Weddings and pregnancies can be highly stressful times.
Weddings and pregnancies at the exact same time… can be a powder keg of emotion.
In both instances people rely heavily on their loved ones.
But what if it’s your “loved ones” making everything harder.
Case in point…
Redditor annoyingsinglefriend wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for blowing up at my friend for her behavior at my wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I have this friend Anna 32 F[emale].”
“We’ve been best friends since we started school and despite a few small arguments we have always been close.”
“About 2 years ago my now husband and I decided to get married after 10 years of being together, and 2 children.”
“We set the date for about a month ago.”
“I asked Anna to be my M[aid] O[f] H[onor] and she immediately accepted.”
“About 7 months ago at my bridal shower Anna excitedly announced she was pregnant.”
“She doesn’t have a partner so she told everyone how she was using donated sperm.”
“I was so happy for her. “
“She assumed I was going to kick her out of the bridal party and I told her it wasn’t happening.”
“She could do as much or as little as she wanted to do because I’ve been there and I know how exhausting pregnancy can be.”
“As the months progressed Anna came to me and said she was feeling overwhelmed.”
“She had deemed her pregnancy to be ‘high risk’ because she was so tired and put herself on bed rest.”
“I said it was no problem.”
“If she still wanted to be in the wedding I would make any accommodations for her so she could.”
“She told me she wanted to come to the wedding but not be in the bridal party anymore, I told her no problems. It was fine.”
“Whatever made her happy.”
“In the meantime I took her to her appointments and she came to my dress fittings.”
“I ended up asking another good friend to be MOH and she was thrilled.”
“The day of the wedding comes and Anna turns up in her MOH gown (no problems, I assume she just felt beautiful in the dress).”
“And proceeds to tell everyone that I’d kicked her out of the wedding because I was jealous of her pregnancy and I didn’t want a ‘fat girl’ in my wedding pictures.”
“Everyone kept this well hidden from me on the day but in at least 5 of the videos from the wedding you can clearly hear Anna talking about me.”
“Telling people that I’m such a horrible friend and I’m jealous because she’s pregnant.”
“I was shocked and the next time I caught up with Anna I asked her what the problem was.”
“I tried to be accommodating but she insisted on not being in the wedding.”
“It was her choice.”
“She said it was just a joke and she was just being funny.”
“It wasn’t a big deal.”
“I yelled at her that it wasn’t funny and people believed her claims.”
“I told her she was an awful friend for doing that to me.”
“I wasn’t jealous of her.”
“I had tried to be a good friend to her but this felt like a slap in the face.”
“She exploded at me about it and said I was a bridezilla.”
“I told her to leave my house and we haven’t spoken since.”
“Now she is saying that I verbally abused her for being pregnant and ruined her pregnancy by making it all about me and my stupid wedding.”
“We always were super close.”
“She’s always been there for me and I’ve always been there for her.”
“It’s only since I said I was getting married that things went weird.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. She’s been setting you up to the the ‘bad guy’ in her narrative since before the pregnancy announcement.”
“Are you sure you were close before this?” ~ thirdtryisthecharm
“NTA. If I had to guess i would bet she was jealous you were settling down.”
“You have a partner and you guys not only have children but got married.”
“She is doing alone.”
“Otherwise she sounds unhinged.”
“She tried to make you look bad and became unstable with her lying.”
“There probably was some signs before your wedding.”
“I cannot imagine she just turned into this person.”
“Now she showed you who she is. Believe her.” ~ Prudent_Border5060
“NTA. I wonder if she will come back begging after the baby is born and she wants support.”
“People are just weird.” ~ Recent_Sherbert982
“100% planned. And timing worked perfectly for it all.”
“There were probably dozens of signs but people can still miss them.”
“OP will notice as she thinks back to things that happened before all this.” ~ Aeirth_Belmont
“Speaking from experience, having such a huge event where you are unequivocally the star/main character just shined a light on the fact that your ‘friend’ is a narcissist.”
“My guess is if you look back on your relationship objectively, you’ll see that you were only close because you were easy going.”
