\Many people see their pets as part of the family.
When couples break up, they sometimes go to war over who gets the animals.
It can be just as brutal between kids and parents.
Who is the choice for the fur baby?
Redditor LawfulnessDue8961 to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for wanting to take our cat with me after my marriage?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi, this issue has led to fights in my house the past week, and at this point, I thought I’d ask here.”
“I’m going to get married in a few months, and I currently live with my parents.”
“6 years ago, my aunt gifted me my cat for my 18th birthday when he was a kitten.’
“She knew I loved cats; I’d always wanted one, so that was her gift, and it was the best gift I’ve ever received.”
“I was the one who organized his diet, litter trained him, named him Casper, got him to respond to his name, had him snuggle with me, had huge arguments with my parents in the initial days over him, and defended him. “
“Over time, Casper became an integral part of our family.”
“Last week we were just planning on how to start moving my stuff to my fiancé’s place, and I also brought up his cat tree.”
“My younger sister was like, ‘Why would you take his cat tree? You’re not taking Casper.'”
“I said, of course I am, he’s my cat, and my fiancé loves cats too, I’d already discussed this with him.”
“My parents, too, were against taking him, and my sister started full-on sobbing.”
“I was beside myself, and we had an argument.”
“I told them Casper was a gift for me, I had raised him when he was a kitten, and I brought up to my parents how they used to say he’s too much work and a mess in the earlier days.”
“Since then, whenever the topic has been brought up, my sister gets heated, my parents low-key side with her, saying Casper is used to the house and cats are creatures of habit.”
“I’ve told them they have 3 months to make their peace with the fact that Casper is coming with me.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“INFO: At the end of the day, what’s best for the cat?”
“If Casper is your shadow when you’re around, and would pine without you, then the only decision is to take Casper with you.”
“If Casper is now closer to your parents or sister now, or prefers to hang out in a certain spot in the house over and above spending time with you, then Casper should stay at the house.”
“Does Casper ever get anxious, show signs of separation anxiety, or depression when you’re not at home?”
“Like, if you go away for a few days?”
“What about if Casper gets taken away from the house, like for trips to the vet?”
“How does Casper cope in those scenarios?”
“Also, does your fiancé have any other animals that Casper has to acclimatise to?”
“Has your fiancé spent much time with Casper?”
“Is Casper comfortable with them?”
“If you can get a clear answer from asking these questions, then this should make the decision easy.” ~ helgirl
“This! OP, please take it into account, those are very good questions.”
“Yes, the cat is yours, but he is not furniture; he has his own preferences.”
“I wish you and Casper well.” ~ aescepthicc
“I mean… these are all excellent points, but my initial thought process was like if it were a kid.”
“If you had a kid while living with your parents, even if they helped with expenses or the occasional babysitting and care, it would still be your kid, and when moving out, the kid would logically go with you.”
“Cats adjust pretty easily to moving.”
“However, as I said, this is a good point.”
“If there’s a very clear-cut preference on the cat’s part, that’s what OP should go with.”
‘Either way, though, I’d say NTA because I can see just making the assumption (so long as the right decision is made in the end).” ~ lampalot7
“If Casper is clearly bonded with someone else noticeably more than he is bonded with you, that would be the only factor for me.”
“I’ve moved with cats several verging on many times, and they adapt just fine.”
“The cat I had in my teens and 20s moved with me 4 times, she did fine adapting.”
‘The only other consideration that doesn’t seem relevant here would be if Casper was tightly bonded with an animal at your parents’ house.”
“My adult daughter decided to get a new cat rather than take her cat once she was settled in a place where she could have her cat for two reasons.”
“Her cat never really forgave her for going away to college, and her cat was tightly bonded with my cat.”
“We decided not to split them up, and my daughter got a new cat, but still sees her old cat when she visits.” ~ myssi24
“A little different situation, but a friend of ours passed away, and after a couple of months of going over to their house daily, we decided that it was time to rehome the cat.”
“Whenever we went into the house, the cat was sleeping on a certain living room chair.”
“We packed up the cat in her carrier, bowls, food, litter pan, toys, and threw her chair in the back of the truck.”
“When we got her home, we set the chair up in a nice place in the family room, similar to where it was in her old home.”
“We turned her loose in the house, showed her the litter pan, her food bowls, and her chair.”
“She decided to sleep on a storage bin (covered with a blanket) behind the sofa, the office futon, the guest room bed, and when we went to bed, our bed.”
“She NEVER, even once, got up into that chair.”
“After a month, the chair went to a donation.”
“Yes, with a little love, a cat can easily adapt to a new environment.”
“Well, this one did.” ~ fredzout
“This is the only way to look at it – what’s best for the cat?”
“If we weren’t talking about a living being, all the N-T-A answers below would be correct, but we’re not.’
“At the end of the day, the only opinion that really matters – as long as everyone involved is willing to take care of Casper – is the cat’s.” ~ Leviathan_Blossom
“NTA. Seems pretty cut and dry to me: Casper was a gift to you, you also took care of him, he’s your cat.”
“So, of course, he’s coming with you.”
“If your sister wants a cat, your parents can get her one.”
“And as someone who has moved with cats before: Yes, some might need a bit to get used to the new environment, but he will be fine. ‘
“Don’t let your parents tell you otherwise.”
“Plus, many cats are also very much attached to ‘their human,’ more than to a specific house.” ~ MorningStarsSong
“This exactly!”
“We have moved multiple times with our cats, and they’ve always adjusted, but if my husband even steps out of the room for too long, his cat starts getting separation anxiety and goes looking for him.”
“It would hurt her so much more to be separated from him than to continue to live in one place.” ~ UnicornVoodooDoll
“NTA. Get your aunt to confirm Casper was a gift for you.”
“End of issue.”
“Casper is your property.”
“He is attached to YOU, not your parents’ home.”
“He will adapt just fine to your new place as long as you are there.”
“Your sister can get her own cat if that’s what the family wants.” ~ parodytx
“NTA. The cat is yours, gifted to you on your birthday.’
“Adjusting to a new home can be stressful for humans and cats alike, but they go with their owner.” ~ FacetiousTomato
“NTA. Casper is your cat, and they’re being shitty because they do not want to do all the work you did to get your sister one.”
“They want to guilt you into leaving him behind because he’s already an easy pet.”
“They are being absolutely terrible parents by siding with your sister and making you the bad guy in this and refusing to explain that it’s YOUR cat to your sister.” ~ IcyPlate2313
“NTA. Take Casper to your fiancés house now so your sister and parents can’t hide him.”
“When they ask you, just say without waffling.”
“Casper is my cat.”
“He’s moved over now, and you can get your own cat now.”
“I will not be discussing this any further.’
“He’s been clearly mine from day one.” ~ sikonat
OP came back to address some frequent questions…
“My college was in the same city we live in, as is my job.”
‘I commuted to college from home.”
“And no, my fiancé and I haven’t been living together.”
“The first time my dad and I took him to the vet, he was registered under my name.”
“Until I got a job after college, I would make his expenditures with my pocket money, and my parents would also pay.”
“Since I’ve been working, I do the bulk of spending on him, but my parents do too.”
“My sister is 17.”
“And yes, we’ll be living in the same city, she’ll be seeing him often.”
“It’s the fact that my parents are siding with her and not just to support her, but of their own accord.”
“They, too, have been saying Casper should stay here.”
“I’ll try to bring them up by adopting a new cat.”
Reddit is on your side, OP.
The majority of the Casper care has been on you.
Cats can adapt.
Adopting a new cat for them sounds like a good idea.
Good luck with everything.