The workplace, no matter how dramatic, is an intimate place.
In order to work together everyone has to learn how to trust one another.
When the higher ups start playing games, things get problematic.
Case in point...
Redditor workplace_throwaway2 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
"AITA for pretending not to know my husband?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"Obligatory 'I know the title sounds crazy, please hear me out' statement."
"My spouse (38 M[ale]) works at his father's company."
"The two of them work closely since my husband will, at some point, take over for his dad."
"Because of his income level, I (31 M[ale]) don't have to work."
"Sometimes I'll come into the office to bring my spouse and F[ather] I[n] L[aw] lunch and stick around for a bit to help with minor tasks."
"The last time I came in, my husband warned me that there will be a few new faces around because they've taken on some interns."
"I got this silly idea - honestly inspired by something I had seen online of a couple who worked together without their coworkers knowing - and clued my husband in on it."
"Basically, I was going to pretend to be another intern for a while and he would be my boss."
"I ended up 'coming into work' for about a week and it was really fun."
"We both leaned into it."
"I called him 'Mr. Spouse's Last Name' and Sir."
"I gossiped with the other interns about how handsome he is."
"He would purposefully ignore me while walking past and I'd pretend to get flustered and say an awkward hello to him."
"It was great."
"I was thinking of coming in towards the end of their internship and randomly surprising them with the truth about why their fellow intern buddy disappeared after a week."
"I thought it was harmless."
"I was having brunch with a friend yesterday, though, and I told the same story."
"The response, instead of laughter like I had been anticipating and like I had gotten from my closer friends, was anger."
"She claimed what I had done was out of line."
"She said that the people around us didn't agree to partake in our 'weird, role play fantasy games' and were unwillingly participants in our foreplay."
"EDIT: Both me and my spouse are men. Just wanted to clarify that as I'm seeing a lot of comments referring to me as a woman."
"AITA?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
Let's hear some thoughts...
"So... the boss has conspired with his husband to get his interns gossiping about how handsome he is?"
"This place sounds like an HR nightmare. Do you honestly have nothing better to do with your time?"
"Massive YTA." ~thatwasawkward
"As an intern i would feel spied out like if i say something bad about the boss, how I behave if the boss didn't look."
"This is just awful. YTA." ~ EvilFinch
"I would feel like this too."
"I would also wonder if the bosses set this up as a test with the hope of finding out something they could hold against me."
"I would not feel comfortable working for the company after something like this and would be wondering what else they are hiding."
"Massive YTA, OP." ~ Conscious_Cat_6204
"This could have gone sideways, you got lucky."
"What if your playful talk about the sexy boss led to the interns actually wanting to talk to you about the sexy boss?"
"Huge red flags, huge potential for creating a hostile work environment and opening yourself and your husband and his father up to litigation."
"Really, really f**king stupid thing for you to do because you're a bored house-husband. YTA." ~ JohnSnowsPump
"Exactly. What if Y says oh yeah he's sexy and spends 5 minutes graphically explaining what they want to do to husband?"
"OP what was the game plan there?"
"I know you trust your husband but what if he stays late at the office and Y was there."
"You think you'd be ok?"
"I think all the trust in the world wouldn't shut up that horrible voice in the back of your head wondering what's going on."
"Even if it's completely innocent because Y thought they were just gossiping to the other interns."
"Not to mention what if the interns saw the two of you flirting or husband giving you special treatment?"
"It creates a sense of unease to the interns thinking he's a leach especially if they know he's married."
"They might even go to HR yo try and 'protect' you because you have a crush on him and might not realize he's in a bad position of power."
"OP seriously messed up situation and depending on the ages of those interns, really awful."
"You taught them companies will secretly track and monitor everything they do and say. YTA." ~ Timely-Editor4875
"I mean he said he doesn't have to work and seems like a bored husband and instead of doing something meaningful with his life he is doing *hit like that."
"YTA. I kind of hoped dad would find out and not be happy but maybe in the next episode of drama husband." ~ Ok_Possibility5715
"It's messed up on so many levels, not just the weird kink thing that the post read as."
"I would genuinely feel like I would never be able to critique my boss or the workplace."
"Really important if you want a workplace to grow."
"I'd feel like my performance was being constantly evaluated on a micromanagement level."
"And I straight up would not trust my boss or any of my coworkers because holy crap what if my coworker is the boss' husband doing some weird, uncover roleplay." ~ Plus-Kaleidoscope900
"Yup. No intern is going to find this a 'cute' and/or 'funny' game the boss and his husband played with each other."
"It will come across as a sneaky and underhanded way the boss was spying on them."
"Play your games away from the work place where they belong. YTA." ~ Natural_Writer9702
"As one of the other interns, I would question the professionalism and maturity of the company I had just spent my internship with."
