Venting can be a healthy way to express frustration and anger.
Keeping all that bottled up can cause an ulcer.
When a person feels wronged by another, and they feel they can’t talk to that person about it, another option is to discuss it with friends.
But certain people, like significant others, may see that as bad behavior or airing dirty laundry.
So, which is it… talk therapy or gossip?
Redditor bubblyducky25 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling everyone how M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] acted at our wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (26 F[emale]) got married to Jack (26 M[ale]) in August.”
“We have been together since we were 15.”
“Jack and I decided to have an immediate family-only wedding.”
“It was extremely small, my dad and brother, his parents and sister/husband.”
“My dad paid for everything.”
“MIL/F[ather]-I[n]-L[aw] ask if they can stay with us the week of the wedding, we say sure.”
“They show up, and they brought MIL’s sister, husband, and niece (14).”
“The 5 of them are in the entry of the house and expect to stay with us this week.”
“I’m annoyed, especially since they weren’t invited.”
“But I say nothing.”
“MIL walks right past me then turns to me and asks if we invited Jack’s cousin, we will call her Jane.”
“I tell her, no, we just invited you guys and my family.”
“The reason Jane is not invited is that she’s drama, wore white to Jack’s sister’s wedding, and made a scene.”
T”he day before the wedding, I got up and noticed my car was missing, I had last-minute things to get, turns our MIL helped herself to it, so she could go shopping at the mall.”
“I call Jack, he calls his mom, and she returns the car 4 hours later.”
“The mall is 15 minutes away from our house.”
“I was able to get everything I needed and head home.”
“When I get home, Jack pulls me aside and tells me MIL yelled at him for having a camera in the house.”
“We have a camera facing the back door, we check it to make sure the dogs aren’t outside and it’s locked.”
“Either way, it’s not hidden and it’s our home.”
“To me that was sus, so I checked the footage and heard how MIL/Aunt are absolutely berating me and our house.”
“I show it to Jack and he says to say nothing.”
“The day of the wedding arrives, MIL opens our bedroom door asking for an iron, and I go grab one for her.”
“I close the door and start getting ready, I have a picture of my mom (passed away) next to the mirror and I’m just in my head about it all.”
“Then MIL opens the door and asks for an ironing curler, I get her one.”
‘I close the door and lock it.”
“I call my dad to linger outside the door.”
“The limo arrives to pick me and my husband up and to bring us to the church, before I get out the door, MIL, FIL, aunt, uncle, and niece get in the limo and open the special bottle that my dad kept from his wedding.”
“So now it’s me, Jack, and all his family in the limo on the way to church.”
“Like a clown car.”
“They drink the whole bottle, which I wanted to share with my dad and brother.”
“At the reception, Jack and I catch MIL going through the wedding envelopes to see what everyone gave.”
“She is pulling money out and telling Jack his sister is cheap.”
“Again, I say nothing.”
“The last straw was when I looked around and MIL/aunt were missing.”
“I find them hiding and calling Jane, who didn’t even know about the wedding, to tell her she wasn’t invited.”
“Lastly, I got my photos back from our photographer, Aunt/MIL/uncle are doing the peace sign behind our heads in every group picture.”
“I’ve told my friends what happened because it bothers me.. but my husband is saying ITAH because I shouldn’t tell anyone.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“You and your new husband need to have a face-to-face meeting and get on the same page about how to handle HIS relatives in the future because this is only the beginning of the meddling.”
“I emphasized ‘HIS’ because it is my firm belief each partner in a marriage should be the one who handles their own family members.”
“So I hope your new husband grows a pair and can do the job.”
“NTA for needing to vent as your husband would just tell you to be quiet.” ~ GranbyTank
“OP. I kept reading this and thinking, ‘Grow a backbone, grow a backbone,’ over and over.”
“People call me a pushover… and I never would have put up with this.”
“The second they showed up with other people I would have said, ‘I’m sorry, MIL only said she and BLANK were staying with us. We can’t have you guys staying here too.'”
