked where he was 'getting some air' and 'he needed to grab something in the town and will be back in 20' would have sufficed."
"You can be a picky b*st@rd without being an insensitive one."
"That said, at 22, learn to eat some f**king food like a grown up." ~ Wolfpawn
"I first thought 22 months old."
"Then saw that the 22 year old grown a** man, who went to the fast food and picked up food for some other guests."
"Now my brain is just trying to grasp the situation."
"I've been to weddings with bad, bad, bad, bad, bad food."
"Both myself and my husband sat through 10 hours of wedding party (were really close friends with the groom) and were starving."
"We literally lived 2 minutes away from the wedding venue and didn't even think of going home to eat."
"Both you and your 22 months, I mean 22 year old son are TA!" ~ Successful_Winter_97
"YTA. At most, he should have slipped out, eaten, and returned quietly."
"Letting it be known and eating at the reception is a VERY AH move."
"You were rude, disrespectful and trashy."
"Apologize and teach your son better."
"Also he's 22. Ummm, enable much?" ~ Pair_of_Pearls
"I am a picky eater, a vegetarian and have severe food allergies."
"I would never ever do this. Very rude."
"They should apologize profusely to the bride and groom and send them an apology gift and never pull this stuff again."
"I am guessing some lack of social skills are involved."
"Let us coach you."
"Never do this again. Super rude."
"Not the end of the world though." ~ Competitive_Sleep_21
"This the bride and groom could have been fined by the venue."
"At my own venue bringing your own food with the exception of the cake was strictly against the rules of the contract."
"If you needed to accommodate a guests diet or food allergy that had to be taken to management so they could prepare something specifically for them if need be."
"And this was pretty common when we went venue hunting. By the way OP, YTA." ~ ffsmutluv
"Hard YTA. Your son is 22."
"He can eat before the ceremony, or eat after."
"Or eat a granola bar in the bathroom."
"But instead you and him made a big enough scene of the food not being to his liking that many people knew, and then he proceeded to bring back dinner for several other people."
"Causing an even bigger scene that was highly disruptive of an insanely expensive formal dinner that you nor any of the other guests getting take out paid for."
"I assume that the wedding allowed children at the dinner, but it's unclear why you weren't sat at the kids table and supervised by the grown-ups." ~ mencryforme5
Well OP, Reddit is pretty loud and clear on this situation.
Maybe next time check what's on the menu beforehand.
Or slip away quietly and eat in the car.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp