Redditor creepystuffthrow is a plus-size woman who is engaged to someone whom she says is a “smoking hot man.”
During the proposal in front of family and friends–who were in on the celebratory occasion–she noticed one person who was conspicuously missing.
When she discovered the reason why she confronted that person to clear the air. It didn’t go well.
With their mutual friends divided on their thoughts on the situation, she turned to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my now ex- best friend that her personality made her ugly?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My fiance Mike is a smoking hot man. I mean he is model handsome, whereas I am a plus-sized gothic woman that isn’t considered conventionally attractive.”
“He is also sapiosexual. We started long distance and he didn’t even ask for a photo for weeks. He said my brain was enough for him, and he has proven that every day.”
“We have been together 5 years now, living together for 4 and I feel adored and practically worshipped.”
“A week ago, he proposed. He did a perfect proposal with most of our friends and family involved. I noticed Julie wasn’t there, who has been my best friend since we were 10, but I didn’t think much of it. Julie is also extraordinarily beautiful and is an aspiring influencer.”
“Mike sat me down two days ago and he looked very grim. I asked him what was wrong and he handed me his phone to show me a message thread with Julie where he asked for help planning his proposal.”
“It started off fairly innocently where she asks questions about things such as the ring, locale.”
“After that, she sent him questions like if he really wants to marry me due to my weight and health conditions (I have PCOS and fibro.) Mike has been helping me with diet and exercise, and I’ve lost over 120 pounds.”
“She’s well aware of his encouragement and support, so this came out of left field. He said yes and went back to trying to plan when she started bringing up my ‘flaws,’ like my skin not being constantly clear or my slightly crooked nose.”
“He flat out asked her what she’s implying, and she said that someone as handsome as he is should be with someone like her, not me.”
“His response was a bit cruel, to be honest. He said that she wasn’t intelligent enough to be attracted to and her interests were vapid. She blocked him.”
“I sent her a message asking her to come over to talk and she freaked out because she already knew what it was about. She started making excuses at first, but then she just flat out said that I wasn’t pretty enough to deserve him and that it wasn’t fair she was beautiful and single.”
“I sent her a message back saying that she was beautiful, but her personality has made her ugly and then I blocked her.”
“Our mutual friends are split; some are saying I should be more sympathetic because she was brutally dumped recently (he cheated and got his affair partner pregnant.) A few are mad that I insulted her as I did.”
“I feel bad because I did insult her and I know that she’s always felt stupid compared to me and that I hit her in her insecurities.”
“My Mom and Julie’s mom are also BFFs, and this has unfortunately affected their friendship and my Mom is also a little upset that I didn’t ‘take the high road,’ but she understands that my friendship with Julie was over regardless.”
“AITA for telling my friend her personality made her ugly?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Many Redditors thought there was nothing wrong with how the OP handled the situation well.
“NTA. I know you all think your responses were cruel but I think they were spot on. She is the cruel one, projecting her insecurities and jealousy onto you and Mike. It doesn’t matter what her problems are, you didn’t cause them.”
“Applause to you and Mike for giving her the shutdown she deserved. Let people be mad, she came for your throat and your fiancé. You two are solid and I wish you both all the love and happiness.” – CrochetAndKittens
“NTA. Taking the high road is severely overrated. As soon as you start doing it, it sets an expectation that you’ll do that, that you’re a doormat, that you can be walked all over.”
“I struggled with this for years with my sister and her husband. There has been several instances in which I stopped talking to them for months at a time.”
“Every time my Mom would beg me to just take the high road. Be the bigger person for family unity. And I did it for years.”
“My sister and her husband never changed, they kept being the same selfish sh**ty people because nobody wanted to hold them accountable.”
“Anyone siding with your a**hole ‘friend’ are just as bad, all I’d do is remind them she tried to sabotage your marriage before it even started. She tried to steal your happiness.” – Give-Me-A-Dollar-Now
“NTA. SHE started this fight, not you; and you were fighting fire with fire. And your comment was true.”
“Further, her having been dumped recently gives her no grace whatsoever when she attempts to steal your fiancé. And she finally learned that physical beauty won’t get her whatever she wants, with everyone, whenever she wants it.”
“Hopefully it will be a learning moment for her but I doubt it.”
“BTW, your fiancé is a prize.” – ZaphodBeeblebrox-FtW
“NTA. People get dumped all the time. It doesn’t make most of them go out of their way to try and sabotage other relationships, and it doesn’t justify that behavior even if they do. Besides, if that was what was going on, you’d think she’d be trying to convince Mike he shouldn’t do it because love is doomed anyway: not launching attack after attack on you personally.”
“She has no right to expect more courtesy and consideration than she displayed toward you, and if she’s now feeling bad about herself and wondering if she needs to make some changes to be a better person…well, frankly, that’s exactly what she should be feeling right now.” – mm172
“NTA. I agree with your fiance. Someone’s personality and demeanor is much more attractive than just a pretty face. I’m not going to pretend that looks don’t matter at all, but the greater I think a woman’s personality is, the more attractive she becomes.”
“Your ex-friend is angry because she was called out for her shortcomings. She was angry because she was cheated on by a guy that chose solely off of looks and assumes every good looking guy must be this way.”
“What’s more messed up is she knows how being cheated on feels and yet she was going to do it to her friend. She clearly didn’t value you. You didn’t do anything wrong for pointing out a flaw.” – socool8520
“NTA- So she tried to break up your engagement by telling your bf you weren’t attractive enough for him, then proceeded to say SHE should be with your bf instead? And some of your friends are mad at you?! What?!”
“Just because someone is going through a break up doesn’t mean they get a free pass to stealing their friend’s boyfriend. You calling her personality ugly is in no way comparable to her trying to sabotage your relationship.”
“Your judgy friends need to watch their back because Julie is out on the prowl and she don’t GAF about friendship.” – Livinthedream_111
“NTA – what is there to be an AH about? You just found out your supposed best friend was trying to sabotage your relationship based on cruel and superficial judgments she has made about you, and you handled it with marked restraint.”
“She’s awful. Nobody deserves to be cheated on, but I don’t feel an ounce of sympathy for her.” – Ok-Succotash7483
“NTA but Julie and your other friends are definitely a**holes. Would they also be defending her if she’d actually had an affair with your fiance? Getting dumped doesn’t justify her trying to destroy your relationship.”
“She is clearly jealous of you. You’re right about her. And if your friends try to harass you about this, don’t invite them to the wedding. Make sure that you have people there who will keep her out.”
“But on the bright side, your fiance sounds awesome. He’s proven to be honest and trustworthy, and he truly loves you.” – ComprehensiveBand586
“NTA and I definitely see why she got cheated on because her personality is disgusting….anyone who agrees with her is no friend of yours because they’re basically excusing her trying to sabotage your wedding before you even had time to get a proposal!!”
“Do not invite her or anyone who enables this kind of behavior. Thank the universe you were able to see the true side of your ‘bestfriend’ before she tries to sabotage your wedding fr, she’s the type to slip and ‘accidentally’ pour her wine on your wedding dress.”
“A secretly jealous friend is worse than ten open enemies. Congratulations….your fiancé sounds like a gem. Good for you.” – JussWoo
Overall, Redditors thought the OP’s comments in her exchange with Julie were spot-on.