The holidays are a wonderful time of the year for many.
They can also be super stressful.
And making travel arrangements for the holidays can make anyone gulp down spiced eggnog at warp speed.
Not all of the family is going to be satisfied.
So what can one do?
Redditor Rare-Notice3487 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for ‘canceling’ the holidays?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (28 F[emale]) and my husband (29 M[ale]) are expecting our second baby.”
“I’m due in mid-December, and the baby literally could come anytime between Thanksgiving and Christmas.”
“In the past, we have traveled to his extended family (about 1.5 hours) for Thanksgiving and spent the weekend, and for Christmas, we spend 3-5 days before with my family (2.5 hours away), come home Christmas Eve, and then spend Christmas Day afternoon/a few days after with his immediate family, who are nearby. “
“Because of the timing, my husband asked me what I wanted to do, and I said we could probably attend a Thanksgiving gathering, but I want to stay local.”
“For Christmas, I said I don’t want to make any plans, but we decided that if in the moment, we feel up to going somewhere, or if my toddler and husband want to go, or we want to have guests, then we can, but we don’t want to commit or make any promises.”
“We gave everyone a heads up that we won’t be traveling for the holidays, and everyone was initially fine with it; however, as people are making holiday plans, there has been pushback from both sides.”
“My family is upset that they don’t get to see our toddler, and have said that we are ‘canceling’ the holidays at her expense.”
“Most recently, my in-laws said they wanted to have Christmas Day at our house so everyone could meet the new baby and so we wouldn’t be excluded.”
“My husband firmly said no and shut the conversation down, but now they are annoyed at us, too.”
“Many family members also think that we are being unreasonable, especially since my husband and toddler are not planning on going to gatherings.”
“They said they understand me not wanting to go, but that my husband still should be able to.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. But both y’all’s families sure are.”
“Keep firm on this, and just don’t go anywhere at all.”
“Enjoy the time with your new little and tell the family they can come around AFTER the new year since they decided to be such entitled AHs about it.” ~ SheWhoIsNot
“Your families are seriously complaining that you want to keep the month around your due date open??? NTA.” ~ clairejv
“Not to mention they are ok with leaving her alone by herself, ready to pop or by herself with an infant so that they can have their time with the toddler and hubby.”
“Bruh, what an inconsiderate AH family.”
“They should sincerely be more understanding here that one holiday away doesn’t mean the end of the world.”
“They could even celebrate early for f**ks sake.”
“That way, everyone would be included.”
“Now I’m sure they’re going to make her out to be the villain.”
“Oh, let’s blame the pregnant lady who literally can’t control when an 8 lb tiny human being will pop out of her.”
“Sorry, OP.”
“I’m infuriated for you and the fact that they are ok with you being alone.”
“Good for hubby on shutting that s**t down.” ~ Select-Promotion-404
“I think it’s time for OP and her husband to create their own family holiday traditions.”
“Dragging themselves and their children all over the place for multiple holidays makes for stressful times and not great memories, especially with extended family clamoring for ‘their turn’ and ‘their time,’ as if they are entitled to demand that nuclear families give up the idea of starting their own traditions and perhaps quieter, more enjoyable times.”
“OP: Do not give in on this.”
“Your families are selfish and thoughtless.”
“Expecting your husband to take your toddler and leave you alone, either ready to pop or with a newborn, is absurd.”
“Demanding that you travel for any holiday this year, during the cold, flu, etc. season, without a care for your health and the health and well-being of your children is just.”
“I doubt I’m allowed to say what I think about that here.”
“Make sure you and your husband stand strong against the pressure from extended family and always remember that the two of you and your children are your primary, nuclear family and matter more than anyone else.”
“I’m not saying don’t ever visit family over the holidays, of course, but I urge you to limit those times and free yourself and your children from the expectation that you must travel here, there, and everywhere in order to please everyone else.”
“Believe me, your children will thank you for it and you’ll likely find it very rewarding too.” ~ Wackadoodle-do
“NTA. My kids were all due around Thanksgiving (1 before and 2 after), and to anyone who pressured me, I said, ‘I will not make any plans or commitments, and if I happen to be home, I will order pizza.’”
“Make no plans.”
