A father of a ten-year-old found himself conflicted between his daughter and his pregnant fiancée when they were both angry for different reasons over an incident involving a special occasion treat.
Wondering if he should’ve defended one or the other more in the situation, he visited the “Am I the A** Hole?” (AITAH) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor Remarkable-Manner849 asked:
“AITAH for not standing up for my pregnant fiancée who ate my daughter’s cupcake ?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“This happened this morning, and I’m so upset I don’t know what to do.”
“I (36 M[ale]) have been with my fiancée (33 F[female]) for three years. I have a 10-year-old daughter from my previous marriage. Her mother passed away when she was 2.5. My fiancée is currently pregnant.”
“Yesterday, my daughter asked me to buy a giant cupcake from a bakery near my work. She wanted to take it to school to surprise her friend for their birthday.”
“I also bought an extra cupcake for my fiancée. She devoured hers right away.”
The OP continued:
“My daughter was really excited and put a nice ribbon around the box before leaving it in the fridge to take to school in the morning. Apparently, my fiancée craved it in the middle of the night and ate the other cupcake.”
“This morning, my daughter woke up to a big disappointing surprise. She started crying and screaming. I asked my fiancée why she did that, and she said her craving was so bad she couldn’t sleep. Then she yelled, ‘It’s called being pregnant, jerks!’ ”
“My daughter screamed that she hates her and the baby already. I told her, ‘I’ll buy another one today and maybe drop it off so you can give it to your friend after school?’ “
“She said, ‘Don’t bother.’ “
“Later, my fiancée texted me saying she’s upset that I didn’t stand up for her when my daughter was mean and that my daughter and I owe her an apology.”
“I’m sitting in my car wondering what the hell to do. Was I an a**hole for not standing up for her? I feel lost.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors weighed in with their varied thoughts on the matter.
“NTA.”
“Your fiancée is just selfish and entitled. Pregnancy is not an excuse for her behaviour.”
“She’s allegedly an adult and took something from a child because she lacks any ability to think how her actions affect others. She doesn’t care about your kid.”
“Calling her out on her bullsh*t and not blindly supporting her ridiculousness was the right call.”
“She needs to apologize to your daughter and stop hiding behind flimsy excuses. Being pregnant is not an excuse for being a b*tch.” – BulbasaurRanch
“The only one who owes anyone an apology is your fiancée.” – Ok-Equipment-8771
“Yeah, she literally called a child a jerk for being upset that she ate something the girl had been looking forward to. I did not read where she apologized at all for eating it. There are some major red flags here, and I feel like she does not care for this girl at all.”
“Her feelings do not matter to this woman. I totally get preggo cravings, but she should have been up at the crack of dawn to replace it and apologized for having eaten it. And she should have done everything she could not to eat it.” – Limp-Paint-7244
“It was clear the cupcake was for your daughter/her friend. Even if you’re craving, you don’t take things that are someone else’s, especially from a literal child. She also could’ve offered to buy a replacement cupcake herself, but didn’t and insisted your daughter was the jerk.”
“Sure there are cravings, and there’s also self restraint. She took candy from a baby and wonders why it’s crying.”
“OP, I hope you recognize how thoughtful your daughter is and how thoughtless your fiancée is.” – Mother_Art3124
“OP, i would still bring a cupcake for daughter’s friend (and maybe also daughter!) to school today. She was hurt and angry in the moment, but i think she would still appreciate it. Put a bow on both boxes!”
“ETA: NTA.” – Dazzling-Fig-IAGG
“And text your fiancee telling her you bought her another cupcake to make up for not standing up for her, then when you get home tell her you got a craving and ate it on the way home.” – BoxcuttaStyle
“I think this is more than a lack of self restraint. There’s an entitlement to take things that belong to the daughter, like she’s challenging OP to start treating her like she’s more important than his daughter. It’s a small event but a red flag IMO.” – Reasonable-Sale8611
“Right. Literally took candy from a baby. And it’s super concerning that she is not even trying to make it right. Being pregnant is not an excuse to be a thief.” – Remarkable_Buyer4625
“Zero self-control, and she blames pregnancy for selfishly eating a child’s cupcake when she already ate her own?? OMG, I’d be questioning my choices if I were OP. This woman doesn’t seem to be able to consider the feelings of a 10yo child. I have a feeling OP’s wife would’ve done this even if she wasn’t pregnant.”
“Pathetic OP is NTA, and OP’s wife is the one who owes the child an apology. At this point, though, I’m questioning who is the real child here. wow.” – Fuzzy_Laugh_1117
“Nta, your fiancé is in the wrong. She can’t blame her pregnancy for doing things like that. If I were you I would keep a close eye on how your finance treats your daughter and see if there has been other circumstances were she mistreats your daughter. You also have an obligation to stand up for your daughter, especially when she only has you left.” – laurafndz
“Bro, pregnancy cravings don’t override basic decency. She knew that cupcake wasn’t for her and still went full goblin mode. Your daughter’s reaction makes sense—she’s 10, and that was important to her. Fiancée needs to own up, not demand an apology.” – freya-rain
“Definitely NTA. I’ve been pregnant, and I’ve never eaten something that didn’t belong to me. Being pregnant doesn’t mean being entitled to things that don’t belong to you. Your fiancée tried using the oldest excuse in the book. She’s just spiteful and jealous of your daughter and wanted to upset her.” – twalk0410
“NTA. What your fiancé did was not cool. Pregnancy ain’t an excuse for being an a**hole. What your daughter said, albeit in anger, is also not cool. I would dig a little deeper into what your daughter said. She might not have meant it, but there could be some buried resentment there that will not make for a happy family.”
“I’m afraid you’re stuck between a rock and a hard place on this one. Perhaps you all need to get into a room together and discuss this incident when everyone is calmed down.” – moste-mo
“OP you would be the AH if you marry this woman and let her treat your daughter like this. She’s testing your boundaries now to see what she can get away with.”
“I was the daughter once. I’m 50 now and I’ll never forgive my dad for choosing p*ssy over his own child, over and over and over again. It won’t stop at stolen cakes once the baby is here and you’re married.”
“If you are in a ‘traditional’ marriage, she will be responsible for your daughter all day. Feeding her, clothing her, helping her with her homework. And you won’t be there to keep an eye on things.”
“Go ahead and tell your daughter to apologise ‘to keep the peace’ she’ll be gone from your life as soon as she’s 18. Or maybe that’s what you want, so you can forget how you failed her. And tell yourself what an amazing parent you are because you ‘stepped up when her mom died.’ “
“For now, NTA, but you are at a crossroad and have to make a tough decision.” – BabaYaga_always
“This is literally why if I die, I don’t want my husband to remarry. You picked wrong. She’ll prioritize her baby over your daughter as well. If you don’t fix this immediately, I won’t be shocked if your daughter doesn’t speak to you once she’s an adult. I’ve been pregnant multiple times and have NEVER taken something from a child even if I really was craving it.” – Background_Chart_703
Overall, Redditors thought the OP was in a tough bind over who to side with more, but the majority expressed disdain for his wife for the deliberate pilfering of the cake she clearly knew was not meant for her.
Hopefully, he can have a conversation with both important individuals in his life to get through the tension and restore the peace; otherwise, this family unit is off to a bad start.