"I certainly wouldn't find it hilarious and a good story to tell my own friends and family."
"I would also be worrying about what I had said about your husband to you."
"You are clearly bored."
"Go and find some useful volunteer work. Mild YTA." ~ slightly_dusty
"This didn't sound like a sexual kink, so I think her point is irrelevant."
"But I would be absolutely livid if I found out that my boss had his spouse as a spy, especially since you admit to participating in the gossip."
"I would not be surprised if the interns felt betrayed and uncomfortable and if your husband company got a bad reputation for what you did."
"That's highly unprofessional. So YTA for that." ~ Graves_Digger
"OP has admitted in another comment that it was sexual."
"They were involving others, without their consent, with their sexual role play, in addition to lying to and spying on these poor interns."
"OP and his husband are MASSIVE a**holes." ~ Blasie
"YTA. This is weird and would make me incredibly uncomfortable."
"I'm guessing you've never worked because you clearly don't understand how unprofessional this is."
"Maybe get a job and expand your horizons a bit." ~ cascadingmedusa
"YTA. A place of business is not someplace to play immature games."
"Very inappropriate and you give interns the idea that your behavior is normal and expected."
"I agree with your friend for being annoyed. Definitely an H[uman] R[esources] mess." ~ anaisaknits
"YTA. When this inevitably comes out, it's not gonna look like a fun little practical joke that you and your husband played."
"It's gonna look like the boss sent someone to spy on the interns and try and entrap them into saying something inappropriate."
"You guys are in for an HR nightmare when that happens." ~ iron_ingrid
"YTA OP, get a job."
"Not because you have to but because it's another level to growing."
"Walk dogs on rover."
"Serve kids at school."
"You seem entitled and it's shown in your actions."
"There was no need to weave a web of drama in an office you don't work at."
"How much time do you have on your hands?"
"Your husband should also reflect if he's giving in to this nonsense but is going to be running a company and in charge of people's lives." ~ deadxroses21
"YTA. Those interns said things to his wife that they never would have, had they known."
"If it was me I'd be pissed and I would most certainly question both of your judgment." ~ wowieowie
"YTA. You are deliberately misrepresenting who you are, and you don't even see anything wrong with that."
"Is integrity a company value?"
"You're not practicing it." ~ sbh56
Well OP... Reddit really wants you to do some serious thinking and soul searching.
Your intention was clearly not malicious but the execution was problematic.
It's all salvageable.
Honesty first.
Woman Irate After 'Misogynistic' Date 'Insults' Her In Front Of Waiter For Interrupting Him
While dating is supposed to be fun and the best way to find new love, some people are just not meant to date each other.
Fortunately, people can get out of dating someone, and no reason is too small or petty, members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subreddit pointed out.
Redditor Mental_Driver_6134 had been dating a guy on and off for over a year, and while things were okay, there hadn't been a particular reason to make the relationship more serious.
When they went on a date, and the guy publicly insulted her for interrupting him and speaking out of turn, the Original Poster (OP) was not certain it was worth going on another date with him or continuing to string this situationship along.
She asked the sub:
At a restaurant, the OP's date wasn't being clear while speaking with the waiter.
"I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off. We discussed the order and were in a good mood overall."
"When the waiter came to take the order, he started explaining him something about his preference for a particular dish. Basically, he didn't want too much garlic in chili burnt garlic noodles."
"Everything was going fine, but I saw that he was taking too much time explaining it and wasn't really getting to the main point, which was less garlic."
"I chimed in and casually said, 'We just want less garlic.'"
"But I couldn't even complete the sentence before he said to me in front of the waiter, 'If you're gonna cut me off like this, I'm not giving any orders, okay?!' in the rudest way possible."
The moment ruined the date for the OP.
"I just went quiet after that. He quickly realized that he made a mistake and tried to cover up by saying that, 'Okay , I won't shout at you next time onwards.'"
"I was really p**sed off but didn't react much to avoid creating a scene."
"On our way back home, he started with his explanation. He said that I tried to make him feel small by cutting him off and lacked basic etiquette and that I should have at least said, 'Can I give my opinion here?- before cutting him off."
"It kept getting worse as he said that since he was the older one and 'The Man,' I should not have interrupted him and let him give the order."
"The whole tone was so misogynistic."
"He even mocked me for not knowing how to use chopsticks properly, which I didn't mind as basic banter, and I told him that there are forks and spoons kept here; it's not necessary to use the chopsticks (he ended up dropping his dumpling while explaining to me how to use chopsticks)."
"When the noodles came, he said that we could use forks then, and I was like, 'No, why not use chopsticks here, as well? You should watch more anime, maybe,' and he then went on to brag about having been to many five-star restaurants, which implied that he knew more than me and that I lacked any 'real experience.'"
The OP was over it by the end of the conversation.