“And that meant she could always be the center of attention and get whatever she wanted.” ~ femmemalin
OP responded…
“She’s actually never been like this at all.”
“She always was kind of a wallflower to be honest.”
“My husband suggested that because her parents aren’t in her life, she has no siblings and no one other than me and friends to ‘share’ her pregnancy with, perhaps she just lashed out a bit because she wanted attention.”
“And on a day where everyone was gathered around she used it as an opportunity to get the attention she wanted.”
Reddit continued…
“Announcing she was pregnant at your bridal shower was a bitch move.”
“A rule to follow for all of life…”
“When a large group of people are gathered to celebrate another person, that is NOT the time to make an important announcement about yourself.”
“You handled that way better than I would have.”
“You definitely don’t need this person or her drama in your life. NTA.” ~ Jadertott
“Sounds like she was festering in jealousy and resentment.”
“You were her friend, that doesn’t mean she was yours.”
“Be wary of her reaching out after she gives birth.”
“She may be trying to exploit you for whatever help and support she can get from you.”
“I wouldn’t engage.” ~ mischiefmanaged2009
“Could she be jealous because she has feelings for you?”
“Getting pregnant to steal the spotlight and the other stunts when you didn’t react badly, definitely have a ‘look at me’ feel to them? NTA.” ~ myglasswasbigger
“I recently realized a long time friend of mine, for nearly 20 years, isn’t actually a friend.”
“I’ve always brushed off the small passive aggressive things she did or assumed she was joking by making everything a competition, but realized she wasn’t.”
“I’ve accepted I was a friend to her but she wasn’t one to me.”
“I bet if you think back to your friendship with this person, you’ll realize the same.”
It’s a hard realization for sure.” ~ LeighBee212
“NTA. This girl is absolutely not your friend.”
“I’m genuinely baffled by her behavior at your wedding, and she has the audacity to STILL try and play the victim?”
“You didn’t make her pregnancy about you, she made your wedding about her.”
“Just block her everywhere, you’re better off without her in your life.” ~ Tricky-Flamingo-7491
“Anna is jealous, it’s very telling that she chose your bridal shower to announce her pregnancy.”
“Everything she’s done has been to pull the focus onto her or to spoil things for you.”
“She may have been your friend in the past, she isn’t now.”
“Definitely NTA.” ~ mygreyangel
“NTA – Up until the point where you caught her talking s**t about you at your wedding I was thinking ‘What’s the problem here?'”
“Because it seemed like you both were being good to each other but then Anna turned out to be a snake in the grass.”
“From what you stated it doesn’t sound like the things she was saying was a ‘joke’ and if it was a joke, she’s got an awfully ‘funny’ sense of humor.” ~ Dizzy-Dreamz
“NTA. She needs therapy.”
“And you need to stop defending her, in your replies.”
“She is not a true friend.”
“She lied to you, and about you. Wake up.”
“This ‘friendship’ is unhealthy.”
“Be glad it’s over, and block her.”
“She made her bed. Let her lie in it.” ~ Popular-Emu7380
“Yeah, not funny. You’re NTA.”
“The people she was telling may not have known it was a joke.”
“If they didn’t take it that way, you end up looking bad. It’s just bad taste to behave like that a wedding.”
“The good news is, in the end, you’re not the one that looked bad, I’m sure.”
“She probably came off a catty and annoying to others.”
“Hopefully, she’ll learn from this and you can get by it and continue your friendship.”
“Best wishes…” ~ BillyMac05
OP came back with an update…
“I just heard through a mutual friend that apparently once I got engaged, she was saying that she should have been married first because I had kids first.”
“She initially was going to wear a white maternity dress to the wedding but everyone told her not to.”
“So she planned all of this.”
“I feel really stupid for trusting her so much, but lesson learned.”
“I’ll never speak to her again now.”
Well OP, Reddit is clear on their thoughts.
It also sounds like you have the situation handled.
Losing a friendship is hard.
But can often be necessary.
Sorry you had to go through this.
Congrats on the rest.