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Pregnant Woman Called Out For Telling Mom And Friends About The Baby Before Her Husband

Photo by Christian Erfurt/Unsplash

Revealing a pregnancy has become a cultural pastime.

People are throwing parties, setting things on fire, you name it.

All to announce the arrival of a new person or their assigned gender.

But sometimes revealing a new arrival is complicated and telling isn’t always easy.

Case in point…

Redditor momagainaita wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA For not telling my husband that I am pregnant before I told other people?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My husband (37 M[ale]) and I (38 F[emale]) have been married for 6 years and have a 3-year old son.”

“For the past couple years we have been on the fence about trying for a second kid.”

“With everything going on in the world and both of us approaching 40, we just weren’t sure if we had it in us to have another one and we knew that we both wanted to be 100% into it if we did.”

“But we both grew up with siblings and wanted our son to have that experience as well.”

“However, my husband got laid off about 4-months ago and that was kind of the final nail in our decision making and we decided that he would get a vasectomy.”

“With the stress of the holidays after his layoff and the time-consuming job search, he procrastinated on scheduling an appointment.”

“He finally got around to scheduling one about a month ago.”

“Well, turns out that a couple weeks ago I noticed I had missed my last period.”

“With everything else going on I completely spaced it out.”

“I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive.”

“It was definitely a surprise and at first I was overjoyed, but then I remembered that my husband had literally gotten the snip only a couple weeks before.”

“I made an appointment with my doctor and sure enough, I was about 10-weeks along.”

“I didn’t know how to tell my husband or how he would take it considering everything else that we had going on.”

“So I told my mom and talked to her about it.”

“She didn’t give the best advice, so I talked with two of my best friends about it too.”

“They gave better advice and the next day I told my husband.”

“He was happy and supportive and just kept saying that we would make it work and not to worry about anything other than our growing family.”

“This past weekend we had some friends over, including the friends I talked to about the pregnancy.”

“After we had dinner, my two friends were talking with my husband and I overheard one make a comment about how happy they both are that my husband took the news so well considering everything else we are going through.”

“He played it off well, but I saw him shoot me a look.”

“After everyone left he confronted me about it and asked what my friend meant by that.”

“I told him that I talked with them and my mom about how to tell him I was pregnant because I wasn’t sure how he would take it.”

“He got upset that he wasn’t the first (well, second) person to know this very personal and life-changing bit of information.”

“I tried to explain that I was worried he wouldn’t be as happy as he is because he literally got his vasectomy two weeks earlier and is still job searching.”

“He told me that I should know him better than to think he wouldn’t be happy and said he was offended that I would assume otherwise.”

“I apologized and he seemed to accept it.”

“But I could tell that he wasn’t happy about it and that his feelings were hurt.”

“I was just so confused and I needed to talk to someone.”

“Was it an a**hole move?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“How could he not be hurt? He is the father, literally half of what is growing inside you.”

“I understand your concern about telling him, but you owed it to him to be the first. YTA. Softly, but there it is.”  ~ Digital_Glitter

“YTA, for sure.”

“And look at his reaction to learning this – he didn’t freak in the moment, but addressed it at a time when they were alone.”

“He didn’t mind that she talked with her mom first (if that’s what OP meant by ‘second,’ it was unclear).”

“He took the actual news well. He accepted her apology.”

“The dude sounds like a legitimately good guy.”

“OP, on the other hand, has a lot to learn about consideration for other people.”  ~ apathyontheeast

“I disagree with the reason and judgement.”

“OP is the one who has to carry this fetus for nine months.”

“She was worried about economic conditions concerning her husband so she turned to a trusted support system.”

“I think OP’s husband should ask himself why she didn’t feel comfortable discussing said worries with him.”

“I think NAH – both the wife and husbands feelings are valid.”

“The wife sought emotional support. The husband is upset.”

“What needs to be worked on is communication, validation of feelings and empathy for the other.”  ~ Independent_Big3345

“OP waited weeks to tell her husband.”

“She said she found out weeks ago, and her husband found out this past weekend.”

“I’ve had plenty of conflicts and asked different opinions, I don’t hide a serious and time sensitive truth from the people involved.”

“I can’t hide something from my partner good or bad for that long.”

“And I certainly wouldn’t invite a load of people who know such a secret to be around him after hiding it.”  ~ hoginlly

Some people had a differing idea or two…

“What??? No!!!! NAH!”

“She was scared and went to her friends and family for support– that’s not an a**hole thing to do.”

“Especially with how many men do fly off the handle in situations like that, she had every right to be cautious and seek support.”

“Christ Almighty. NTA OP don’t listen to these people!!!”

“It’s okay for H to be a little hurt by this but he also should be understanding to you as well.”  ~ PeggingMarauder

“Neither of them are TA, it’s really a non issue as they resolved it then she felt guilty for not trusting him to be OK with it.”  ~ Buggerlugs253

“I agree. I think the OP meant well.”

“The intentions here were good.”

“But three people is a lot of people to tell before your husband so unfortunately yes, ever so slightly YTA.”

“Hopefully apologizing is enough since the intentions were good and at the end of the day.”

“You’re having a baby who you will love and raise together.” ~ littlestgoldfish

“I understand him being hurt, and I understand her being scared and going elsewhere. NAH.”

“Especially depending on the society you grew up in, telling a man you’re pregnant can be a very scary and dangerous thing.”

“Doesn’t mean that OP’s husband is like that, but it could mean she has leftover anxiety and hypervigilance from growing up in that kinda culture.”

“There are also cultures where birth and pregnancy is primarily a ‘woman’s issue’ so the women of the family are the first to find out.”

“As opposed to the father who is barely involved until the baby is born.”

“Again, if OP came from that type of culture.”

“I can see her thinking not much of telling her mom and friends before her husband.”

“He still has a right to be upset, but she wasn’t being duplicitous.”  ~ Proud_Hotel_5160

“YTA, you’ve been married for 6 years, you already have a kid together.”

“No matter if he would get sad or happy, he should hear it first, and you’d have to figure it out together.”

“This isn’t the time to keep secrets for each other because you’re scared of how you’re going to react.”  ~ Daskesmoelf_8

“NAH. His feelings are understandable and legit.”

“I can see feeling a little upset that my wife felt that she couldn’t talk to me about something like this.”

“On the other hand I get how you were feeling and needing to talk to someone about it.”

“I think you owe your friends a sharp kick in the shins though.”

“They should have kept their mouths shut.”

“Acknowledge his feelings but don’t downplay yours and it will eventually blow over.”

“If you try to marginalize his it will blow up, believe me.”  ~ CaptNeefieNoo

“YTA. It says something about communication in your relationship that you shared & discussed very personal concerns with not just one person, but three people!”

“Why was your husband not the very first person besides yourself to know?”

“It’s his child. When you marry, usually promises are made to put your spouse first.”

“Maybe, at a stretch, I can understand talking with your mother about your pregnancy, maybe.”

“But friends? Two of them?”

“Your husband is right to be upset and hurt that you disrespected him and showed your lack of trust in him.”  ~ DWYL_LoveWhatYouDo

Secrets and emotions… never a great combination.

That’s why even Reddit has some thoughts, but is all over the map in the feedback department.

Hopefully OP and hubby can put this behind them and celebrate.

Take care y’all. And congrats!!