"I was too exhausted from this; it seemed so nonsensical that I left later and told him to maintain a distance."
"Later he was saying that I'm stuck on such a small thing and that he won't shout again, but it was my mistake that I tried to cut him off (which wasn't my intention at all)."
"Also, sidenote: He's like four and a half years older than me. I met him last September and on and off many times with a few months of minimal contact. These offs end with him acting as if nothing happened."
"This incident was the calmest he's behaved if compared to past situations, so you can guess what the worst may have looked like."
"I only gave him a chance cause he was trying to control his anger issues. But I think you can't expect a 29-year-old to fix the misogyny."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that she was right to be upset.
"He was s**tty, but it was her fault; I just love that. NOR."
"If she hadn’t interrupted his highness, none of this would have happened. Why can’t she just admit it?"
"I’m so glad I’m long out of the dating pool. There is no bar anymore; it’s what can I get from you while I treat you like s**t. Man, the good old days of dating are long over." - Shadow4summer
"NOR. The 'I'm the man' line revealed everything OP needs to know about him. He couldn't handle a simple, harmless interruption, so he tried to humiliate her in public to regain control. Taking his own dumpling dive while trying to act superior is peak karma, honestly." - virelaczi
"NOR! If a 'small' man tries to put you down in public on a date, run the eff away! It doesn’t matter if it’s two dates, two months, or two YEARS!" - Delicious_Winner_819
"Not overreacting, this man is clearly insecure and controlling. Not to mention a misogynist. Instead of being on and off, just be off. It's better to be single than to be with someone who tries to make you feel less than." - curiouscuriel
"'I know better than you.'"
"Should tell you ALL you need to know about this 'man'. Go and find somebody who will treat you as their person... and not an object. That is what is not sitting right with you."
"NOR. And bloody run!!! I wouldn't even give him the time of day after an experience like that." - pootling_1976
"My ex would constantly say, 'You're interrupting me.' I was not. He was a psycho."
"This is how it went, for example:"
"Him: I am ordering chicken and snow peas and white rice [long pause]."
"I start to say ANYTHING (the place is on effing fire!), and he would berate me, 'You interrupted me, you ALWAYS do that, I can never speak, blah, blah blah.'"
"I say, 'Lucifer (what I call him behind his back), you took a long pause. I waited, and I thought you were done.'"
"Then THAT becomes a pile of s**t convo, more berating... He was so manipulative and verbally abusive; I cannot even scratch the surface here."
"So, no. That date is a Lucifer, and you should never even speak to him again." - Belmontisnowhideous
Others pointed out that the OP didn't have to keep dating him if this is how she felt about him.
"Great news! You do not need to spend any more time with this guy." - Blue-flash
"If you marry this guy, this behavior will only get worse. He doesn’t respect women, and he probably never will. I'd stop dating him now before you waste more time." - Additional-Start9455
"NOR. Don’t waste another minute of your life on an angry man. He’ll get worse, not better. Just find a guy who doesn’t need fixing." - Broad_Pomegranate141
"I mean, him being an insufferable smug jerk is not a small thing."
"'I went on a dinner date with this guy who I've been with for over a year now, on and off.' But this strikes me as an elephant in the room."
"It isn't often that good, healthy relationships are on and off again. And given how profoundly rude he was, how immediately he doubled down, how condescending, etc., I can't help but think this isn't the first time he's been gross as a partner."
"NOR, but really ask yourself what you're doing here. This can't be the life you hoped for, and you know he isn't going to change as well." - Traeyze
"NOR. There's no way to live with this kind of man, honestly, and OP should definitely leave this guy."
"A year of on and off with kind of behavior is basically a preview of the next ten." - NoEar4226
"NOR. I've broken up with guys like that by telling them they were right all along. I'm just not smart enough for him. He deserves someone on his own level..."
"Hopefully he picks up the hint and does some self-reflection for his future dates (with other women)."
"For what it's worth, I have two post-graduate degrees." - PomeloPepper
"When someone treats you like s**t, you do NOT have to stay with them, no matter how long you've been together."
"Unfortunately, my therapist had to explain this to me a short time after I started seeing her because my parents never gave me any autonomy to make my own decisions. I didn’t know that I could just leave places that I didn’t feel safe in because it wasn’t an option for me until then."
"Some people do need to be given permission to do what’s best for them because of the way they were treated by their parents."
"Hopefully she does leave him because he sucks, and with the way he treats her, things will likely get worse for her." - Accomplished_Dig284
We've all heard the advice to not cry over spilled milk, but clearly, this date must fuss over garlicky noodles.
To the subReddit, it wasn't worth continuing to date a man who clearly had anger and control issues, especially given everything going on in society right now.
The OP would be better off staying single for a while or dating someone new, preferably someone who respects their differences about noodles and chopsticks.