“Commit to nothing.”
“I was pressured as well.”
“Don’t give in — you get to make this entirely about you and your comfort, and everyone else can suck it.” ~ Pearlr2
“NTA. Your families are being ridiculous.”
“It’s also peak cold/flu/covid season… isolating for a bit before baby actually arrives isn’t a bad way to do it.”
“And no way would I be hosting a holiday at my home with the entire family with a newborn.”
“We had an end-of-October baby last year (supposed to be early November) and we just told everyone we were doing our own stuff for Thanksgiving and Christmas.”
“It was quiet and peaceful, and everyone stayed healthy despite the older kids being school-aged.” ~ ellanida
“100% on this, I work in healthcare, and Thanksgiving is the holiday that kicks off flu season, and then it’s all downhill from there, each holiday more people spread it around until everyone is sick.”
“For myself, that doesn’t stop me from going as long as I’m not sick, but I’m also due soon after the holidays, and this year we aren’t traveling for them either.”
“Also, you may not want to be that far from home if you go into labor, then you either have to drive home to the hospital you plan to deliver at or deliver at an unknown hospital.” ~ Complex_Chipmunk_194
“NTA and anyone who thinks it’s remotely reasonable for an extremely pregnant person or a family with a newborn to host a gathering is absolutely out of their minds.”
“Your toddler really won’t care, and the idea of ‘cancelling the holidays’ at your toddler’s expense? WTF?”
“I had a baby right before Christmas, and we didn’t see anyone for a couple of months!”
“We didn’t want any sickness!”
‘Which failed because our toddler went back to preschool and brought a cold home, and it was absolutely miserable.”
“Don’t risk it.” ~ esmerelofchaos
“NTA – Everyone does not need to meet an infant.”
“The risks of flu, R[espiratory] S[yncytial] V[irus], etc, are too high.”
“Plus, are they all going to get vaccinated for whooping cough?”
“Expecting you to do that at your house 2-4 weeks postpartum is ridiculous.”
“Just say no.” ~ whatev6187
“NTA. What kind of supervillain suggests you host Christmas while recovering from birthing a whole human so everyone can spread their RSV and other assorted germs all over your unvaccinated, no-immune-system-having newborn?”
“I’m so glad your husband shut that absolute garbage take down.”
“As far as depriving your toddler of holiday memories, um, your toddler will absolutely not remember missing out this year. “
“Also, this would be a great time to start thinking about creating your own holiday traditions.”
“You have your own family now, and your traditions should start to be more focused on them.” ~ ambersloves
“NTA. You and your husband and children should be together for the holidays, and with a newborn should be under no pressure to host guests or travel anywhere.”
“You will be in recovery and bonding, and family should know better.” ~ moonlightloop31
“Exactly this.”
“OP has no idea when exactly the baby will be born, how the birth will go, and how they’ll be feeling from one hour to the next in the first few weeks.”
“Seriously, this is what Zoom and FaceTime were invented for.”
“Toddler and Daddy can call grandparents during the family gathering and show them everything Santa brought, or even open some gifts on camera.”
“If Mommy and Baby are up to it, they can make an appearance, too.” ~ mColdandImTired
“NTA. My first was due on 6th December.”
“She was born on the 22nd December and we only came out of the hospital on Christmas Eve (c-section).”
“Babies have their own plans, and you have no idea what is going to happen.”
“I think your plan is an excellent one and exactly appropriate for the situation.”
“Other people being butt-hurt over it is not your problem.”
“You also don’t want a toddler bringing germs back into the house, because we all know toddlers are disgusting germ bags.”
“Hold firm and put yourself and baby first; healing and bonding time is irreplaceable, there will be more family time.” ~ CAPalmer1
“NTA. You won’t be in any shape to travel then.”
“And if you have your baby, then you have even more on your hands to deal with, and it’s great that your husband would rather be there with you and your baby than ducking off with your toddler to go to Christmas parties with his family.”
“Both of your families are being unreasonable and selfish to even question your plans.” ~ Skankyho1
Reddit is with you, OP.
You are prioritizing your own and your family’s wellness.
The rest of the family will just have to get over it.
You do what is best for you.
Congratulations and good luck.