“You and your husband need to see a therapist who can help you guys learn how to establish boundaries, or your lives are going to be MISERABLE.” ~ crystallz2000
“Honestly, OP should just post the video and photos and write a big rant on her in-law’s behavior, they deserve the public embarrassment and maybe they’ll learn some basic manners. NTA.” ~ Internal-Test-8015
“My first marriage fell apart because he NEVER defended me to his b*tchy and controlling mother.”
“I got tired of being the unprotected black sheep of the family bc he never had my back.”
“He was wonderful in almost every other way, but this destroyed me.”
“25 years and he let her break us up. 😢.”
“Not the AH, and please have a talk with your husband.” ~ RosaSinistre
“Your husband will be a happier man once he isn’t his family’s doormat any longer.”
“You do him a favor by helping him to grow a spine and handle his family himself.”
“NTA, but he needs to handle them.” ~ glamourcrow
“Oh boy, you need to deal with this ASAP before your husband thinks this is how it’s going to be.”
“The solution to his awful mother is NOT to keep it a secret. It’s for your husband to tell her to get in line or to not visit.”
“If you don’t fix this now, your life is going to be just like all the miserable people on r/JUSTNOMIL.”
“NTA, but you need to get your husband to set and enforce clear boundaries with his mommy before it’s too late.” ~ SpaceJesusIsHere
“NTA – is it too late for annulment?”
“Husband taking crazy family’s side is a huge 🚩.”
“Hope you got safety gear because you’re gonna be rolling this rock uphill you’re entire marriage if you don’t grow yourself a nice shiny new spine or if hubby continues to choose them over you.” ~ MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
“NTA- If your husband does not support you when his family berates you, is he truly on your side?”
“Talk to your husband and make the boundaries clear.”
“Otherwise along the road, there’ll be a lot of blurred lines and them walking all over you while your husband tells you to keep it quiet and brush it under the carpet.” ~ best-pomo196
“Oh hell no. NTA.”
“Tell everyone who will listen.”
“And have the photographer photoshop all those who did bunny-ears right out of any pictures in which they chose to do it.”
“My petty a** would then print those biggest of all and frame those only.”
“When MIL asks why she’s not in them I’d absolutely tell her that the photographer photoshopped out people who couldn’t behave like grown-ups on someone else’s important day.”
“Don’t let her ruin your pictures.”
“Just wipe her right out of them.” ~ rileysauntie
“I believe you telling everyone is appropriate.”
“They wanted to cause a scene and they caused a scene.”
“They literally crave the attention no matter how they get it.”
“I teach. It is easy to think the kids will be embarrassed or humiliated when their antics become known… ummm no.”
“We are embarrassed and humiliated but they do not have… otherwise they wouldn’t be stirring the pot.”
“That is different than me making a scene or yelling or exaggerating or putting them down.”
“Just say the truth and how it appears to you.”
“They deserve it.”
“Your husband should have protected you from the invasion and gotten them a room.”
“Seated them in the church.”
“Kept the drama away from you.”
“Him not wanting to make a scene gave them license to do anything they wanted.” ~ OlderMan42
“Oh hell no.”
“NTA but his family are absolute monsters! “
“Hubby is no doubt embarrassed but I’d be going nuclear on their outrageous behavior.”
“I’m so sorry this happened to you and I wish your hubby would’ve booted them out the minute they showed up with stragglers in tow.”
“And especially when they helped themselves to YOUR limo and special wine.”
“I don’t even know you and I’m LIVID on your behalf. Monsters!” ~ Reasonable-Bad-769
“NTA but you have a husband problem.”
“He should have nipped her actions in the bud early on.”
“He needs to start standing up to his family.”
“I would never let that woman in my house again.” ~ Winter_Dragonfly_452
“NTA. They behaved worse than drunk teenagers. I’d be broadcasting their behavior absolutely everywhere.”
“Town newspaper/webpage/social media/friends/family/everywhere.”
“No exceptions and no mercy.” ~ TheVaneja
“NTA. Your husband is probably embarrassed by his mother’s terrible behavior, but you are allowed to talk to your friends about things that are difficult for you.”
“I hope the relationship with her gets easier!” ~ mmmtension
Well, OP, Reddit is with you. Your MIL and her brood owe you an apology.
There are issues that need attention.
A little couple’s therapy may be a good idea.
Good luck.